Mentorship right under my nose

What a week last week was! Four school night's out can nearly do me in.  Each night was worthy: an ASA film festival, our Banding Together board meeting, the Miracle Project launch in San Diego, a Kingsmen gig, Young Life fundraiser and Prom!!  Yet, on the heels of these daytime highlights: Allie presenting her "senior legacy" (one of 7 voted by classmates), an IEP, extra rehearsals and of course the up-do hair appointment, nails and pre-prom prep, they created a dizzying array of highpoints necessitating several take out dinners and a do-nothing Sunday.

Life is full. Where to start?

How 'bout with a line from yesterday's sermon? Summarizing a sermon on discipleship, our pastor implored us to, "look behind you, and see who's following you." All of us have opportunities to mentor and be mentored.

I saw this Friday night. A group of young musicians, The Dudes' Bandslam, are steadily following Reid and his Kingsmen bandmates. The Dude's Bandslam has been together a little more than a year. They opened Friday night for The Kingsmen who've been gigging for five years.

Mentoring is one of the key buzz words embedded in the threefold mission of Banding Together: to give music therapy scholarships, mentorships and instruments to youth with special needs. We toil in trial and error to create the first chicken, or is it the egg, of a mentorship program.  Gaining momentum, we were just awarded a grant from WRAMTA for a series of Jam Sessions linking local musicians with kids. Another smashing success that's evolving are Soundcheck Jams with touring musicians at the Belly Up Tavern. They deserve a post of their own.

Try as we might, it seems the most solid example of mentorships is right under our nose. It was obvious last Friday night; The Kingsmen themselves are the mentors!  How often is this how God works?  His ways are mysterious and higher than ours.  While we're busy compulsively planning good things, He hits a pop fly into left field. His upside-down Kingdom way never ceases to surprise and delight me. It makes me laugh honestly, in acknowledgment that it is so much better than anything we could have asked for or even imagined--around any brainstorming board table.

Back to the gig: the Dudes' Bandslam played the first set at our coffeehouse fundraiser.  We do a series of 6 of these throughout the school year.  Local high school bands and jazz ensembles perform, invite their own following. By selling raffle tickets, we raise money and awareness for music therapy.  Each one is awesome in its own right, having a different flavor depending on the crowd and tenor of the band.

I'm biassed obviously, but the last one of the season is special because it puts our mission into 3-D. Kids--with autism, who've grown up with music therapy--are up on stage rocking the casbah in order to raise money so kids like them, but younger can get the same benefits. Innately, they demonstrate our mission better than any board member could articulate it. They embody the mission. It rocks!

So, this tongue-tied board member hopes you can see from the pictures what took place. A community turned out.  Their were so many webs of connection between the audience--from church from Miracle League baseball, from the chiropractors office, from Capernaum.  Everyone knew somebody. That made for a receptive, encouraging environment.  Nervous as they were, the boys had the crowd whether they remembered the lyrics or sang off key.  Dancing in the aisle and hooting was encouraged.  We--because I include myself in the bunch--were like a bunch of college freshman having our first beers at a frat house. Crazy and carefree...

The paparazzi rivaled a royal wedding. In addition to the professional photographer, Stacy Bostrom, who volunteered (her portraits of kids make me drool), there were 3 videos rolling, a couple SLR's, and every iPhone in the place. Again, whether they kept or missed the beat, this was going down in history. Note: these pics are from my phone; hers will follow.

By the time the second set came around, our partner sorority Alpha Xi Delta had collected $400.  The Kingsmen took the stage and brought it home. Reid took the announcements from there. As front man, he has developed a comfortable schtick telling the audience where else they perform and what he likes best about being in the band.  On a roll this time, he even gave the last call for raffle tickets and said, "we messed up" when one of the songs had a false start.  No worries, they are seasoned performers. One comrade mom who has known Reid since our boys were kindergartners riding horses was mesmerized, "I don't think I've ever heard Reid speak." Such is the transformational power of music--and the stage for him.

That's when I saw it. On the overstuffed loveseat sat the entire Dudes' Slamband squished together, almost on each other's laps. The four of them, elated their set was done, watched every move The Kingsmen made.  Wielding drumsticks in the air, they copied unabashedly showing us how mentorship works. Never mind the local pros, The Kingsmen were mentoring them--modeling how it's done--breaking down the next steps--showing rather than telling what it is to be a band.

They need to have an encore ready next time, for they brought down the house!  Everyone wanted more.  Adrenaline rushing through his veins, Reid broadcast to every lingering fan, "Mom, I did an awesome job! That deserves a treat." He doesn't need a microphone.  Once home, he remained on top of the world spouting off another historic one-liner: "Mom, I DO wanna do more gigs. When's the next one?"  The thrill of living one's destiny feeds on itself and can't help but be passed along.

This from the boy who hours before didn't want to go. No one would have guessed how nervous he had been beforehand.  I hope he doesn't remember either:)


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  Hebrews 12:1-3


What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas ”; still another, “I follow Christ.”  1 Corinthians 1:11-13

Serendipitous Victory

Some nights it just all comes together! (like it was planned in advance)

Last Saturday was the third in a series of six Youth Helping Youth concerts to raise money for Banding Together, a nonprofit with a mission is to provide music therapy scholarships and mentorships to kids with special needs. The Kingsmen have been the de facto poster band for Banding Together since it began. Certainly, they epitomize the mission. They are no longer alone, however. This once-a-month opportunity has attracted interest from other local high school bands who love applause just as much. And two new special needs bands are forming.

The Pacific Ridge School Rock Jazz Ensemble, Vast Zephyr, Dirty Gold, The Third Edition and North Coast Singers Capella group are also getting in on the action, performing to share their passion for music and raise money for kids with special needs who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford music therapy. They know firsthand the power music has to motivate.

Unbenownst to me, a professional videographer in the audience offered up his gifts in the moment to capture the evening and the cause on film. Thank you Sean Horton! Reid got roped into the interview since I'm the last to leave. I don't think he minded, do you?

What do you see? More than money raised, the quality of the actual performance, or number in attendance, I see joyful happy moms who once feared letting their boys play in public. I see an inclusive community of all ages. I see respect for differences. I see admiration. I see innate leadership skills in kids who are marginalized in other contexts. I see joy. I see freedom that comes through the power of music. I see full engagement. I see proud fathers in attendance. I see peace. I see the Kingdom.

David told the leaders of the Levites to appoint their fellow Levites as musicians to make a joyful sound with musical instruments: lyres, harps and cymbals. 1 Chronicles 15:15-17

Applaud God, all people! His love has taken over our lives; God's faithful ways are eternal. Hallelujah! Psalm 117:1-2 The Message

your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Matthew 6:9-11

February Podcast: Paula Dawson

Paula is a woman who gives real meaning to the word, sweet. She is kind to the marrow.

Here's a glimpse of her last Friday winning a night out at a happening local nightclub. (who knew?) Spending time with Paula makes me feel like the lucky winner.

On Monday nights, she is found fully engaged in the waiting room at the Music Therapy Center of California. Our own permutation of a support group has resulted from our boys being in The Kingsmen band together. While they rehearse, we (four moms and grandma) talk. It's a sacred time. Paula listens and speaks with style, grace and humor. Never flustered, quick to laugh, always willing to help, Paula is a balm in Gilead.

I consider her an inspiration to the autism community. Last night she was gracious enough to let me ask her a couple questions while recording:

Click Autism Unplugged Paula Dawson.mp3 or the play button below.

I always wanted to do a photo montage of Conor in the famous Fantasia pose we mentioned. His bravado thrills me at every performance.

Any Readers in NYC?

Did I tell you about the NYU film student, Michelle Delateur, who found The Kingsmen on Myspace? I think not...so behind. In any case, she came, she filmed, she edited...and Rockism, the documentary featuring Reid's band, is ready.

The screening will be January 29th at 11:00am on the NYU campus with Christiane Amanpour, CNN correspondent, as the guest speaker. I can't get there but maybe you can.

Reid's the one on the trampoline at the very beginning. That's my boy!

Hide or See?

It's the morning after...World Autism Awareness Day. Yesterday, I was betwixt and beholden to post something, anything....but not knowing quite what?

I actually struggled all week with procrastination. My husband's absence on a two week surfari and several extra writing projects (Form 1023 for a 501 C3, brochure copy, and website for Banding Together) have combined to erect a sizable writer's blockade in my mind. My expressive language may be delayed but the receptive is graciously intact; I am still reading my RSS feed! Listening to this talk by Jess Wilson's at the Greater Hartford Autism Speaks Walk Kickoff released the floodgates for me:




So, I pray this morning after and all month (since April is Autism Awareness Month), that people will take that momentous first step and be more aware. As Jess says, "awareness is not the end goal but the first step." Like a parent witnessing a toddler take her first wobbly steps, I audibly gasped to open a post yesterday on the Living Proof Ministry blog. To my surprised delight, Beth Moore, the mega-Bible teacher, acknowledged World Autism Awareness Day by sharing the testimony of a mom and a call for prayers in the comment field for others experiencing autism. I love it when worlds collide like that and I hear about autism (my one planet) in an evangelical faith blog (my other zone) or in my husband's surfing environmentalism sphere. Truly, that cross pollination is evidence of growing awareness.

I spoke a couple weeks ago to the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group that meets at our church. The topic they gave me was "Raising a Special Needs Child." Knowing there'd only be a few in the audience who'd consider themselves in that category (in those tender years), I tried to generalize my points to make them more widely applicable. At the outset, I asked for a show of hands, "how many of you know a child with autism...be it neighbor, cousin, nephew, or classmate?" I was stunned when 80% of the hands went up. Had I known, I might have prepared differently and shared our story with an emphasis on "ways to help a child with autism." Next time:)

As Jess Wilson mentions, this is why we tell our stories, it is why we blog, and why we don't hide in our houses. Our transparency and willingness to be vulnerable in our own circles of influence, are how awareness happens. If the world is ever going to be a hospitable place for our kids to live independently, we need to educate. If awareness is the first step, then the ultimate goal is full inclusion.

I've been convicted lately within our church of ways that I have chosen to cop out and take the easier path of hiding, rather than doing the instruction that must precede inclusion. We practice our own avoidance strategies don't we? First for survival, and then out of habit. For example, my family has not been to an All Church Retreat in 11 years. Reid has not been included with his same age peers in Sunday school since 3rd grade. At that point it seemed easier to keep him with us in the sanctuary, under the shelter of our wings, so to speak. To side-step the unstructured, choatic coffee hour, we've taken the liberty of letting him watch a video in an empty upper room. Not too many people are "aware" of this arrangement; Reid is truly out of sight out of mind, for them.

Granted, it is emotionally draining to be exposed all the time. And educators have a high burn out rate. Lately though I am feeling that in our family, we've reached a tipping point where our "hiding" is doing a disservice to Reid and to others. In the name of self-preservation, I have robbed our friends and community of powerful, life-changing interactions that God may have intended for their personal growth.

Biblically speaking, my son (and everyone of us) is indispensable to the body of Christ. For a time-- in my exhaustion, isolation, and vulnerability to the Enemy--I bought the lie that it was selfish for me to ask for extra staff, a buddy, or modifications in order for Reid to participate in church events. I am beginning to see that without realizing it, I may have denied others the opportunity "to receive the gift of Reid" in the words of our senior high youth director. The truth is: it is actually prideful of me to take care of it myself.

It's the morning after...what have you learned?



The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. 1 Corinthians 12:21-23


God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 2 Samuel 22:20-22 and Psalm 18:19-21 The Message


So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. " I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. John 13:15-17

More Music Mastro

Ours was a weekend full of music that ran the gamut from Kibbles Rockin' Clubhouse hits to Coldplay covers to Mussorgsky's Hopak from "Sorochinsky Fair." Scratching in my mind are partial tracks from each of these as I face Monday morning. My husband was hanging on by the hair of his chinny chin chin to keep up with the whirlwind schedule the kids and I had memorized.  Reid sang at least 4 times from the Walk Now for Autism stage on Saturday.  Allie played flute in the first San Diego Youth Symphony concert of the season. High brow, low brow, we were all over town.

The San Diego Youth Symphony honors a music educator each year who has devoted their career to developing young musicians.  Dean Hickman, chosen this year, gave a brief but moving acceptance speech. You know I love music and its myriad benefits are already swirling around like visions of sugarplums in my head. I spent last week helping write the mission statement and vision for Banding Together, a non-profit organization newly established "to make music with people with special needs to unleash their creative potential and connect in community." (I've memorized that after tweaking and typing it so many times.)  

So, Mr. Hickman's sentiments are ringing in my ears.  As he eloquently said, music is the universal language.  By teaching it, we prepare future leaders of the world with character, discipline, and skills in every discipline from math and physics to diplomacy and foreign language.  His own son grew up in the ranks of the SDYS and is now a principal trumpet player for a symphony in the midwest. He told of international travel opportunities where students unable to communicate one word of each other's language could sit down and engage at length over a piece of Mozart music.  So strong is the language of music. Agreed.

Given our family dynamic, I couldn't help but notice one itty bitty inaccuracy. When the inimitable conductor touted his truly outstanding program, he pointed out the beauty of this annual concert is that it features all five levels of the SDYS program thereby displaying the development and progression of musicians through every ability level. Well...almost every ability.  

I am not suggesting that the SDYS take on students with diagnosed disability. But rather, wouldn't it be nice if a similar program existed that really was fully inclusive? Well, it just soon may! 

Maybe not in the classical vein but with a similar goal of developing musical talent at all levels. Only a few precedents exist that I have been able to unearth. The Naturals is a band in Chicago founded by music therapists at the Creative Music Exchange. They have attained attention from the media here if you want to hear them.

Keys to the Studio in Toronto is another one.  People inside and outside the disability world are excited about this place.  News coverage lists the professionals who volunteer and connect under the studio roof.  Listening to the CBC audio interview with founders, John Jowitt and Salina Eldon, gives me goosebumps.  As he says, "music is an open, infinite field that allows for all kinds of sound.  It is also a method of communication and a way of seeing what's in peoples' minds. The connection that you develop when playing music with someone is very strong...and leads to social connection..which is really helpful integrating people with each other."  I want to meet this guy!

In order to allow artistic expression and build trust, there is no right and wrong at Keys to the Studio.  Doesn't this smack wonderfully of Greenspan's Floortime and RDI?  By following the child's lead, withholding preconceived expectations and accepting each other's ideas as valuable, we build relationship and engagement.  As this generation of autism grows up, the world will need more programs like this for teens and young adults.

As I manned the MTCCA booth last Saturday at the Walk, I was quickly reminded how much music has driven and transformed Reid's development.  I could honestly say to the throngs of parents filing through the resource fair:  "Reid grew up the songs in the In Harmony curriculum. Before they were published, Angela used them in her private sessions with him."  "Until age 8, everything he knew he'd learned through music" (counting, the alphabet, greetings, sharing, Bible verses, the Lord's prayer, days of the week, months of the year, continents).  "Music engages him instantly because with it he can access both sides of his brain." 

We call her Lady Babyish now, but the female voice on an old Discovery Toys (check out the new Autism Program on their site) "Sounds Like Fun" cassette was his first teacher.  She covered a lot of ground with him at naptime, bedtime, and drive time.  Thankfully, we've progressed from there to more age-appropriate musical selections.  Much to my dismay, my car radio is now tuned to Star 94 and I am having to edify "Laura's Dirt" and Jeff and Jer's morning show on a regular basis.  Reid, "you know 'dirt' is actually gossip which is harmful. Remember what Judy Rogers (another awesome early musical educator in Bible literacy) sang about the seven things God hates"? Be that as it may, music remains a great vehicle for lifetime learning, recreation, and "therapy" at any level.

The vision for Banding Together includes a recording studio space where professional and amateur musicians, of truly ALL abilities, can pursue their passion together. Turning obsession into vocation as Temple Grandin exemplifies and advocates in her book, "Developing Talents," can happen--not in a vacuum--but in community with others who share the same passion. Through mentorship, jam sessions, workshops, open mic nights and recording opportunities, we intend to take the goals of the SDYS to the "n"th degree. Stay tuned...

As they make music they will sing, "All my fountains are in you." 

Psalm 87:6-7

So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. 

Matthew 25:24-26


But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 

1 Corinthians 7:6-8

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him.  

Proverbs 6:15-17