Autism Unplugged

Better than Me

2012-01-20T09:17:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night Jim and I began a six-week Life Planning Project course offered locally by Home of Guiding Hands. Designed to get us on the same page proactively envisioning Reid's future as we age (ahem) and eventually exit planet earth.

Going around the table, each parent complied with the direction to give a trait they're most proud of and a personal motto as way of introduction. After we'd all taken turns the facilitator, herself a parent of a 19 year old on the spectrum, observed that we could spend the remainder of the evening debating the age old chicken and egg question. Did we develop those traits because of our child with special needs or were they given because we'd surely need them for the assignment?

I wrote "resourceful" on my sticky note but another mom shared "empathy" as hers. That uncanny ability to know what someone is thinking without them expressing it comes in handy when your kids are non-verbal! Jim commented when we first did our Strengthsfinder inventory, how perfectly that served me in Reid's younger days.

Whether God gave it for the job or I learned it from Reid, this verse hit me between the eyes this morning:

Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24

The Lord God's empathy far surpasses mine or hers. His ability to do all things is the source of our ability to do anything. He is the author of empathy and every other positive character trait anyone could cite. Anything I can do He can do better. And...because he is so empathetic, he knows what I need before I even figure out how to ask for it. I just have to get out of His holy way. So I am stepping aside to let the Master have his way.

In the mood for a cheesy visual from the musical archives? Click here. They got their pronouns reversed in these lyrics from Annie Get your Gun. Reverse the pronouns and let it rattle around in your head today as a prayer to the Father, "Anything I can do YOU have done better..." make a sunset.... create a brain... design a salvation plan.... payback a double portion... color fruit... love your neighbor... pair up twins... allow that trial....

Gotta work on those rhymes, but you get my point?

As it is in heaven....

2011-10-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

The truth doesn't hurt--it does make me cry though. I was surprised this article in the Orange County Register brought me to tears. Usually I don't even click on them; they've become cliche; or I'm calloused, not sure which?

In any case, this time I did and by the paragraph when Mark and Kylie get called into the principal's office, I was all choked up.

We tease my husband, Jim, that he's become so sensitive in his middle age, crying more often at chick flicks or in church. In his own defense, he has a theory that his emotional response is brought on by some pure truth. To experience guileless authenticity in stark contrast to our corrupt world touches a deep place in our hearts. A yearning we all have. Some would say, the Holy Spirit falls when the waterworks begin.

So here's the truth from God's Word that dropped into my head as my heart was poked.

What happened at that OC high school was more than kindness or charity. Kylie's initiative and the response of his peers was a tangible demonstration of God's Kingdom coming to earth as it is in heaven. Do you know--really believe?--that accepting Jesus makes us sons and daughters of the King of Kings! Literally, we are adopted into His family to receive the same inheritance--eternal life plus immeasurable riches and the right to rule.

Unfathomable, until we see it dramatized in a true story like Mark's. Who can grasp...?

Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) Ephesians 1

Glory and strength to Christ, who loves us,
who blood-washed our sins from our lives,
Who made us a Kingdom, Priests for his Father,
forever—and yes, he's on his way! Revelation 1:6

Now listen, daughter, don't miss a word:
forget your country, put your home behind you.
Be here—the king is wild for you.
Since he's your lord, adore him. Psalm 45

He said to them, “When you pray, say: “‘Father, hallowed be your name, your Kingdom come. Luke 11:1-3

(I also love it because Facebook is a new, regular part of Reid's Language Arts activities at school--age appropriate and socially relevant. And could there be a better case for inclusion?)

You did click the link and read the article, right?

All God's Children

2011-09-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

If you've never been in a room full of kids with disabilities, you haven't lived!

That wish may not be at the top your bucket list but, trust me if you ever get the chance it will tip your whole bucket upside down. Add music, worship or performance to that room and you approach an other-worldly experience that quickly becomes spiritual.

There is nothing quite so humbling or profound as watching people express themselves creatively without inhibition. I have had this experience a handful of times: at a Music Therapy Center recital, at Beyond Limits adult Sunday school class, and at the Young Life Capernaum Club Talent Show last June. Take a peek at what our friend Sean Horton captured on film.

Capernaum Talent Show from Sean Horton on Vimeo.

My experience must only begin to approach God's delight at watching us, his children--all of us differently-abled--using the gifts He gave us freely without comparison or ego or pride to adulterate them. It's pure and true to a liberating extent.

"Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:6-8

“To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey." Matthew 25:14-15

Photo credit: Bill Wilson

P.S. You're invited to visit a Capernaum Club every other Thursday night at 6:30 at Flood church offices on Ruffin Road in San Diego.

Unplugged...literally

2011-09-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday of all Thursdays, we experienced a power outage in all of San Diego. Perhaps you read about it. What the news didn't mention was that Paula Dawson and I had been working for months with Tobias Haglund planning our first annual San Diego Capernaum fundraiser. All that day, we had loaded, unloaded and shlepped belly bar tables, glassware, raffle items, and provisions from around the county up to the 5th floor rooftop venue for this "perfect evening." By 3:00 we were home to shower. At 3:38 the power was out. Regardless of the unforeseen problem, we were back on the roof by 6:00 unable to turn our enthusiasm off.

As Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Following is the letter we delivered the morning after to nearly 100 guests who could not make it...and a few more pictures because we were just so pumped up to celebrate the first year of this ministry!

The people rubbed their eyes, incredulous—and then also gave glory to God. Awestruck, they said, "We've never seen anything like that!"

Luke 5:26 The Message

the namesake story of Capernaum matched our experience last night at the Rooftop Soiree when God said, “Let there be candlelight and a full moon.”

Have you ever planned something that didn’t turn out quite the way you planned it…yet it was still awesome?

Clearly, last Thursday night we were planning one thing and the Lord had another idea. Our preparations for you to hear the highlights of the first year of San Diego Capernaum’s existence were thwarted by the power outage. But not doused.

Twenty-five of us did make it, believe it or not. We have included the photos to prove it. We hope this goodie bag might be the next best thing to being there. When you have time, read on and we will tell you how it went.

Many of you have asked this morning after, “How can I help?” The short answer is: You could complete the enclosed giving card and return it to us. Our top priority is to increase monthly giving through electronic funds transfers of any amount. More on that below…

Parents of special needs kids share an almost universal experience of finding God’s greater glory in the midst of what can feel like disappointment or loss at first. A son you thought you’d teach to surf never does. Instead God’s plan for him is to touch hearts through music and transform your family from the inside out. A daughter who may never live alone brings joy to hundreds of “typical” kids at camp with a highly contagious laugh. Last night was one more opportunity to practice flexibility, acceptance of whatever the Lord gives or takes away, and squint our eyes to recognize hidden blessings.

Who would’ve imagined how the Spirit would move amidst the more intimate crowd: the One Hope wine rep was clearly inspired; a volunteer catering assistant hugged us and said he’d like his daughter to work at the camp he heard described; one diehard couple came unshowered after cleaning their salt water aquarium that had flooded; and every single one of our faithful volunteer leaders stayed into the wee hours to fellowship.

We were blessed by your intentions of attending. It was an incredible setting. Liz Stiger told touching stories about the privilege of being the “best friend” to numerous teens with disabilities. She has walked alongside them as they face real trials and make life-changing decisions. She called us to bold belief like the four men who lowered their friend through the roof at Capernaum to get him to Jesus' feet. She told modern day examples of transformation that take place when we invite Jesus into our heart. And she testified to the benefits that inclusive camping offers to the typical kids.

Wonderful as it was to hear her, sample savory treats and and sip a cold Corona after braving the incredulous traffic to finally get there, our goal was not just to show you a night on the town with food, music and a spectacular view. Our goal was to communicate to you the vision of Young Life Capernaum, show you the mighty way God is working through our Area Director, Tobias Haglund and his team, and give you an easy opportunity to participate.

We are convinced God wants San Diego Capernaum to be healthy and self-sustaining. After just 6 months in operation we have grown from serving 8 families to 22. It gives us joy as a Committee that God lets us help Him collect the financial resources needed to sustain and grow this ministry. We have seen first hand the incredible things God is doing through Tobias and his faithful and unbelievably talented leadership team. You can too on our webpage or Facebook where we will post the slideshow and Talent Show video we prepared.

Our fundraising goal for the second year is $70,000. We need $40,000 to “keep the lights on” (pun intended). Another $15,000 would enhance the program (North County is begging for a second Club location), provide additional training, and send more kids to summer camp next year. We also think it prudent to have $15,000 in the bank going into year three. Praise God that we currently have $13,000 in monthly pledges, so we are on our way.

The enclosed card outlines three ways to participate with us; we need Prayers, Players, and Payers. We hope you will check one of those and return it to us.

Payers may give online or by mail. We have donors giving from $5 per month to $400 per month. The automatic withdrawal option is easy, maintenance free, and gives you an email receipt every month. Please consider this as you contemplate your participation. Other donors prefer to give one-time gifts. We appreciate both.

We praise God for the incredible memories of last night: the full moon, the safe arrival and departure of our speaker from Washington, our accident-free exit down five flights of stairs in the dark, the opportunity to feed the homeless of San Diego with copious party trays, the flashlight in Sally’s purse, 2 out of 4 Kingsmen singing Switchfoot's “This is Your Life” unplugged, the exuberant smiles of downtown dwellers who could walk home, the unforgettable memory of being above the fray as sirens sounded without ceasing and the Kingdom work God lets us help Him do.

Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?  Isaiah 53:1-3

Family Portrait Bloopers

2011-08-27T14:29:00.000-07:00

Am I the only mother with a shoebox labeled "Christmas Card Bloopers"? One day I swear I'll make an album of those. They tell more of the story than the staged ones that made it to print and got mailed.

I don't think it's a sick or twisted trait. We all long for truth. That longing in me wants to embrace the twin runny noses on the front porch of our Chicago house the year my toddlers hung on the icicled rail gazing west into the sunset. The truth those bloopers told was how much we all longed to go {back} west to the beaches of 72 and sunny San Diego.

Family portraits present the same dilemma. Do we dare tell the truth? Let alone frame it. We were in Nantucket last week and took the opportunity for a professional photo shoot. Jim took these from the sidelines. The truth is: we love to recycle, keep the beach clean and make music!

Certainly, I'm not the only one who prefers candids. But these are pushing it don't you think? We shall see what Cary Hazlegrove got. And then decide what to submit for the yearbook Senior Picture.

"Walk straight, act right, tell the truth. Psalm 15:1-3

Not so fast," said the king. "How many times have I made you promise under oath to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth?" 2 Chronicles 18:14-16

For God's Word is solid to the core; everything he makes is sound inside and out. He loves it when everything fits, when his world is in plumb-line true. Psalm 33:3-5

Seeing Potential

2011-08-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

Reid came running off the bus as elated as his cheery bus drivers. He was in proud possession of another "Social Superstar award" from school. Waving it with shoulders back and a big wide grin made him seem 3 feet taller than when he'd left that morning. The thrill of victory!

It reminded me of the one he'd brought home last January. It's still on the bulletin board waiting to make the blog. It reads "Hygiene Social Superstar" which was ironic at the time. I imagine it may have been a one-time-only creation from the genius staff at Pioneer Day School.

What lies beneath the surface (but is not lost on me) is the fact that his nose was running heavily that week with a persistent cold. He hates to handle tissues, let alone use them to actually wipe his nose. The fact that they gave him the "hygiene" award that particular week, first made me laugh. Were they being sarcastic?! I could see the disgusting result of 7 hours of drip being wiped on the same shirtsleeve.

But really and truly, they live out the tagline on the Director's auto signature: "Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great." Mark Twain

To perceive, let alone treat people according to their potential is a mighty thing. They did not emphasize the mess, the inconvenience or the breach in sanitation mores. Instead they rewarded the progress toward mastery in personal hygiene. Maybe it was one swipe of a kleenex? or two squirts of anti-bac soap? I'll never know, but I appreciate it. Their intention heightened Reid's awareness of his own ability. Their belief was in a future eventuality.

It reminds me of how God the Father sees us through the blood of Christ. He doesn't see our sin or messed up lives. All that is cancelled by the cross. He sees us instead through Jesus--white as snow, forgiven, with a destiny as sons and daughters clothed in robes of righteousness, heirs to his inheritance. A mighty thing indeed!

God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. This is not only clear, but it's now—this is current history! God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness. Romans 3:25

God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! Romans 8:15-17

It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it...From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. Colossians 3:10

Top 10 Tuesday

2011-08-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Favorite Words from Reid's Latest IEP

10. charismatic

9. initiator

8. seizes

7. leading

6. enthusiasm

5. contagious

4. kinesthetic

3. joyful

2. laughing

1. charismatic (yes, it was used twice)

I realize this is taking things out of context, but sitting there sharing a copy of "Present Levels" with Jim, I couldn't help but underline the words that popped out at me. This is our boy!

How wonderful to be around a table of people who notice, appreciate and acknowledge his strengths while they shore up his considerable deficits. Keeping the gifts in sight is what motivates us all, including Reid. As it's been said, we become what we focus on.

I wouldn't have imagined ever saying this but the morning after, I told Jim I wish those meetings were more often. To brainstorm and collaborate with people who care so deeply about Reid's future and work creatively and tirelessly toward common goals, was energizing.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:7-9

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-3

Always laughing?

2011-07-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

Having a sense of humor is:

a. valuable

b. preferable

c. mandatory

d. all of the above

Standing at the sink, I made statement "a" like an opening bid then raised it to "b" before Jim added "c" and the correct answer "d."

In progressive waves, we have realized this truth. Was a time, we could not laugh. At the mere suggestion we'd make the cynical retort, "It's that or cry." Worse yet, "shut up, it is not funny!" which I think I actually said to my mom when she suggested, "it helps to have a sense of humor about it, don't you think?"

"It" being the precarious predicaments Reid gets himself (and us) into or our inability to control him. At the time, it may have been climbing into a recycling bin or cutting to the front of an ice cream line unabashedly.

Another time, a college buddy of ours came to visit with his family of four from Ohio. We hadn't seen them in years nor met each other's kids. The hallmark of this guy (and his wife coincidentally enough) has always been his sense of humor. On and on the stories go, of spring break trips when he used cream cheese to soothe his sunburned face since Noxema was unavailable. Or numerous one-liners he's coined which live on in our collective family lexicon but make no sense cause "you had to be there" for his Chaplin-esque delivery.

Leave it to them to identify the humor in our family dynamic. It was his wife who said, "So are you just laughing all the time?" For that was their experience of a day with Reid. What a funny, entertaining household must be created by his antics. Hahahaha...the possibility gave me pause. When had amusing become annoying and how could we go back?

Yesterday, for whatever cumulation of reasons, Jim and I were genuinely, simultaneously, heartily both belly laughing with Reid (not at him which is a key distinction) in public! It felt like a milestone of joy replacing grief. Reid's exuberant joy superceded any vestige of anger and fear we used to hold.

On the way home from the beach we had stopped for the ritual Roberto's burrito. Often we get it togo. Tonight Kool and the Gang was wafting through the outdoor patio seating area which drew Reid out like a magnet. While Jim ordered at the window, Reid was in plain view. I saw him approach a solitary male diner but could not hear what he said. The man bemusedly looked around for a parent or some explanation. I laid low in the car in my barefeet and modest cover up. He hadn't done enough to require my intervention.

Then began a series of dance moves in between the two-top tables. Starting with a little step ball change, he transitioned to the Snook torso twist, the Linus and Lucy dance, then what looked like the Elmo slide from my vantage point. The sequence brought unavoidable chuckles from a neighboring table of 2 men.

Jim rounded the corner of the building, grinned at his dancing fool and offered his own woot woot and Latin hip movement to the party. To which Reid shouted, "let's get Mom!" "Let's all dance....come on mom get outta the car."

I tried to duck, hide behind my hand, and lower my gaze but the entire town had eyeballed me by the time Reid got to the driver's side car door. He opened it and tried to pull me out across the front console. I had to go now. The last time this happened I was in a wedding dress back-paddling out of the mosh pit Jim's (they-don't-call-him-Gumby-for-nothing) relatives had formed at our wedding. I've changed since then. For this time I raised my hand above my head and busted out my best John Travolta Sunday Night Fever move as I came around the car.

So much for take out. We sat there groovin' and movin' enjoying how contagious joy can be...and grateful we'd caught it!

Knowing Your Own Strength

2011-06-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

We have a big dog. Large by any standard--treat size, food type, kennel cost or flea prescription--Benny's weight hovers just below 100 pounds. Over 7 years we've come to know him affectionately by numerous names: Puppy Precious, Gentle Ben, Big Ben, Charlie Tiger Lion (Reid's redub of the MGM lion), Old Yeller, New Yeller, Benny Boy, and Aslan.

He stands guard like a sphinx at several sunny posts in our backyard. He is an early warning system for both the UPS truck and pedestrians slowing in front of our house. Often he howls without leaving his spot and even from an upside down prone posture in his corner of the living room. No need to get up, just sounding an alert. He is ever on guard whether at the back fence or the front door, waiting...watching. In addition to being a guard dog, he's a big hunk-a-munk who sleeps at the foot of Allie's bed and plops on my feet while I prep food at the kitchen counter. If you know him intimately as we do, he's a tender heart.

If you don't, he is easily mistaken for Cujo (especially from the other side of a closed door). His seriously startling bark puts the postwoman off several yards when she has to deliver an oversized package. The burliest contractors are caught unaware (until they toss his tennis ball).

The Lord speaks to me through Benney. Yesterday it happened again. Walking him around our loop, we passed a woman tangled up with two miniature dogs. They yipped and yapped at my Big Ben from all the way across the street. Ben is easily 5 times their size yet they feel the compunction to get his dander up. It didn't work.

I imagined the thought bubble over his head, "You gotta be kidding me...really?" Ben kept his stately pace, glanced over but did not dignify them with a response. He didn't have to. He knows the strength of his jaw alone could crush a pack of papillons. There was no need to bark.

I've been praying in new ways this year, casting out demons, taking authority over principalities and rulers of darkness, and reading Jesus' words literally when it comes to healing. In establishing this new habit, at first I think I yelled or at least raised my voice slightly thinking that must be necessary for these more powerful prayers to work. At times, I felt the need to call in others who knew the "right way" or had more authority or experience. Rather quickly, I've seen that it is not about the volume, amount of noise, or how loud our bark.

God's Word is more powerful than any two-edged sword. When we claim His promises, even silently, it suppresses the enemy spirits that yap in our minds taunting us with lies. Believing the power of His blood shed on the cross and knowing the authority we have in Jesus' name is the strength we need in spiritual warfare. When we do, His victory is ours (Romans 8).

The Lord has many names: Savior, Almighty, Commander of the Angel Armies, Provider, Brother, Yahweh, Healer, Protector. To know Him intimately is different than to hear His thunderous voice from afar or read about His wrath. Once you trust Him there is no fear--of Him or anything else.

Notably, Benney only barks when contained at home, not out on a leash. As long as we're connected, Benney and I carry on with our walk and those pesky little spirits flee like a terrier on a tether. Likewise, as long as I'm connected with Jesus (abiding as the Bible calls it; He as the vine, I the branches), I carry on with life dismissing as many demons as He lets me sense. For I know without a doubt, that my God is greater, awesome in power...Our God...Our God... Doesn't take long to remind me of a song:

(Apologies to my small dog owning friends. It's just a metaphor.)

"Here's what I'm saying: Ask and you'll get; Seek and you'll find; Knock and the door will open. Luke 11:8-10

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty. Zechariah 4:5-7

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:18-20

A New Car!

2011-05-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

Standing in the Toyota Carlsbad used car lot, Jim tried to track the various specs our salesman, Mo, had committed to memory. Which Prius in the row was the best value for us? They honestly need a chart (or a website like CarMax). Without it, the oral recounting was as lost on us as the details of our genealogy.

Jim started to sound like a parrot, reiterating his own clarifying questions.

"How much is the that one again?"

"What was the mileage on the white one?"

"Has the black one been discounted yet?"

Each time we moved down the line to the next car, we lost site of the sticker on the previous one. It's a larger-than-life-size game of elimination. And that was before we got to my color preferences.

Reid must have been thinking this looked a lot like a rental car lot at any airport in the country. He knew what to do. Hop in, hang on, and start scoping out the glovebox.

As we'd piled out of Jim's MiniCooper, Reid opened the back door of the silver one right next to us, "I like this one. Let's go." (Come to think of it, that's the one we drove off the lot 2 hours later. Hmm..)

I was on Reid-patrol since Jim is the premier negotiator, "Well not yet, Reid. Dad has to talk to the man here and think it through. It costs a lot of dollars so, it might take him a little while." This is when the circular Q and A ensued.

That was our cue to search for a vending machine. Before we did, Reid put a hand on Jim's shoulder and came out with a phrase I imagine he must hear frequently at school, "Dad, are you having trouble making a choice?"

The kid speaks the truth...and keeps us laughing:)

I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Matthew 11:25

Who is the man who fears the LORD? He will instruct him in the way he should choose. Psalm 25:11-13

Get wisdom—it's worth more than money; choose insight over income every time. Proverbs 16:15-17

Top 10 Tuesday

2011-05-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

Top 1o Things I am Thankful for this Week

1. a husband who serves (and surfs)

2. a decisive husband

3. a husband who seeks righteousness

4. children who are set apart

5. children who embrace their destiny

6. children who tell me they love me, often

7. friends who hold me accountable

8. friends who pray aloud, face down, and without ceasing

9. friends who text me Scripture

10. Eugene Petersen's translation of The Message

11. a God who reveals Himself to me specifically through rain, numbers, and newspaper headlines

12. a God who makes my enemies a footstool for my feet

Oh, that's twelve.

Hallelujah! I give thanks to God with everything I've got—

Wherever good people gather, and in the congregation.

God's works are so great, worth

A lifetime of study—endless enjoyment! Psalm 111:1

A Deafening Silence

2011-05-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

I must report a new noise around here. Accustomed to the after school din of Nick Jr., BluesClues intro or Between the Lions, I was shocked twice this week by the sound of silence. It's a beautiful thing. And I think it really is a sacred thing too.

Peace, at last. Hurrah! The addictive trait of zoning out to television has has been broken and is staying so.

Can anyone relate to the shock and dismay of this? Without my asking, Reid turned off the set and chose to get his homework, sit in concentration to complete it, and then simply sit and be. This concept of rest is unprecedented in his repetoire of recreational activities.

Once upon a time I (or a team of therapists) would structure his every waking moment and attempt to factor in some quiet in theory. In practice, this always took more of my time and energy and talking than it was really worth. Prompting and following through; reinforcing and praising.

Somewhere in the teens, I acquiesced to the age appropriate allowance of vegging on the couch after a long day of school and bailed on the hope of productive independence. I'm ashamed to admit, it's just easier and I've run out of steam.

But praises be! It is happening spontaneously before my very eyes. Again today, there was a reasonable amount of tv, then a bath, a rest period, then engagement with dad. No tv blaring, no pleading and negotiating.

"Be still and know that I am God," is an oft-quoted verse to slow our American 21st century pace. In my past reality, living with someone whose engine runs on constant high, it seems slightly unrealistic. Hyperactivity has a contagious aspect to it. It dictates that at least one other party is launched into a synchronized orbit. Like a tag team surveillance operation, Jim and I have developed a rhythm over the years of alternating being "on." Supervising, intervening, available and alert. This has been our norm for years. The house is rarely quiet. As one friend duly noted, its like the terrible two's but you haven't outgrown them. (At the time, I did not appreciate that.)

Even if I forcibly remove myself to the hammock in the backyard, a habitual hyper-vigilance cues me to the tv's buzz, the garage door creak, the stainless fridge door flashing open. "Just in case;" "you never know;" "better safe than sorry" reminders caption every quasi-meditational thought in my head. We are not accustomed to rest or stillness.

How does one who is never still begin to know God? Or develop intimacy with Him? It's easy to see how our hyperactivity--whether chosen or imposed--serves to separate us from hearing--knowing--experiencing God. If experiencing God happens in stillness, then how will it happen for the hyperactive child or parent? It is both a discipline and a skill.

What I'm realizing this month in gratitude is that the converse of that Scripture is also true: Knowing that I am God enables you to be still. As Jim and I acknowledge God on the throne in our home, knock other idols off the high places (yes, i mean tv), and take more of His Word literally, peace arrives. We can all be still, not because we changed anything in the physical--rules, rewards, or policies--but as a result of changes in the spiritual invisible realm.

The change is inexplicable and undeniable. But don't take my word for it, take God's.

Silence is praise to you, Zion-dwelling God, and also obedience. You hear the prayer in it all. Psalm 65:1 The Message

Quiet, everyone! Shh! Silence before God. Something's afoot in his holy house. He's on the move! Zechariah 2:12-13

"But oh! God is in his holy Temple! Quiet everyone—a holy silence. Listen!" Habakkuk 2:19-20

Giving up the Need to Know

2011-05-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

I can explain almost everything around here--no matter how odd. How did the trash can get in the living room? Why is the mail on the curb? What's that brown smear on the towel? Where is the scotch tape? Do we have any Parmesan? What time is...?

As moms who make a vocation of studying their spirited, strong-willed, challenging, indigo, otherwise unique children, I can nearly read Reid's mind. True confession: I take pride in that. It's second nature to surmise a motivation for almost any of his behaviors. I'm not saying I can control, extinguish, or modify them but, almost always I can hazard a good guess as to the method behind the madness. Small comfort, I know.

This baseball, Exhibit A, is an exception to the rule. I have no idea where it came from!

When I asked Reid, "what does it say?" he answered, "Babe Ruth." Obviously. You do the math (or spell check as it were)!

It is Reid's writing for certain. But I am clueless as to who, what, when, where or why it got autographed. What brought Babe to mind? Who explained the concept of signing to him? What precipitated the burst of appropriateness and synergy of understanding?

I silence the barrage of questions running through my mind in order to revel in the independence that it marks. He's achieved something I can't explain! I didn't witness it happening and I can't decipher its arrival. Good for him! And oddly, newly, surprisingly, gratefully, there is freedom in letting that be.

In my mind, the limited edition autographed baseball immediately became a tangible symbol of Reid's increased comprehension of the world. It's also a momento of the joy that is mine (did I say joy? not despair, fear or regret) when I relinquish the need to know every minutia of his daily life. Truth be told, it's really control fueled by pride and fear. Sayonara!

I just finished studying the tabernacle of God in Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart. This tent of meeting that the Israelites carried through the wilderness for 40 years was God's dwelling place with them. A minutia of detail surround its construction and every color and composition of thread used; every position of every piece of furniture and curtain in it has meaning. One could re-do that workbook 5 times and still be discovering. There is sooo much we don't know about the symbolism of Christ, about how to pray, about how the spiritual world works. Marvel in it! And let it be...for God to know and show you if and when He decides you need to know.

Wasn't this the fatal flaw of Eve in the Garden? Her driving motivation to gain "the knowledge of good and evil" was what the enemy held out to her as reason enough to break a simple, solitary rule established for her own good.

Like a maturing child learning that I actually can wait for Christmas morning without peeking at presents, I am learning from Reid, from autism, from the ever-loving, patient teacher, Lord, to trust and not know everything. I don't have--don't want--to have all the answers.

“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” Romans 11:33-35

God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead." Genesis 2:15-17

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace... Ephesians 2:6-8

Easter People are Re-people

2011-04-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Reid has a keen eye for truth and excellent ears. As I clue into what fascinates him--be it a certain video clip or a song lyric--I find meaning. Either meaning that he has gleaned or a message he is attempting to communicate with those who will listen. Or both.

I am learning to interpret this more quickly and trust his "stims" as creative and intentional. Admittedly, it has taken me awhile. What can I say, I'm slow.

Over and over, I am reminded and convinced that "he gets it." Like yesterday in church, when he repeated the third sermon outline point to me as a command, "Stop doubting mom, and believe!"

He may appear tuned out in his own world but, in fact, he adeptly straddles two worlds as Lucy did Narnia and London. There are no coincidences. He is communicating truth in a unique way--both receiving and proclaiming it.

This day after Easter, may I present this explanation of the resurrection Reid-style?

(Click here for the video link if you're on Facebook.)

Distilling the gospel to its most elemental, it is a three part saga:

God created man to dwell with Him in Eden.

The serpent undermined His authority introducing sin.

Jesus came to be sin for us on the cross to reconcile us with God.

It wasn't until the jillionth time (I'm estimating) that this segment was rewound and replayed on our set, re-rented from the library and re-searched on Youtube, that I realized the beauty of it. Leave it to Reid to recognize truth "Between the Lions."

The celebration of Easter at its core is that we are re-people. Repentant, restored, reconciled, resurrected, rejoicing, reunited with our God. Happy Easter!!

Dancing with Mal

2011-04-05T06:24:00.000-07:00

I just finished Emily Colson's book, Dancing with Max. It is a terrific read disclosing her journey getting to know both her dad and her son all at once. Her faith and immense love--themselves gifts from God--are central themes enabling her to appreciate that her son with autism is a gift. Her masterful writing and disarming humor refresh the familiar story line of diagnosis to acceptance. I could particularly relate (as in, laugh outloud) to this excerpt:

Max had an appointment with a doctor who specialized in integrative medicine. He wasn't one of those crystal-worshiping, incense-burning practitioners, but a rather sophisticated doctor utilizing both alternative and conventional practices... He needed Max's treatment history, and of course, in the process, he would realize I was not neglectful crackhead parent, but a serious overachiever-type mom. The cross hanging around my neck would speak of my faith, my commitment, my clean lifestyle. I even found a way to tell him that I'd spoken at several area conferences, just in case he might need such a service. All those years as a graphic designer creating corporate identities taught me the power of communicating the right image. I pictured this doctor eventually inviting us into his home, telling me secret cures for autism, while he stood at his kitchen counter mixing Chinese mushroom powder into wheat grass. And he would realize that helping Max, the innocent child of a loving Christian and by-no-possible-fault-of-her-own single mother, was his life's mission.

"Does he have any language?" the doctor asked as Max sat silently outside the door.

"Oh, yes. It doesn't come easily, but he uses full sentences now," I answered.

He fired off a list of questions about sleep habits, diet, digestion, but kept coming back to the issue of language. "You said he does speak, is that correct? He's right outside my office door, and . . . I don't think I've heard him say anything."

"Yes, he's just very anxious here," I explained as if we were colleagues.

Our appointment was nearing an end, and I was pleased at the doctor's willingness to order numerous laboratory tests. "Could your son come in so that I could talk with him a bit? Would

he do that?" he asked.

"Maybe," I answered. "Max," I called as I looked into the hall. "Can you come sit with Mommy for a minute? Then we'll be all done and do something fun." Max stood up as if he always followed my requests and entered the examination room. The doctor greeted him, but Max brushed past his desk and stood silently at the window gazing out over the Cambridge neighborhood. "Good job Max," I proudly commended. "We're going to do something fun next."

And then it happened. My son must have a locator device implanted in his brain, because it only took him two seconds to see into a storefront window on the street below that obviously had commercial refrigerators. And with that motivation, my son spoke his first, and what would be his only, words for the doctor to hear.

"Mom, after this we can go to the liquor store."

Delighted at the prospect, Max walked out and sat beside my mother, who looks as much like an alcoholic as Mary Poppins.

The doctor's eyes shone on me like headlights. I was so busy being perfect that I forgot to laugh. The more I tried to explain, the worse it looked; he wasn't buying the whole refrigerator-obsession thing.

She has been there! I have been there. She has been where I have been! Thank you Lord that you do whatever it takes to free us from a spirit of pride.

It happens bit by bit--like becoming real. Reid, like Max, has taught his mom many things, not the least of which is to recognize embarrassment as the indicator light of pride. Having a son with absolutely no social inhibition continues to set me free from a fear of man.

Allie too. Just last week, she recalled sitting in a theater dying a thousand deaths because her brother was "so embarrassing." "What was he doing?" I'd forgotten. "Being overly happy," was her description. Is that such a crime? It's exactly what he does though. He expresses uncontainable joy so much so that it's socially unacceptable.

Even when he was a toddler, I found it hard to correct him for being too gleeful during library storytime, too excited to meet Mary Poppins at Disneyland, or euphoric when Souplantation had Barney bean salad (our term, not theirs) in the buffet smorgasbord. Gradually (unable to control or contain it), I've come to realize that it is more my problem than his. He embodies joy. That is a gift to those who receive it. And if it bothers someone on the way, that is their problem.

Now only a vestige of my pride remains. I recognize it in this clip of Reid cutting loose at a recent Banding Together coffeehouse concert. He's the one--the only one--on the dance floor doing aerial 360's. I am one feigning nonchalance in the black and white raincoat. Who's the woman dancing with him unabashedly? That is Malvina. Thank you Lord for friends who have more love than pride . . . who dole it out liberally all over everybody . . . who don't squelch his exuberance. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:9-10

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:6-8

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:7-9

March Podcast: Marcie Strandburg

2011-04-03T08:54:00.000-07:00

Mercy me. I missed March 31st to post Miss Marcie!

Marcie Strandburg is a one of the few, the humble, the prayer warriors. She showed up when I advertised a Moms in Touch prayer circle for special needs moms several years ago. In order to appreciate how unique and faithful she is, you need to know I sent more than 100 email invitations!

She is a rare gem of a tender heart who really prays--alone, together, outloud, silently, by email, in her sleep. We have become closer friends since then and now serve together on several committees. Marcie is Prayer Captain for Young Life Capernaum San Diego. She heads up Aspirations, a monthly Asperger's support group at North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad. Her website is a great local resource. And--the Lord multiplies her time--she's been instrumental in hosting our next Concert of Prayer there too! Save the date: Saturday morning, May 21st!

You won't hear any of that on this podcast though, just her humble heart of love for the Lord and her son, Jacob. I love doing these because every time, I learn something new about one of my friends. Listen and love...

AutismUnplugged-Marcie.Strandburg.mp3

Breakdown--Not!

2011-04-02T04:45:00.000-07:00

Nancy, beloved bus aide, often has a story. Reid is the last drop off for them in the heat of the afternoon so depending on the length of the tale, Elvira sometimes turns the engine off. Especially on Fridays, it's like gathering at the water cooler with them or Miller time, depending on your prerogative.

This afternooon's report was good. Apparently, the bus broke down in the morning. Never fun, you can only imagine how that unplanned variable could unnerve a busload of half a dozen kids with developmental disabilities. With their various needs, one common denominator is the need for predictability and structure. Nobody does unexpected change well, especially at the end of the week.

Nancy was excited though, "Oh, I've gotta tell you...this morning...the coolest thing! Reid was great."

The bus petered out . . . Elvira's foot to the floor still wouldn't accelerate it. Losing power, she edged to the side of the road registering a mechanical failure. At that point, "Reid stood up with both hands outstretched and declared, 'Remain calm everyone." And they did. Some filed out to play with a neighborly dog. Reid remained in the vehicle (that in itself is a marker). A new bus arrived in due time and off they went for a good day at school, albeit tardy.

Nancy didn't know the British origin of that phrase or that it's been my mantra during times of domestic meltdown for years. Here it hangs in our upstairs hall:

Today, the first day of April, this sounds like victory to me. Not only was Reid able to hold it together and be calm, he also had the composure and authority to pass along his mastery to others. That's a move from surviving to thriving.

My goal used to be keep calm and carry on in the face of chaos. I'm shifting. Now I need to keep calm and carry on rather than leap for joy in elation and awe at the transformation God is bringing about before my eyes.

So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. 2 Timothy 2:2 The Message

See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42:8-10

But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. 1 Corinthians 10:22-24

Puzzle No More

2011-04-01T09:29:00.000-07:00

The puzzle piece icon has become an almost universal symbol for autism. Generally speaking, I steer away from it. I don't sport the ribbon pin, keychain, bumper sticker, or mindset--though these clogs did catch my eye.

Nevertheless, today is the day--April is the month--to get on the Autism Awareness band wagon. While I am changing my profile pic, screwing blue bulbs into my porch lights, and printing out my Turning the Tide prayer calendar today, I figured I would also search BibleGateway for what the God has to say about "puzzles."

"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things." Jeremiah 17:8-10 The Message

Read that verse again! The puzzles no one can figure out, are not secrets of darkness to Him. He has a strategy; He's not stumped; He's ordained our days.

He is not puzzled over this epidemic. He is up to something. Further, it is just not His way to hide things from us. He's just waiting like a desperate mom, for each of his children to make eye contact and call out His name.

The Light it Up Blue campaign is easy to scripturalize. As we seek to Shine a Light on Autism, let's call upon the God of Genesis who brought light itself into being with His words, "Let there be light." His Son, the light of the world, came from heaven to earth with a mission to cancel our sin, heal the blind, seek and save the lost. His Spirit communicates those secrets of darkness to us when we ask. According to both the book of Revelation and little Colton's account in Heaven is For Real, there is no darkness in heaven. God and Jesus literally light it up.

I am celebrating dramatic deliverance and freedom this month that we've experienced since last April, which was very dark. From that hellhole of pharmaceuticals, panic, and power failure, we have been rescued. It sounds like I'm preaching but really I am astonished--like Colton's parents--or the Israelites looking back at the Red Sea--that it is all real! Everything He says He does, when we do it His way: remove the idols, pray without ceasing, and submit to our husbands. He shines a light on autism, cancer, AIDS, and every other disease that puzzles us.

Are you getting on the band wagon this April? Ask the Lord what He would have you do. He is faithful to reveal it one piece at a time.

"Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark--light spills out of him! Daniel 2:22 The Message

Suddenly, God, your light floods my path, God drives out the darkness. I smash the bands of marauders, I vault the high fences. What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it. 2 Samuel 22:28-30 The Message

Headed for Completion

2011-03-31T06:26:00.000-07:00

Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:18-20

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:5-7

I love the way God speaks a different message to me each year through the holy days of Passover, Easter, and Christmas. ...and how they are connected--a sort of spiral curriculum just for me. For years as a mother, I've identified with Mary "pondering these things in her heart." Rendered speechless for fear of misinterpreting or getting ahead of God is an all too familiar posture. Noodling on the bigger picture is my favorite pastime.

This December though, in the middle of our Many Moods Christmas concert, it struck me afresh. Mary had been told she'd give birth to the Messiah her people had been waiting on for centuries. The King who would deliver them from the evil reign of King Herod and others.

How would this helpless, homeless, human babe in her arms get from here to there? How much more would she and Joseph be responsible to prepare him? Was it presumptuous of her to even believe what the angel had said?

She'd been waiting 12 years, perhaps long enough to have tabled the promise, before she had any real evidence of it coming to fruition. By the time Jesus stayed behind at the temple, Mary might well have needed a reminder of who He was to become. It was not her first reflex when He turned up missing. Nor is it mine when Reid goes missing in Target or church or the Farmer's Market.

Sadly, I watched a mother from a podium recently recount the deficits and delays her teenage daughter had as a toddler. In front of her, the girl performed with a cheerleading squad from her public high school. Rather than relish the inclusion or celebrate her accomplishment, in essence this mother re-labeled the poor girl publicly. With tears and pity from her old wineskin, she mortified those of us listening on. Holding her daughter to an old diagnosis, she set a powerful example of what not-to-do.

I wanted to go tell the truth to that teenager of who she was in Christ; how God saw her in her potential; how He was completing the good work He'd begun in her. Hard to do at an autism fundraiser...where the sympathy vote seems to always win...but, then there is this blog...

Last December, Reid and I began reading this list of affirmations from God's Word every night at bedtime. And you know what, we are starting to believe them. It causes us both to act as if they are true. Some nights he picks 4, other nights I read a whole page; some nights he joins me in a hearty "Amen" after each one, other nights I oblige his, "don't do the 'amens.' Every night, I trust what God has done, is doing and will do to cause Reid "to grow in wisdom and favor and stature with God and with man," just like he did for His only begotten son, the baby Jesus.

Other variations of the list are here and here. Just pick your favorite.

There is reality and there is hope. Reality as I know it is constantly changing. Hope does not disappoint. I choose to believe even when I cannot see. For it is by our faith, that we are healed! God finishes what He begins; the baby in the stable became a Messiah who died for our sins and rose from the dead. Exactly as it is written. And He will return....as King of Kings.

The same God who planned that, can bring our kids on the spectrum to completion. Easter is coming my friends!

Let this song sink in. Let your faith arise...believe...agree with the Creator.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-25

...hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:4-6

Grateful for Surround Sound

2011-03-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Every single morning these ladies bless me: Elvira and Nancy, bus drivers extraordinaire. Long time readers will remember God's grace and provision in the first bus drivers I ever trusted. Same Nancy, new sidekick. She has circulated back to our route and brought Elvira along to harmonize.

What is it about these two? They may not win any awards for the song writing jingle, but they make my day! Everyday. Full of love, they spill it all over Reid with this customized cheer when he boards the bus. It began as a reward for being ready and waiting "on the step" at 6:55am. Honestly, now I think they do it whether he's late or not. What is it about Reid? He brings out the best in people.

These ladies go above and beyond driving safely. They drive sweetly. Now that the ready-on-time goal has been 90% accomplished, they are onto a wave-to-mom maneuver. She actually honked at me last week when I missed my cue. (It takes two, ya' know.) After my end of the waving ritual is complete with my blessing spoken outloud, I shut the door to peace and quiet knowing my guy is in good hands. I breathe easy knowing they genuinely care. Daily, they give me that gift of peace of mind.

Love my son, love me. Is it not true for all parents? The quickest way to our hearts is to show authentic, pure, agape love toward our offspring. Don't give me a thing; you don't even have to give me the time of day. Just invest in my kid and you've won me for life.

Churches know this; thriving children's ministry is the key to growing a congregation. A ministry I admire, Southeast Asia Prayer Center takes it to the mountains and disciples whole villages in Tibet after giving heart surgery to kids.

Afterall, it's the heart of God the Father. He says, love my one and only Son, Jesus, and you love me. He wants nothing more.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:5-7

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. John 14:22-24

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:20-22

Serendipitous Victory

2011-03-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

Some nights it just all comes together! (like it was planned in advance)

Last Saturday was the third in a series of six Youth Helping Youth concerts to raise money for Banding Together, a nonprofit with a mission is to provide music therapy scholarships and mentorships to kids with special needs. The Kingsmen have been the de facto poster band for Banding Together since it began. Certainly, they epitomize the mission. They are no longer alone, however. This once-a-month opportunity has attracted interest from other local high school bands who love applause just as much. And two new special needs bands are forming.

The Pacific Ridge School Rock Jazz Ensemble, Vast Zephyr, Dirty Gold, The Third Edition and North Coast Singers Capella group are also getting in on the action, performing to share their passion for music and raise money for kids with special needs who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford music therapy. They know firsthand the power music has to motivate.

Unbenownst to me, a professional videographer in the audience offered up his gifts in the moment to capture the evening and the cause on film. Thank you Sean Horton! Reid got roped into the interview since I'm the last to leave. I don't think he minded, do you?

What do you see? More than money raised, the quality of the actual performance, or number in attendance, I see joyful happy moms who once feared letting their boys play in public. I see an inclusive community of all ages. I see respect for differences. I see admiration. I see innate leadership skills in kids who are marginalized in other contexts. I see joy. I see freedom that comes through the power of music. I see full engagement. I see proud fathers in attendance. I see peace. I see the Kingdom.

David told the leaders of the Levites to appoint their fellow Levites as musicians to make a joyful sound with musical instruments: lyres, harps and cymbals. 1 Chronicles 15:15-17

Applaud God, all people! His love has taken over our lives; God's faithful ways are eternal. Hallelujah! Psalm 117:1-2 The Message

your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matthew 6:9-11

My Poor Lucky Dog

2011-03-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

Many of you know Benny from Facebook. He's getting to be an old dog. Alas, he is having to learn a new trick. And I for one, have faith he can do it!

Our newly landscaped, drought tolerant yard has come to symbolize many things this winter. In the natural realm, it represents countless things the Lord is doing in the spiritual. Last weekend, I was pointing out another parallel to my husband. I couldn't help but notice the tri-trunked sapling draping our hammock reminding me that our marriage is a cord made stronger with God (Ecclesiastes 4:11-13) and I swear the runners of the strawberry plants are being sent out 2 by 2 just like the disciples to spread the gospel (Luke 10:1-3). Lest he miss my train of thought, I prefaced my revelation to Jim, "I am talking about a spiritual reference now in the symbolic." His loving retort, "When are you not?!"

Honestly, I may need to write a museum gallery guide to the yard. There are that many references to scripture, the Tabernacle, and Biblical truth that have become obvious to me as we watch God on the move in our lives this season. I think mounting placards would be too much, don't you?

Anywho, one of the more mundane examples has to do with Benny. Along with the rest of us, his habits are in flux. As a result of the drip irrigation, removal of grass, and new traffic pattern, his previous patch of dead brown crabgrass (ie. toilet) is no longer recognizable to the human eye. Of course, being a dog, he can still sniff it out somehow and returns to exactly the same spot even though it has been completely transformed. This simply won't do as far as I'm concerned. With the clean, new designI have a renewed standard for this beach grass and intend to keep it green and hygienic.

As responsible loving owners, we factored his needs into the plan and actually had better things in mind for him too. Namely, a custom patch of astroturf around the side yard. It's an upgrade: deodorized, and private--whether he knows it or not.

The prophetic parallel from God showed itself in the interim before the turf was complete. Ben was so confused and tentative. I'd "auckk" at him in gutteral canine correction for so much as stepping on the pristine mulch. I think it was clear to him what not to do, but he was clueless what I wanted instead. What were his alternatives?

For several days, he'd hang by the back door looking back at me with each individual step of his four paws, as if to say, "Is this ok? How 'bout here?" It was a game of "hot and cold" where he checked in with me to see if he was on the right track.

It was so cute in a pathetic sort of way. Here he is beseechingly wondering whether he'd found a suitable compromise. It was off the mulch, away from the grass seedlings. Okay, that worked as a stop gap and demonstrated to me his adaptability and nimble mind. All the while, Jim was skeptical, "Let him go on the mulch. He's a dog. You really think you can retrain him?" He forgot how much behavior mod I had under my belt.

My poor dog had to struggle a bit to figure out what I was after. But I am here to tell you that he did! My lucky dog, I had his best interests at heart. It's official folks: you can, in fact, without a doubt, teach an old dog new tricks! Benny loves this spot and visits it happily every morning for all his toileting needs. Master and best friend are happy:)

The good news is, we are all retrainable too. What is the Lord my Master asking of me today? Can I watch and listen for His feedback closely enough to figure it out? Do I crave His good pleasure? Am I attentive to His directions to go right and turn left? Do I live to hear His praise?

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:20-22

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:21-23

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-20

In Which Self-Talk Reveals

2011-03-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, this clip from Father of the Bride is more than just hilarious. I'm searching for it as I work on a book proposal recounting our April 2010 to April 2011 adventure as it relates to and requires a number of re-words. "Re: Re: RE: REID!" is my working title.

I needed to recall Steve Martin's choice list as he flounders to control the attack dogs:

Relent?

Recoil...

"I'm Relaxed..."

Reverse*

Release!

Much more on that later, but I happened upon something easier to tell in one sitting. You hear Steve Martin's self talk? As in numerous comedies, it is made audible in the movie for laughs.

"All I could think about was the size of this place...we coulda parked our whole house in the foyer..."

I live this brand of comedy daily. Reid lets us know exactly what he is thinking with an increasing amount of self-talk both at home and school. On the surface it is just one more "maladaptive" behavior to reckon with and raise concern. Looking deeper, the self-talk is actually worth much more than a few laughs.

Reid's externalized thought process literally reveals his motivations, where he's stuck, what challenge he's facing, and how hard he is attempting to do the right thing. It's a gift of revelation. A helpful tool in showing us how to set his potential free.

By talking to ourselves (albeit silently), don't we all process what is happening around us. We might encourage ourselves or beat ourselves up. Surely we prep up for the day's challenge over the coffee pot or in the closet choosing what to wear. Listen to yourself and take note of how much dialogue you have with yourself.

As I realize this, I am actually grateful that Reid's thoughts are as pure as they are. He sounds an awful lot like Paul in Romans ruminating over the battle between our old and new natures:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:15-20

February Podcast: Paula Dawson

2011-02-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

Paula is a woman who gives real meaning to the word, sweet. She is kind to the marrow.

Here's a glimpse of her last Friday winning a night out at a happening local nightclub. (who knew?) Spending time with Paula makes me feel like the lucky winner.

On Monday nights, she is found fully engaged in the waiting room at the Music Therapy Center of California. Our own permutation of a support group has resulted from our boys being in The Kingsmen band together. While they rehearse, we (four moms and grandma) talk. It's a sacred time. Paula listens and speaks with style, grace and humor. Never flustered, quick to laugh, always willing to help, Paula is a balm in Gilead.

I consider her an inspiration to the autism community. Last night she was gracious enough to let me ask her a couple questions while recording:

Click Autism Unplugged Paula Dawson.mp3 or the play button below.

I always wanted to do a photo montage of Conor in the famous Fantasia pose we mentioned. His bravado thrills me at every performance.

A Good Trade

2011-02-24T22:48:00.001-08:00

He shot off the school bus forcing back tears. Running straight to his room, shutting the door he began an intense conversation with himself. "Mom, stay out I need privacy," may have been shown more clearly than it was said. I kept a distance while he brought a half dozen reusable shopping bags from the garage and filled them with the VCR tapes that line his desk. The self-talk was emotional and heart wrenching:

"Please don't take them away."

"You don't need those anymore."

"You can do it Reid. Just give me a bag."

"Allie I'm so sorry I've wasted your time." sobbing

"Will you forgive me?"

I sat on the stairs interceding, texting my prayer partner, and absorbing the significance of this cathartic scene. It was painful to sit and watch yet, promising. Wondering what had gone down at school that day, I was sure this must be a step in the progressive breakthrough we've been asking for. Victory is coming over the addictions and obsessions Reid battles. I knew for sure I hadn't prompted the video removal this time. It was entirely spontaneous and self-initiated.

As his tears and intensity subsided, I noticed the approaching dinner hour. In the drama, it completely slipped my mind that Tobias, Area Director of our newly launched Young Life Capernaum ministry, was coming at 5:00pm to hang out for their long anticipated "contact" time. Oh boy:/ Finally, now?! How would this possibly play out?

I spared Tobias the blow by blow and began the old spiel I give every first time caregiver and respite worker. Reciting the steps to structured success and doling out $5 for the ritual trip to Roberto's, I paused. Wait! The Spirit prompting me now, Let this be a new leaf. Let me show you the new thing I am doing.

I backed off, "I'll be upstairs if you need me, do whatever you want." Leaving them in the family room with the tv still on, I returned to my prayer stair. Before I knew it my tears started to flow.

Not only did Reid turn off the tv (an unheard of action usually requiring at least 10 minutes of negotiation and transition), but he promptly took the chord charts from Tobias' binder and broke into the purest form of worship this side of the pearly gates.

They continued for an hour through praise song after praise song about God's love. He Knows my Name...How He Loves Us...Mighty to Save...

Like a natural born worship leader, Reid called out lyrics to an invisible audience. Side by side they brought down the presence of the Lord to inhabit the praises of His people.

Those songs of deliverance perfectly timed, were the antidote to Reid's traumatic day, the encouragement of things to come, a replacement for what he laid down, and salve on the wounds of loss represented in those four shopping bags of dvd's.

All I could think of was how that day, that appointment--unbeknownsdt to us--had been ordained long before in order to answer our call for help and give him something better in return for the idols he was casting down.

Relating easily now, he and Tobias made a plan to sing every other Thursday leading others in worship. For such a time as this, Capernaum is in San Diego....and not just for Reid.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:13-15

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me...to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61

Finisher

2011-02-16T04:51:00.000-08:00

Reid holds onto two photos of his baptism--really of the crowd who attended his baptism. They were in a frame on his desk that has long since folded, literally. Now they are loose leaf and so much easier to cherish. They float around the house and turn up wherever he leaves them.

When he holds them, he lovingly drawls out the names of the people he sees with legato musical phrasing, "Caaarla," Joshhhhhhhhh!" It's sweet.

Yesterday, it was more than just sweet. With new eyes to see what is happening in the unseen spiritual world, I grasped the symbolism and promise he holds in those photos.

They don't come out by accident when the cleaning lady organizes his dresser; they come out when he is searching for meaning in life or feeling weary, neglected, discouraged. They came out last Saturday.

There are 379 photos from that day, but the one that does it for him is of the throng of people applauding as he returned to the beach shivering with glee. They were present for a profound moment of belonging. Certainly now if not before, they belong to him and he to them. They love him and he loves them.

At breakfast, I was able to articulate, "Reid, I love remembering your baptism. God made a covenant with you that day. He began a new thing when you were baptized. You died and rose again out of the water with Christ , like Jesus did on the cross."

He was totally attentive with 8 hash browns left, so I went on, "And you know what, God is a finisher. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished." His Word says He will finish the good work He began in you." Those are promises and He is a God who always keeps His promises."

What's a momento that strengthens your spirit for the journey?

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. John 4:33-35

When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, With your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal—don't quit on me now. Psalm 138:6-8

...we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. Hebrews 12:1-3 Amplified

Photo credit and thanks to Doug Miller.

Lifelong

2011-02-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

That word "lifelong" looms as an ominous cloud over the classical definition of autism. Whether you read it on a book cover, hear it from a doctor, or google search it, it's superlative and so final.

Here's one:

Autism is a complex, life long developmental disability that interferes with the person's ability to understand what he sees, hears and touches.

and another:

Autism is a lifelong disability affecting nearly 1 in 250 children

born in the world today. With the diagnosis of autism reaching

epidemic proportions, it is important that accurate information is made

available to anyone who will be working with, living with, or loving a

person with autism.

Lately (and remember I'm 14 years post-diagnosis), it's hit me thus: Who among us doesn't have a lifelong condition? Whether you call it sin or humanity, we all have it. It's not going away this side of heaven.

We all grapple with some resonant theme for the course of a lifetime. Some get help, make significant progress, experience breakthrough, accomplish amazing milestones, others remain stuck. We may make great strides for a season, even appear "recovered" for periods of time, but then slip back, fall off the wagon and feel hopeless. Two steps forward, one step back. It's universal--with or without an autism diagnosis.

Whether we tend toward pride, rejection, greed, anger, selfishness, fear, we each have our hot buttons. There are interventions available to help us in the natural world. Spiritual gains are there too. The Lord may reveal a verse that helps us through a time; accountability partners give us a leg up for a season; we enjoy success, even deliverance for years of time. But we remain: human, sinful, incomplete.

Personalize it. What prayer do you pray each Sunday in church? Have you become a broken record asking God for grace in the same area? I have confessions and recommittals that are recurrent, if I'm honest. They are lifelong issues related to my unique temperament, circumstances and alas, even God's purpose in my life.

And so, we work out our salvation... Life...Long...until that day we are complete in Christ.

Until then, you might say we're all learning how to die...to self, to sin, to _____.

Jon Foreman sings it best:

The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. Psalm 19:6-8 The Message

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:20-22

Therefore, my dear friends...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling... Philippians 2:11-13

Autistic in the spirit

2011-02-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

An undeniable emptiness, I've felt before, came over me this morning. It's just Reid and me at home this weekend. Have you ever felt alone in someone's company? Hearing him hook up to the television--like an IV--I followed him downstairs feeling taken-for-granted, ignored, like furniture.

All he really cares about is that constant stream of visual stimulation. His assumption that I will always be here to provide basic wants and needs, is accurate even if hurtful.

I say "Good Morning" to no response. Until, "can you bring me hash browns?"

How many times do I wake up and the first thing I say to the Lord is, "Will you bless my day?" or some other thinly veiled demand for creature comfort. To some degree, we all go around idolizing our own pleasure, achievement, pastimes, or just our own navels. While God sits waiting for a heartfelt "good morning" connection.

God in Heaven continues to bless us but, you know all He really wants? Relationship! To have us come look in His eyes, play footsie, or otherwise give Him the time of day. That's all I want from Reid. Spent umpteen hours--his lifetime--and thousands of dollars trying to achieve it. To have him greet me

spontaneously, care what I think, want to sit with me or tell me about his day.

Maybe, just maybe, God's purpose in allowing autism is to illustrate the condition of our hearts toward Him in the spiritual realm. Can you think of a better way? Many of us are autistic in our spirits. No intervention the world offers can save us from ourselves. The reality of Reid helps me grasp the parallel and modify my own behavior toward God my Father in heaven.

If God loves me while I am yet a selfish sinner turning my back and gaze away from Him, then I can keep on loving Reid on the days he doesn't express any reciprocity. I see myself in him.

Brings to mind these lyrics,

How Is It Between Us? by Sara Groves

More Sara Groves music on iLike

Top 10 Tuesday

2011-02-08T22:49:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Motivators

I need help on this one...what can you give me?

This is a test...

2011-02-07T08:15:00.000-08:00

This is only a test...of your ability to read behavior as communication.

Do you think he's had enough of these Social Stories?

What is Reid saying through his actions of crumpling an entire folder of social stories?

No offense to Carol Gray intended. I love social stories and Storymovies. In fact, my dream is to write some myself to illustrate spiritual realities. Just yesterday, I requested a new batch from Reid's school. They obliged without procrastination. How long will these last?

Maybe it's just time to freshen up the subject matter.

Sing a New Song

2011-02-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:26-28

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:2-4

Almost every Sunday morning as we coast the 2 miles downhill to church (coffee or smoothie in hand), Reid breaks spontaneously into a praise song. (His memory for lyrics is astounding, not to mention the artist who's recorded it and what track it is on which of their albums.)

Eight times out of 10, the song Reid picks en route ends up being on the church bulletin that very Sunday! It's uncanny. This didn't dawn on me at first but, it has happened enough now that I am quite sure of the correlation. (All of us learn through repetition.)

Last week, he and I drove alone so instead of the usual foursome belting out the prophetic pre-worship selection, I was able to ask him, "Reid, how do you think of what song to sing in the car?"

After the usual pregnant pause I offered, "Does the Lord tell you which song?"

Immediately, "Yes the Lord gives it to me."

Is anything too hard for the Lord? Even if we struggle to communicate with ones profoundly language delayed, the God who made us all in His image, has a way.

As Hans Christian Andersen said, when words fail, music speaks. Music is the language of the soul, as another blogger points out.

Karen Kingsbury's fictional book, Unlocked, gave me much food for thought. She portrays Holden, a teenager with autism, with a close friends who unlocks his potential as well as the meaning behind some of his self stims. When he rocks, he is interceding for classmates.

I wonder if we gave our guys more credit for having spiritual gifts and disciplines, if they would grow into maturity?

Might we too, as they teach us in the process?

January Podcast: "Is it too much to ask?" with Sandi Anderson

2011-01-30T11:25:00.000-08:00

Da da da da da da da! Drum roll please....

I'd like to present a new monthly feature: a brief on-the-street interview with someone I consider an inspiration in the autism community.

Miss January is Sandi Anderson, resource person extraordinaire!

Sandi and I share the same maiden name, faith in the same God, the same history of homeschooling, the same stubborn insistence on our kids' potential, and the same invisible tattoo. She is creative beyond all get out, resourceful, humble, accessible, and helpful. She has mentored countless moms-turned-professional-through-autism in San Diego county. If they don't know her, they know of her (and wish they did).

I first knew "of her" and was thrilled when she invited me to plan the Concert of Prayer for Special Needs in San Diego County. Now, I am honored to call her a friend. She has an idea a minute and is the one I call when I'm stuck or circling. I always hang up with a genius next step that feels easy to take.

Sandi repeatedly finds a way where none exists, whether to get Regional Center and the Dept of Rehab to fund a self-determination grant for her 21 year old son to have his own business or take the other to swim with dolphins in Hawaii. She is also hilarious! She was in usual jesting form, as we met for lunch at Rubio's to tape this. After she heard my line of questioning, she first asked how much I was paying her ($.00). Then, shot out a title for the new blog feature, "Is it too much to ask?" We all need a friend who makes us laugh.

In this picture, she is "tooting her own horn" at the Autism Tree Project Foundation's USD Football Mentor game day. Enjoy meeting her yourself on this audio podcast:

Note to Facebook readers: Click "View Original Post" to access the mp3 player.)

Sister Stud

2011-01-20T07:28:00.000-08:00

The courteous Tuff Shed foreman arrived to correct two issues outstanding from our recently installed 10 x 12 room. Jim had left me to supervise--but of course I was the one who had missed them during the original install. It's one thing to be home all day; it's quite another to verify accuracy and craftsmanship.Glancing at his work order, the words "sister stud" caught my eye. "You're re-doing the floor right? ..and fixing the beam that's split?" What does that mean?

He explained, "oh yeah, that's what it's called. We sister the broken ceiling beam by laying a stronger one alongside it."

Epiphany! That's what God did for Reid in Allie. She happened to be home from school that day nursing cold symptoms. I ran upstairs, "Allie, you're not gonna believe this. You are a sister stud!" "Seriously, that's what it's called. Google it." She did and we read together from homerenovations.com:

When you've opened up a wall to make repairs, you may encounter a bad wall stud. Don't panic; this is par for the course in remodeling. Unless absolutely necessary, you don't want to rip out the entire stud. Doing so may cause problems with surrounding struct

ural elements. Instead, sister it.

Sistering is the process of repairing a deteriorated stud by nailing a "like" piece of material next to it.

By the time I got back out to watch how they do it, it was done. I could no longer see the blemish in the beam. Were it not for the paint, I would not have known which beam had been split. And neither will you in these pictures.

I confess in my own spiritual rebellion when they were 2 (pre-diagnosis), I complained to a mom's group how Reid would've been much better off as an only child. He was so much happier alone, bothered by noise, and inflexible. Sound familiar?

Forgive me, Lord for thinking I could ever know better than you. Praise Him that He does and also tolerates all my grumbling knowing full well what I see now. Allie has been critical to Reid's development in every way. We are just beginning to see how she holds the key to his healing and restoration too.

I wouldn't trade Tuff Shed's mistake for anything now. What a visual reminder it is of God's wisdom in making Reid a twin. His sister stud comes alongside strengthens, supports, makes good as new. God intended them to be a pair. He is working out a unique purpose in both of them through each other.

Where would he be without her? Where would she be without him?

Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your nearest kin Proverbs 7:4

Not many of you have met me face-to-face, but that doesn't make any difference. Know that I'm on your side, right alongside you. You're not in this alone. Colossians 2:1-3

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: Ecclesiastes 4:8-10

Stronghold

2011-01-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Do you have theme words in your life? Like a recurrent dream, the word "stronghold" shows up often for me.

First time, I really didn't know what it meant. However, when someone uses that kinda word in prayer over your infant children, you look it up.

Definition of STRONGHOLD
1
: a fortified place
2
a : a place of security or survival b : a place dominated by a particular group or marked by a particular characteristic

Initially, it seemed like some construct the enemy built to bog you down. A stronghold that enemy troops might have over an area.

Over the years through various Bible studies, I have learned that the Lord has strongholds of His own. Way more than the enemy.

Lately, I am learning that the Lord is a stronghold to whom we'd be wise to run to at lightning pace when we want protection. It is a safe refuge where we can be still and watch Him fight for us.

Currently, I am reading The Stronghold of God by Francis Frangipane and we completed this puzzle over Christmas. Oh how I love a good Unit Study with kinesthetic teaching!

Just today as I was walking with my Chris Rice, Peace Like a River cd, this stanza of grabbed me by the ears perhaps since I have tried so long in vain to save my son in my own strength:

Did we in our own strength confide,

our striving would be losing,

were not the right man on our side,

the man of God's own choosing.

Dost ask who that may be?

Christ Jesus, it is he;

Lord Sabaoth, his name,

from age to age the same,

and he must win the battle.

Sure enough, as I checked the title...it's "A Mighty Fortress is Our God!" Synonym for stronghold.... "fortress." I love that God loves words.

Although we pridefully refer to autism as a new diagnosis and ourselves as pioneering crusaders in the fight against it, autism is not puzzling to God. Jesus is our Savior and Deliverer from every foe and has been since Martin Luther wrote this in the 1528. He describes the same outcome we seek today when we feel socked in by defeat, fatigue, insurmountable opposition, and unlikely odds. I am enjoying the truth this song proclaims and the instructions of all four stanzas of the lyrics. They deserve a modern rewrite by Eugene Petersen.

The Lord has been Mighty in battle since long before Luther, in the days of Moses, Aaron, and Joshua. Our God is the same, the Holy Spirit the same, our victory comes in Jesus. Only the name of the enemy seems to have changed. Why reinvent the wheel?

I'll include this video too since Chris Rice's is not on YouTube. Here is Christy Nockels of Watermark singing, "You are My Stronghold."

I told you it was a theme. Do you have one?

The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-3

God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake...Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, God-of-Angel-Armies protects us. Psalm 46:1-3 The Message

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Top 10 Tuesday

2011-01-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Reasons to use Dignifying Language about those with Autism

(or any disability)

10. We are more alike than different

9. We are all disabled somehow

8. You likely love someone on the spectrum since it affects 1 in 95 children

7. You wouldn't want to offend someone in the room

6. We are all made in God's image

5. The Golden Rule is to love your neighbor as yourself; it's how you'd want to be treated

4. Words change our perception of others

3. People meet the expectations we set for them; your words impact another's identity

2. A person is a person; a soul is a soul

1. You have influence over others

Of course this begs the question: What is dignifying language? Kathie Snow at Disability is Natural has ammassed a wealth of articles here that define people-first language quite well.

John Tomkins work in developing Green Language is also excellent. Exploring his site for a couple minutes makes you mindful of your tongue in new ways. There are many ways to interact with his site, games for kids, and explanations of how our brains react to language and how words lead to behavior. We can all improve on this. And it's a matter of life or death according to the Bible.

Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation." Matthew 12:33-35 The Message

Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit--you choose.
Proverbs 18:20-22 The Message

Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.
Proverbs 15:3-5 The Message

New Reaction to an Old Circumstance

2011-01-16T20:44:00.001-08:00

Reid knows his way around a library (and a Friends of the Library book sale room). In his zeal to scan their selection of outmoded, bargain VHS tapes yesterday, he bumped into one of the volunteer workers. And directed her to "Move."

Immediately on his heels, I prompted him with a more polite alternative,"Excuse me please. I can't see the videos on that shelf." Lest she think I was unfamiliar with current social mores, right?

Shifting her puzzled gaze from me to him and back to me she retorted, "Thank you mom." I simply smiled in love, resisting the urge to correct her with "I'm not your mother."

Reid, my quick study, was off to the workroom asking the rest of the staff for the particular episode of Between the Lions he came in search of. Only then after additional observation the woman declared, "Oh, I see he has problems."

There was a day when that would have made my blood absolutely boil in anger, embarrassment, and protest, but not today. I truthfully and outloud replied, "No, just opportunities."

Opportunities for all of us. Reid has opened more doors for us than I can count.

A huge door of opportunity for good work has opened up here. (There is also mushrooming opposition.) 1 Corinthians 16:4-6 The Message

God went for the jugular when he sent his own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In his Son Jesus, he personally took on the human condition to set it right once and for all...simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us. Romans 8:2-4 The Message

Taking Notes

2011-01-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:3-5

In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise— Psalm 56:9-11

I have written before about how and why Reid sits in the sanctuary with us Sunday mornings. Nothing thrills my soul more than watching him diligently pen the key words from the sermon into his bulletin outline each week.

In a single glance down the pew, a series of images flash before my mind's eye:

...vestiges of his chubby little toddler hand...countless squatty golf pencils we collected to force a pincer grasp...hours of seemingly futile occupational therapy to correct the prehensile grasp...the vanquished hope that he would ever write his name...the introduction of an AlphaSmart keyboard goal to teach him typing instead...the accepting other approach of his private teacher Becky who simply suggested "it might be easier to hold it this way..."

...not to mention the treasure chest of rewards amassed (actually Panera cinnamon rolls) to "pay-off" staying in the pew for 2, 5, 15, then 20 minutes.......all those milestones and more that perhaps only another mother could appreciate (not to name names, but here's one).

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:18-20

Victory comes in slow small strokes that, before you know it, spell a sentence.

Black is Back

2011-01-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

If you don't already love Jack Black, here's another reason. He is one of a dozen celebrities participating in the Fly Into Autism benefit CD recording for Elaine Hall's Miracle Project in LA.

He cracks me up! I don't know who is cuter saying, "Dudes," him or Beth Moore. Victory comes in small steps, cramped sound rooms....and oh so often through music.

Sing, Sing a Song, make it anything

2010-12-18T07:18:00.000-08:00

Scene from Elf:

Scene at our House:

Mom (from bottom of stairs in a sing song voice): "Good morning, good morning, good morning; it's time to wake up; it's the last day of school before break; it's your day to swim at the Plunge; it's time for breakfast so you don't miss the bus..."

Reid (from upstairs on his feet, entering bathroom): "Stop singing Mom."

The good news: Music motivates. He got up.

The bad news: I do not have a hit single on my hands.

Documenting Miracles

2010-12-17T13:16:00.000-08:00

God is always answering prayer. If we are alert, acknowledge it and mark it down, we remember. If not, the results can be as fleeting as a spring zephyr. More than anything, I hope this blog chronicles what God is doing in Reid's life, ours, and others' around him as we journey through autism to the promised land.

Truly in the last few weeks, there is more happening than I have time to articulate. Our cups are overflowing with every imaginable flavor and scent of His presence. I long to turn the winsome face to face praise reports I give my Bible study girls from vapor into lasting ebenezers of His power and faithfulness. December is a swirl of goodness.

The school psychologist at Reid's school helped me out this time. He sent this email last week titled, "Prepare to Hit PRINT." It made our year! (names changed for privacy)

Greetings. I was on campus today doing some research with 4 different students. One of those was Reid and he is doing an outstanding job maintaining his attention and responding to different stimuli.

The more notable thing today was something that occurred during lunch. Another student, Billy, one Pioneer's more noisy students, was not in the best of spirits today. While eating his lunch in the cafeteria Billy would randomly shout and scream out loud, crying, covering his ears with his hands. It was pretty rough for everyone else in the room; Billy had been occasionally going off like this for over 2 hours.

Well, the various students in the room slowly started to filter out. Some had finished their lunches, others were moving away from Billy. After about 5 minutes into this one particular scream session over half a dozen students had left. Billy was the only one left at his table.

At that point, Reid slowly got up from where he was sitting. I was watching him; Reid tends not to to break down any further when other Pioneer students are having a rough time. In this case Reid sat down right next to Billy. Billy was yelling, then quiet, then yelling, putting his hands on his head, waving them in the air. Reid sat on Billy's left, and ate his lunch. He didn't move. Occasionally he would look at Billy, then at the table.

Well, Billy slowly started to calm down. First the hands stopped waving, then the voice got more quiet. Billy started to eat his food. He even reached in his lunch pack and pulled some other things out. After about 120 seconds he and Reid were sitting there together in silence.

Then, Reid left. He stood up, first pulled his right, then left foot over the bench of the "table," gathered his empty plate and cup, and headed to the door. All the other students were outside at this point, playing. No doubt Reid was heading to the couch in the courtyard where he likes to soak up the sun. I approached him as he got to the door.

"Reid," I asked. "Why did you do that?"

He looked at me for a moment, then at the floor. "Billy needed it," he said. Then he walked out.

I went over and sat next to Billy myself.

Cheers, Jake

Flooding my mind after I absorbed this, were verses I'd prayed in years prior all coming to fruition in seemingly a single stroke. The fullness of time. This boy, my boy, over whom I've prayed believing prayers that:

...he would grow in wisdom, favor and stature with God and man...

...that the Spirit of the Lord would be upon Him, a spirit of Wisdom and understanding, counsel and power, knowledge and the fear of the Lord...

...that he would be filled with the Holy Spirit...love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, and self-control (ohhh self-control)...

...that his little light would shine....

...that God would bless him indeed as he had Jabez, enlarge his territory and keep him from evil...

Lo and behold, He did, He had, and He was.

This joyful boy whose hands and head we've anointed with oil and Psalm 23 this month, is not only maintaining his own self-control but also coming alongside others to offer the ministry of presence.

How tender the heart of God to provide me with a detailed, objective glimpse through the keyhole to see the evidence of prayers He is answering.

The celebration widened as Jim shared with our church small group who had trudged the pits of April with us. Equally agog, they chimed in:

Tears….sitting on an airplane back from DC with a stranger next to me wondering what the heck is going on…it’s a family of Christ thing

Killer story…..i can say that reid has a similar effect on me when I hear him chanting in the background at our study. His presence and comments are one of the things that make the Moriarty house a home

Oh my. Joy. "...i think i'm feeling that feeling again..."

Goosebumps. And from Allie, "this is the kind of thing you hear about happening to other people, but not to us."

For this, I can honestly say, it's been worth the wait.

Top 10 Tuesday

2010-12-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

Top 1o Things I Appreciate about Reid's New School

10. their intentional "Empathy, Invitation, Plan" approach

9. a preponderance of male staff (which is a subtle but critical component to Reid's adolescence and my husband's engagement)

8. allowance for some naturally occurring elbowing and shoulder tapping (who wants to raise a robot)

7. the "practice makes permanent" (not perfect) ideal

6. true partnership with parents

5. daily interaction with the local community (this is valuable even when it, especially when it breaks down)

4. a careful, positive use of the power of words to affect behavior

3. the cohesive team approach of the staff and students

2. a palpable acceptance kids can feel (which fundamentally enables them to trust teachers enough to be vulnerable and learn)

1. the occasional photo text they send that's worth a thousand words (see left)

Last June when it became obvious we had to find a new placement for Reid, we revisited a place I had loved 3 years prior. Pioneer Day School has only improved since then and retained it's intentionally small size.

The teddy bear of a director sat catty corner from me at a conference table explaining the founding principles of his school. Resisting the urge to hug this man, I leaned back--likely scooched my chair away--so as not to block my husband from catching the full drift of truth he was speaking. I wanted them to relate man-to-man. As Mr. Banks said in Mary Poppins, "Enough of this slipshod, sugary, female way of thinking."

Hearing about empathy, social thinking, music instruction, and kinesthetic learning from a beefy man who's educated dozens of challenging boys is very different than hearing your wife say, "let's wait til he's calm to finish the homework." Jim Leiner described how he trains his teachers to first give empathy (ie. "I know this must be hard for you Billy, math was always difficult for me too"); then offer an invitation ("If you'd like I can show you something I learned that helps); and make a plan ("How 'bout if we do 5 problems today and save the rest for tomorrow?")

In one sitting, what my husband used to perceive as "coddling" became logical, within reason, even wise. We listened (well actually, I nodded like a bobble-headed dashboard ornament) then toured the school. This move would represent a return to our original follow-your-gut instinct on what was best for Reid. By moving him, we would abandon the "research-based," straight behavior mod program for something far more holistic. It was a battle between the head and the heart for both of us.

As we got out to the curb in front of the building, I refrained from jumping for joy. I don't like to stack the deck or be subjective. (ha!) My new intention these days is to submit to my husband's wisdom.

Our other set of eyes was a dear friend Kate, who has credentials up the wazoo from evaluating classrooms around the world for a living. Even at first glance observing the classrooms of Pioneer, Kate noticed countless examples of student work and real curriculum which indicated a place of learning. This was a vivid contrast to the starkness of the previous place where the curriculum really was behavior.

Was it just me? Or was this gonna be unanimous? After giving her professional opinion, Kate asked the obvious, what did I think? As I stifled my enthusiasm still wanting Jim to arrive at his own clarity, she ribbed me with the now infamous line, "He had you at empathy!" She knows me too well.

Confirmation came after the 30-day placement meeting where the aide, director and teacher reported how Reid had taken to this place like a fish to water. The most pleasant surprise was that he had done a page of division problems after being shown and invited to practice. (Another distinction since the previous placement had removed him from the diploma track and all but tabled academics in favor of teaching compliance.)

As we left that meeting my husband elbowed me in the ribs, "ok now I wanna hug the guy!" (I resisted the irony of yapping back, "hands at your side; personal space.")

Colloquial Vocab

2010-11-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't have vocabulary development on their IEP? Like greetings, increasing vocabulary has been one of Reid's goals for more than a decade. Lately though, his gains in other areas make this one simmer to the top like grease on the top of the turkey soup--ready to be skimmed off.

With new vigor I am explaining idioms and narrating each drive in the car as if I were a thesaurus on audible.com. I have a Word-a-Day tear off calendar in mind for under the tree. (Shhhh...) Grateful for good training from so many speech and language pathologists, we are "emphasizing new words in conversation and generalizing them to various settings. This becomes habitual after years of practice, but we can all use a refresher right?

Several times lately, Reid has asked me, "what does ____ mean?" This is quite an exciting developmental milestone at any age. Last week, Jim was out of town for a night, which was occasion enough for Allie and I to watch Sleepless in Seattle. Catching wind of this plan in one of those running monologue car rides, Reid inquired, "what's a chick flick?" I gave what I thought was an adequate explanation. That is now debatable.

At our house, Reid customarily "does the controls," meaning he holds the remote, cues up the DVD's, introduces the film, and adjusts the volume. Electronics are totally his department. Even if he walks out in the middle of a film, when those credits roll boy, he never fails to bolt back down. With a flourish he insists he must "do the honors," eject the disk, and close up shop. So it was tonight, after a peaceful Thanksgiving day, that he rejoined us for the summation of the movie Elf. As he turned the power off he delivered the punch line under his breath, "That was a good chick flick."

Jim and I chuckled in cahoots later...a chick flick...compared to what? Bourne Supremacy or Barney? We'll keep working on that goal....progress noted.

Lending and Borrowing

2010-11-24T20:50:00.000-08:00

"Good Morning Andrea. This is Kay down at the Solana Beach Library."

They open early the day before Thanksgiving I thought, expecting it to be my mom gobble gobbling on the other line.

"Oh hi Kay, how are you?" I'm on a first name basis with many of our local librarians, as previously mentioned.

"I'm fine, but I should be asking, 'how are you?' Well, listen, we're having kind of a slow day down here...going through some lost and found...and we have a darling photo album with pictures of your family from Christmas 2009...I have no idea how it got here but you know...sometimes things have a way of getting shoved back behind on the shelves....." (gobble gobble)

"I know exactly how it got there...and yes, I'll be right down to get it. Thank you!" Those glossy coffee table albums cost me some time and coin to make.

Grateful for Reid's share and share alike attitude. Grateful they didn't catalogue it for general circulation among my neighbors. Grateful they know us and took the time to call. Grateful to have it back.

P.S. Which Dewey decimal classification do you suppose it would fall under? Social Science...Biography...Arts & Recreation...History

Top 10 Tuesday

2010-09-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Top 1o People in my Neighborhood

10. the mustachioed traffic director at Reid's school

9. Laura who works Sunday mornings at Panera

8. Kaye at the library who has authority to waive fines

7. Alex at Henry's Marketplace whose "got my back"

6. Debbie with the "oy i'm late" license plates who waves vigorously

5. you-know-the-stockboy at Trader Joe's

4. a greenskeeper for our association

3. Larry, the greeter on our church patio

2. another mustachioed carpool line attendant at Allie's school

1. Jona at the Solana Beach Rubio's

I have friends--some really good friends--but I don't necessarily see them on a daily basis. This list of more anonymous types are people who, in truth, I barely know. Yet they brighten my day immensely with their undeniable joie de vivre. As you can see, I don't even know some of their names. They are familiar faces though, "people in my neighborhood" who like Mary Tyler Moore, "can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile." Each of them hasmade my day more times than I can count with a simple wave, a significant smile, or a gutsy greeting.

It doesn't take much. I am sure the greenskeeper waves to many residents as they pass by but boy oh boy when he puts that spade down to wave to me through the car window, well...I feel like his favorite!

Although we've only exchanged a dozen words ever, "Oy I'm Late" (the plate on her maroon van) flags me down in the "2 BY 2" (my Eurovan plate) as if I were driving on the rims or my engine was aflame. By the time I realize she's just waving hello, I feel like the president in a motorcade. Whether I bump into her in the produce aisle or a swim lane, she never fails to ask about Reid by name. She doesn't know our last name, wouldn't imagine that I blog, but she cares and she seems to get the gestalt of us. We are a piece in her puzzle, and she sees the big picture.

Likewise, the clerk at our nearest Panera has our Sunday morning goodies practically bagged and ready before we get to the counter. She is a bright spot of familiarity and belonging in our week, always asking, "how was church?"

Reid is a definite vehicle for this kind of VIP treatment since we call his name outloud in public places more than the norm. It seems we are repeatedly prompting him back to wait in line, away from the sneezeguard, or over to place his order. Before you know it, we've attained infamy at many local haunts. His ritualistic ordering of the same thing every week also aids her memory. Just the same, she has a gift of hospitality and uses it liberally to love on us, if only for the short exchange.

I could go on about each one (and may in future posts). For now, let's just ask each other, whose day can we make?

The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."Galatians 5:13-15

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man?" Luke 10:35-37

Heroes and Miracles

2010-09-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the stands spectating at a Miracle League baseball game Saturday morning , Allie and I took a deep breath. Having just handed Reid off to his 1:1 buddy, we knew we'd have 2 innings of relatively uninterrupted talk time. (Quality time comes in various zones.)

At a whisper she confided, "guess what that lady just said to me?"

"Is that your brother out there? Then you are a real hero."

To which she politely replied and wisely corrected, "the real heroes are the ones who sign up and show up every week to make this possible. They choose to be here. We have to do it!"

True. The miracle of this local phenomenon is the dedication, enthusiasm, and sheer volume of volunteers who create a slice of heaven on earth.

Every Saturday 12 teams of special needs kids aged 5-18 of all abilities come bedecked in uniforms ready to play ball with whatever modifications they need. An amazing announcer, Alan Moore, treats each one as an MVP coming up to bat replete with nicknames and stats from the previous season. Whether they bat from a wheelchair, standing or hand over hand, every one has a buddy and everyone gets a hit.

Reid's first time at bat, he connected with a solid hit which Mr. Moore proclaimed "a home run!" With requisite prompting, Reid ran all four bases and enjoyed the applause from the stands. Well, can I tell you, every single time since, he rounds that diamond at full tilt in a beeline back to his seat in the dugout. Whether he's fouled, bunted or slugged it, the precedent has been set. Hit = homerun in his locked tight mind. One time he passed a couple other runners in the process. No worries, no tantrums; every game ends in a tie.

Coaches range from off-duty therapists to high school age siblings. The one on one buddies come out of the woodwork of the community at large to don a flourescent t-shirt and help. Every week I see another familiar face and ask how they learned about it. Parents cheer from the stands or visit like comrades in arms; brothers and sisters are proud; players grin ear to ear.

For that one hour a week, I feel like everything is really going to turn out fine. It is miraculous!

You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. Psalm 77:13-15

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:39-41

Epic

2010-08-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

"i'm ready for our epic adventure:D" read the text from Allie.

We all had the same sense that a week in Montana's Glacier National Park with no wifi, cell coverage, or television would be just that: epic.

How would you define epic? Something that's the first of its kind? The last of a kind? Anything of unsurpassed, one-of-a-kind quality--be it exceptional, boring or just lengthy?

At take off I anticipated the timing of this trip would make it epic. We had derailed our de facto Nantucket plans in favor of family bonding in the wilderness on the heels of major transformation in each of us: Reid is off all medications and rocking mastery at a new school; Allie freshly home from two weeks of studying flute in Italy; Jim has a new tenderness and mercy that can only be explained by the Holy Spirit; and I am celebrating newfound liberty that comes from surrender.

Maybe it's the realization of what's coming down the pike that constitutes an epic. Only two more summers before Allie is outta here to college. How many more times will she and Reid be buckled side by side in the back of a car amusing themselves with inside jokes and snuggling their heads in a silent twin language?

Could it be the grandiose scale of the destination? Or the dismaying myth that we were headed to a place set apart by its remoteness. "Who goes to Montana?" was a phrase I heard more than once as I scrambled to find vacancies at one of the lodges within the park.

Allie could have coined the "epic adventure" tagline recalling previous trips. We once tracked Laura Ingalls Wilder history through the middle of South Dakota. Wherever we go, we seem to end up in some larger-than-life, atypical dynamic. (Picture paddling in large, lost circles of freezing rain with purple lips at nightfall in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota bailing, literally, on the camping with mosquitos concept.)

Dictionary.com defines "epic" thus:

1. pertaining to a long poetic composition in which a series of great achievements is narrated in elevated style

Waking up in a converted caboose cabin in the silent woods was poetic (and elevated, come to think of it). I actually heard God speak to me through the trees over coffee.

2. heroic, majestic, impressively great

Our lives committed to God become narratives of great achievements in which He is the majestic hero who saves us, lifts us to higher ground, dramatically delivers us, and shows Himself to be extremely impressive. Miles McPherson at The Rock Church has an online sermon series right now about historic Biblical narratives: stories about real people in real time involved in real drama.

This family trip was the capstone of a real victory God won in the very real battle autism wages in our daily lives. I am really glad He reigns!

3. of unusually great size or extent

Montana is epic. Effortlessly, it symbolizes God's majesty. Returning the rental car, Jim calculated we had clocked more than 19 hours on the road to see merely the northwest corner of "the last best place." The glaciers, the color of the lakes, the hugeness of the sky, the massive mountains visually dwarf the largest, widest, most obnoxious convoy of RV's you can even imagine. We are as nothing to Him and yet cherished as everything.

"Your right hand, O LORD, was majestic in power. Your right hand, O LORD, shattered the enemy. Exodus 15:5-7

"Who among the gods is like you, O LORD ? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders? Exodus 15:10-12

Do your best, prepare for the worst— then trust God to bring victory. Proverbs 21:30-31

Top 10 Tuesday

2010-07-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Antiquated Words to Baffle Your Children

10. pedal pushers

Preferring not to get her cuffs wet or greasy, mom's pedal pushers were perfect for beach combing as well as bike riding.

9. peckish

Pass me a cracker, I am feeling quite peckish having skipped lunch today.

8. shades

Those new shades are just the right shape for your face.

7. frock

I love that new frock on you!

6. get up

That get up is not as flattering as the frock you wore yesterday.

5. succotash

I think I'll whip up some succotash with this summer squash from the farmer's market.

4. co-ed

Here comes a nicely dressed co-ed who might point us to some hot spots on campus.

3. grocery

When the fridge is bare, we must head to the grocery.

2. rap

Wanna rap with me until dinner's ready?

1. cruise the strip

After church shall we cruise the strip or check the surf?

I find a weird sort of pleasure sprinkling these dated expressions into my daily jargon, especially around Allie and her friends, who react with mortified expressions of utter dismay. They look cross-eyed, first at each other then back at me. What is she saying? Where is she from? Is she always like this?

Their reactions amuse and encourage my inner prankster. It's the same sort of glee I get from Anne Taintor's stationery. And since it's summer and we homeschool no more, it's as close as we get to educational lately. History and language all rolled into one. If my sample sentences don't offer enough contextual meaning, feel free to cross reference on Wordnik or A Way with Words.

Am I the only mom who is simultaneously hip and out of it? I think not. Will the rest of you chime in with an antiquated word in comment box. I am running out of material.

What's in a Nametag?

2010-07-11T08:10:00.000-07:00

We have spent years and hundreds of dollars working on some permutation of an appropriate greeting goal for Reid. The wording has changed over time as we process from preschool to high school but even to the untrained eye, it sounds pretty similar. Call it what you will: Good morning Miss Sue...hello I'm Reid...yo...high five...knuckles...handshake. Teams of teachers, speech therapists, tutors, and helpful adults plug away for the prize: a spontaneous greeting from Reid.

Little do they know the eruption of pleasure Reid spontaneously bestows on those he knows and loves (e.g. those he knows love him). Just ask Carla who was nearly accosted at the door everyday she'd arrive to visit. Or my mom when we deboard the plane in Nantucket. Reid can greet!! In fact, no one makes you feel as important as Reid does with a greeting.

At this point it's clear to me that Reid knows what an appropriate greeting is, how it wins social favor and influences people. He is also in full control of when he wants to use one.

Case in point: Reid and I frequent three Rubio's stores in the area. Whether after school, Saturday after a hike, or a night I don't feel like cooking, he is always game for some fresh Mex at this San Diego establishment.

Recently after ordering, we waited for our food to be ready.

"Order for Kim" came blasting over the microphone.

Reid was hovering at the pick up counter waiting for his familiar take out bag. A girl walked up giving nonverbal "excuse me cues," when I heard his cracking adolescent voice, "Oh hi Kim!"

She startled pleasantly and returned, "hi."

Great pick up line? Perhaps.

The same day at Vons, our local grocery store, he was negotiating to buy a video or Tracphon at the customer service counter. At the time, my best strategy seemed to be to get him to agree to leave it on hold with the clerk until we could "go home and talk to dad about phone plans." (He has yet to grasp how the monthly billing concept differs from the purchase price.)

"Ok," he acquiesced. Then boldly, "Celeste, how much is this?" he propositioned the clerk wearing the name badge. He is so endearing and genuine, I think if he'd have asked for her phone number, she would've written it down for him.

At Henry's, our other local market, he never fails to call the checker by name when asking for a balloon. Why don't teachers and speech therapists simply wear nametags if they insist on profuse greetings?

In my book, the greeting goal can go. It's been mastered.

As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him. Mark 9:14-16

Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. Genesis 32:28-30

Scumscream

2010-07-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

We are not big on sunscreen in this family. Although we are avid beach goers, and live in sunny San Diego, we forego conventional prevention strategies in favor of deferred maintenance. Scumscream, as we prefer to call it, is just too sticky, too greasy, too pore-blocking, too messy, and too get-in-your-eyes. We can't be bothered.

Hats, the same. Sunglasses too. Beach umbrellas? No. Only on occasion (like a baptism party or everyday-beach-week) do we lug out our pop-up shade tent. Fact is, we prefer to travel light for our brief stays at the beach. Chairs? Leave 'em at Longs. Towels, maybe one to share. A book, get real! We wear our suits, drive down, take a dip, dry off and swing back up the hill.

We spend most of our time actually waiting for a parallel parking spot to open up along our favorite strip of isolated beach. These coveted spots grant access to a crowd-free section of beach between two more popular public parking lots (ok, maybe I am anti-social). They also accommodate Reid's propensity to "wait in the car" until he's ready for the sandy transition across rocks to water or if he needs to escape the wind. It's a coastal variation on car camping one could dub, car beachgoing.

This presents a problem on vacations in Nantucket where Natty and Papa Jim move at a different pace. They take chairs which strap onto your backs, coolers of food, books, last month's periodicals, today's paper, ipods, cutlery and linens.

Literally, by the time they got their cups situated in the cup holders of the folding director's chairs, Reid was charging out of the surf announcing, "I'm done now, let's go home!"

Our compromising solution to gradually change his habit, build flexibility, and meet divergent expectations, was to designate a specific time that we'd leave. Jim let him hold his waterproof watch which he studied like a pixelated Disney trailer. Each day we inched the time up from 10 to 30 minutes of imposed reclining in the sun ("chill-axing" in the family vernacular), after his ritual dip in the waves.

Making it concrete like this worked...in part. That's not to say he played frisbee, relaxed, or read the paper. Picture him instead buried under a towel so the digital LED numbers were visible in the bright daylight. He burrowed there clock-watching like I used to do in gym class until dismissal time.

On the minute, he shot up erect with the announcement, "It's 4:30, let's go! Pack up everyone." Handing them paraphernalia and scooping up his towel, he beat feet back to the car. Always first and undeniably decisive, the kid has "therious leaderthkip thkills, as Kip would lisp. (Napoleon Dynamite being the flavor of the month last summer.)

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:24-26

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. Isaiah 11:5-7

Do Tell....got stims?

2010-07-09T07:00:00.000-07:00

Our beloved home program case manager, Danielle, taught me many things. She listened to the ponderings of my heart for many hours, "played guys" (Playmobil and Winnie the Pooh) with Reid several mornings a week, and trained more tutors than I can recount. Our front door was a turnstile of professionals and paraprofessionals who all delivered: early intervention.

Very early in my education, Danielle shared from her researchers' point of view that if all of us could be plotted somewhere along the autism spectrum (which ranges from normal to severely autistic), then we must all have at least one defining tendency or trait or ritual or stim. If we were honest. Once she confided hers, I was quickly able to identify mine. Over time this enables my empathy with others.

Danielle had a thing for counting the joints on door hinges in her mind as a diversion during meetings or in homes or whenever. I have the anxious, oddly pleasurable habit of running my fingers through my hair and pulling out individual strands like farm girls in Ohio used to do with blades of grass before whistling through them in their thumbs.

I will also confess to a word game of my own creation that I've played with myself since school days. Seeing signage or titles, I get sucked into sorting the words into symmetrical patterns of vowels and consonants. The invisible, consuming game continues until the entire word or phrase comes out even like a division equation. It's akin to diagramming a sentence only by individual letter rather than parts of speech. Hyperlexic much? Danielle's response when I described it was, "Yeah, that's one!"

Reid watches Disney, Pixar, and Dreamworks logo trailers backwards and forwards as if memorizing them in his head. He stops and starts the DVD action in order to get a still shot in his brain of each frame. Then in bed or in the car, he rocks his head back and forth which seems to aids in the playback of those memorized scenes. If anyone knows of a paying job for which this skill is useful, please do tell. Here's an all time favorite. Oh the thrill of watching that white glowy trail encircle the castle!

After reading A Slant of Sun by Beth Kephart in those same early years, my mom went out and bought a dozen copies for the extended family. Then she commented, "as I read about her son's fixations, I have to admit I do that too. It made me realize how much I am like Reid." Bear in mind we are a family by adoption so this is more than evidence of the genetic predisposition.

If you care to take this a bit more seriously, here is an online Autism Quotient test which indicates traits that constitute the autism diagnosis and also gives some idea of where you might fall along the spectrum.

Elvis Sightings gives an excellent explanation of the repetitive movements associated with autism. It may be "unproductive, obsessive, obstructive, annoying, consuming" but I know and you know that it is also"pleasurable, centering, meditative, regulating, communing."

Go ahead, do tell us in a comment one of yours...

On Earth as it is...

2010-07-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Need a summer movie rental (for mature audience)? As It Is In Heaven, a Swedish film nominated for Best Foreign Film Hollywood Awards available from Netflix, is incredibly thought provoking. It is a compelling story about how to really love your neighbors. It is also a testament to the power of music to transform a entire community. And how can you speak about love without inclusion!

Tore is a young man experiencing developmental disability in the film. Some in the community call him a "cuckoo" others accept, comfort, shepherd, even learn from him. The filmmakers realistically depict the interdependence model Kathie Snow extrapolates here in her Disability Is Natural newsletter. As God would have it here on earth, Tore is not the only one with special needs who needs a little help now and then.

Despite his innocence, he is wise to tension often sensing what others miss or ignore. This closing scene is meant to intrigue not to spoil. (If you want the preview instead click here.) As the town choir takes the stage at a choral competition without their conductor, Tore takes an unplanned leadership role. The result weaves together several threads of the movie.

Life is not about being able. It is not about achievement. It is not about winning. Redemption is messy and beautiful. It requires vulnerability and courage. In some measure, both require finding your own voice and joining a chorus of others.

God has a will and a purpose in each of our lives. The conductor in the movie states his calling early in life: to open people's hearts with music. A tutor of Reid's asked me recently, "What is yours?" I hemmed and hawed awkwardly, having just met her after all. "Go ahead," she urged, "there's no one listening, just you and me, what is it?"

She was unrelenting as I stuttered in embarrassment and false pride. I choked out what was pounding in my chest but had never been articulated: to convince people that there is always hope. I was grateful for her insistence last night as Reid and I lounged in the hot tub. Out of the blue he blurted, "Mom, what's your destiny?" I had an answer!

When I turned the question on him he shot back, "to sing."

What's yours?

This, then, is how you should pray:

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come, your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you,

your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive men their sins,

your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6

Top 10 Tuesday

2010-07-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Signs it is Time to Change Schools

10. you have to ask them to reinstate a homework binder

9. music and sensory integration are withheld for poor behavior

8. parents are not welcome to observe class

7. school officials do not reply to emails

6. you have a pit in your stomach sending them each morning

5. child's not invited to be in the talent show

4. IEP meetings extend beyond 5 hours

3. you need two hands to count the incident reports

2. student comes home with bruises that match the weave in his sweater

1. child asks, Is God keeping me safe in the belly of the whale, like Jonah?"

'Nuf said. I have much to report and am grappling with how to best do it. Suffice it to say, for now, that we were painfully aware of autism during April's Autism Awareness month. DId you notice my breadcrumbs peter out? July may just as well be New Life Month then, for all the growth God has brought out of the fire we experienced. I am glad to be back in the saddle, writing and looking for His hand at all times.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:1-2

Autism Unplugged

Better than Me

As it is in heaven....

All God's Children

Unplugged...literally

Family Portrait Bloopers

Seeing Potential

Top 10 Tuesday

Always laughing?

Knowing Your Own Strength

A New Car!

Top 10 Tuesday

A Deafening Silence

Giving up the Need to Know

Easter People are Re-people

Dancing with Mal

March Podcast: Marcie Strandburg

Breakdown--Not!

Puzzle No More

Headed for Completion

Grateful for Surround Sound

Serendipitous Victory

My Poor Lucky Dog

In Which Self-Talk Reveals

February Podcast: Paula Dawson

A Good Trade

Finisher

Lifelong

Autistic in the spirit

Top 10 Tuesday

This is a test...

Sing a New Song

January Podcast: "Is it too much to ask?" with Sandi Anderson

Sister Stud

Stronghold

Definition of STRONGHOLD

Top 10 Tuesday

New Reaction to an Old Circumstance

Taking Notes

Black is Back

Sing, Sing a Song, make it anything

Documenting Miracles

Top 10 Tuesday

Colloquial Vocab

Lending and Borrowing

Top 10 Tuesday

Heroes and Miracles

Epic

Top 10 Tuesday

What's in a Nametag?

Scumscream

Do Tell....got stims?

On Earth as it is...

Top 10 Tuesday