What are we working for?

Today Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide calendar prompts us to pray for Teacher, Aides and Therapists (we've known a few) with this verse:

But as for you, be strong do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

work for... reward.... Those are loaded words at my house!

Trained as we are in the ways of the autism world, I can't read them without picturing a PECS chart of possible motivators. "What will we work for today, Reid?" A video, piece of gum, or student choice....

From a tender age the premise can be established: tit for tat. You do what I want then, I'll give you what you want. It can quickly become a way of life.

After pooping on the seat or emptying the silverware, Reid's been known to shout, "That deserves a movie payoff!" And so his artful negotiation developed. Here's how ridiculous it can seem:

"You want me to do what? Three chores in a row? Compost, garbage cans, and silverware? What's it worth to you? Can we go to Target?

From the earliest days of our journey, this thinking smacked of no good to me. Oh! not that it doesn't work. It does...in the short term. Yet, isn't there more to parenting than compliance? Don't we want children for more than transactional accomplishments? Where is the love?

Given the choices we had (and have) as consumers in the autism market (which is a growth industry), I searched for what would be the right choice. Applied Behavioral Analysis or Floortime seemed the prevailing options at that time. The Bible doesn't give specific direction about autism intervention and the myriad of therapy choices, anymore than it does about spanking, but seeking the Holy Spirit, we have to glean what we can from related verses. And consider the character of God.

He didn't create people just to get the garden of Eden weeded. He wanted company walking in the cool of the day!

Early on in our journey, we visited Dr. Serena Weider in DC and pursued Floortime with a vengeance. This antithesis to ABA was revolutionary at the time. School districts wouldn't, claim they couldn't, do it. Therapists would only do it in a hybrid approach along with the more scientifically proven behavioral theory. To me, it answered the cliche WWJD question? If He were the parent of a kid with autism, what would Jesus do? Floortime is a vivid picture of what Jesus did (and does) with each of us.

He got down on our level, became flesh no less, to engage with us, entering into our humdrum lives even following our lead as Floortime instructs. He meets us at the well drawing water, or in the leper colony where we're stuck, or at the tax collecting table where we work...spinning tops or flipping lightswitches back and forth ad nauseum. Whatever holds our interest, he starts there and patiently uses it as a means to relationship with Him.

I can only think of one chart in Scripture: those Big 10 ground rules on the stone tablets. And when we broke them to shreds. He rewrote them knowing we couldn't keep them to the letter, anyway. He'd have to send His only Son, the only one who could. Yet he wouldn't send him to show off and go home with all the stickers. He sent Him as a servant to get down in the mud with us. It's by sticking with him, abiding in relationship that we learn how to really live. You see, He is the reward!

After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward. ” Genesis 15:1-3

Surely God in heaven wants to give us the reward of being with Him for eternity. He doesn't force, bribe or coerce us into choosing it though. He gives us free will to worship Him, lift our eyes to His gaze, enjoy His presence. Like the most compelling Floortime player you could imagine, Jesus lovingly persists and hounds us and keep things just beyond our grasp in hopes that we will want to engage intimately with Him. It's why He created us in the first place.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:5-7

Repentance: my new best friend

Today's prayer prompt on the Turning the Tide! April Calendar leads me to confession. I've fallen into a common trap set for strong women who are motivated by challenge. It's a deep hole that can trip you up at various points for long periods of time on the autism journey. Beware!

"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible

My mom taught me self-esteem through this scripture--or at least a portion of it. Whether it was my warped listening or her incongruent circumstances of being a single parent, I mostly heard the first part: you can do all things! Abruptly cropped there, the verse became a distorted lie and my head swelled past the healthy percentile. She had me convinced I could be president of the United States if I just put my mind to it. "Mind over matter" was inflated to more than mere axiom.

So, only mildly daunted by the impossibility of conception, I entered adoptive motherhood of twins confidently. I can do anything I set my mind to. I kept marching through early intervention and autism diagnosis, I can do this, watch me. My strong-willed self-talk escalated until it approached ugly fallacies like, "my love will make the difference" and "I know better than anyone" and "I don't need help, I'm fine." Floortime, 40-hr. week intervention, team meetings, PRT, Brain Highways, GF diets, homeschooling, bring it on. I was invincible--and deluded.

I shudder to think now, how great God allowed the demands to become before I would admit the truth, even to my own husband. The raw reality was clear to us both when I finally said, "You're right. I can't do this." I had long before started calling my own shots and was far off base from things God had asked. That's not self-esteem, it's not scriptural; it's sin straight up. I had agreed and perpetuated an ugly mess of pride, self-sufficiency, idolatry, unbelief and control. As each layer of wrong thinking is revealed, the Lord has graciously led me to repentance.

Repentance is my new best friend, for without it I'd still be mired down in that trap with no way out--still trying to do the impossible...alone...or with the added weights of shame and guilt.

Repentance is a powerful punch to the enemy of our souls that's actually deceptively simple. As I come across a verse--like the one today--that I've either misinterpreted, misconstrued or missed the mark in living out, I simply turn around from what's false and agree with the truth as laid out by my loving Father in heaven.

This is amazingly similar to what Reid does at school when he missteps on one of a myriad "School Rules." They call it "turning the day around." Maybe he left the area during morning meeting. He has a chat with one of the teachers to recognize the rule and hopefully choose to turn it around. No condemnation. No permanent penalty. Just returning to life as usual with new resolve to abide by whatever rule. Let's just reason together.

Whether in the natural realm with school rules or the spiritual realm with God's stated principles, freedom begins by recognizing we got something wrong. Then turning away from that, I can agree with truth and walking increasingly toward it. It's a process made habitual by individual small steps.

For example, as I read Philippians 4:13 and realize my flawed thinking, I pray something like this repenting and agreeing with Scripture:

Lord, forgive me for thinking I can do anything without you. I repent for giving ground to pride and selfishness and control. I repent for putting other people and things (idols) in the center of my life. Thank you for offering me Jesus' help. I want to operate in His strength and power which is far superior to my own. I ran myself ragged chasing solutions and doing a million things you never asked me to do. I am so sorry for listening to so many experts before my own husband, let alone You. It went awry like confetti following the law of gravity, when I made my own rules. I need your strength and power. Thank you for the help of Christ. Help me stay close enough to you to hear only what you are asking me to do.

"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible

Correlated with Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide! Prayer Thrust.

“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the LORD,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

March Podcast: Marcie Strandburg

Mercy me. I missed March 31st to post Miss Marcie!

Marcie Strandburg is a one of the few, the humble, the prayer warriors. She showed up when I advertised a Moms in Touch prayer circle for special needs moms several years ago. In order to appreciate how unique and faithful she is, you need to know I sent more than 100 email invitations!

She is a rare gem of a tender heart who really prays--alone, together, outloud, silently, by email, in her sleep. We have become closer friends since then and now serve together on several committees. Marcie is Prayer Captain for Young Life Capernaum San Diego. She heads up Aspirations, a monthly Asperger's support group at North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad. Her website is a great local resource. And--the Lord multiplies her time--she's been instrumental in hosting our next Concert of Prayer there too! Save the date: Saturday morning, May 21st!

You won't hear any of that on this podcast though, just her humble heart of love for the Lord and her son, Jacob. I love doing these because every time, I learn something new about one of my friends. Listen and love...

AutismUnplugged-Marcie.Strandburg.mp3

Puzzle No More

The puzzle piece icon has become an almost universal symbol for autism. Generally speaking, I steer away from it. I don't sport the ribbon pin, keychain, bumper sticker, or mindset--though these clogs did catch my eye.

Nevertheless, today is the day--April is the month--to get on the Autism Awareness band wagon. While I am changing my profile pic, screwing blue bulbs into my porch lights, and printing out my Turning the Tide prayer calendar today, I figured I would also search BibleGateway for what the God has to say about "puzzles."

"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things." Jeremiah 17:8-10 The Message

Read that verse again! The puzzles no one can figure out, are not secrets of darkness to Him. He has a strategy; He's not stumped; He's ordained our days.

He is not puzzled over this epidemic. He is up to something. Further, it is just not His way to hide things from us. He's just waiting like a desperate mom, for each of his children to make eye contact and call out His name.

The Light it Up Blue campaign is easy to scripturalize. As we seek to Shine a Light on Autism, let's call upon the God of Genesis who brought light itself into being with His words, "Let there be light." His Son, the light of the world, came from heaven to earth with a mission to cancel our sin, heal the blind, seek and save the lost. His Spirit communicates those secrets of darkness to us when we ask. According to both the book of Revelation and little Colton's account in Heaven is For Real, there is no darkness in heaven. God and Jesus literally light it up.

I am celebrating dramatic deliverance and freedom this month that we've experienced since last April, which was very dark. From that hellhole of pharmaceuticals, panic, and power failure, we have been rescued. It sounds like I'm preaching but really I am astonished--like Colton's parents--or the Israelites looking back at the Red Sea--that it is all real! Everything He says He does, when we do it His way: remove the idols, pray without ceasing, and submit to our husbands. He shines a light on autism, cancer, AIDS, and every other disease that puzzles us.

Are you getting on the band wagon this April? Ask the Lord what He would have you do. He is faithful to reveal it one piece at a time.

"Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark--light spills out of him! Daniel 2:22 The Message

Suddenly, God, your light floods my path, God drives out the darkness. I smash the bands of marauders, I vault the high fences. What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it. 2 Samuel 22:28-30 The Message

Lifelong

That word "lifelong" looms as an ominous cloud over the classical definition of autism. Whether you read it on a book cover, hear it from a doctor, or google search it, it's superlative and so final.

Here's one:

Autism is a complex, life long developmental disability that interferes with the person's ability to understand what he sees, hears and touches.

and another:

Autism is a lifelong disability affecting nearly 1 in 250 children

born in the world today. With the diagnosis of autism reaching

epidemic proportions, it is important that accurate information is made

available to anyone who will be working with, living with, or loving a

person with autism.

Lately (and remember I'm 14 years post-diagnosis), it's hit me thus: Who among us doesn't have a lifelong condition? Whether you call it sin or humanity, we all have it. It's not going away this side of heaven.

We all grapple with some resonant theme for the course of a lifetime. Some get help, make significant progress, experience breakthrough, accomplish amazing milestones, others remain stuck. We may make great strides for a season, even appear "recovered" for periods of time, but then slip back, fall off the wagon and feel hopeless. Two steps forward, one step back. It's universal--with or without an autism diagnosis.

Whether we tend toward pride, rejection, greed, anger, selfishness, fear, we each have our hot buttons. There are interventions available to help us in the natural world. Spiritual gains are there too. The Lord may reveal a verse that helps us through a time; accountability partners give us a leg up for a season; we enjoy success, even deliverance for years of time. But we remain: human, sinful, incomplete.

Personalize it. What prayer do you pray each Sunday in church? Have you become a broken record asking God for grace in the same area? I have confessions and recommittals that are recurrent, if I'm honest. They are lifelong issues related to my unique temperament, circumstances and alas, even God's purpose in my life.

And so, we work out our salvation... Life...Long...until that day we are complete in Christ.

Until then, you might say we're all learning how to die...to self, to sin, to _____.

Jon Foreman sings it best:

The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. Psalm 19:6-8 The Message

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:20-22

Therefore, my dear friends...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling... Philippians 2:11-13

Autistic in the spirit

An undeniable emptiness, I've felt before, came over me this morning. It's just Reid and me at home this weekend. Have you ever felt alone in someone's company? Hearing him hook up to the television--like an IV--I followed him downstairs feeling taken-for-granted, ignored, like furniture.

All he really cares about is that constant stream of visual stimulation. His assumption that I will always be here to provide basic wants and needs, is accurate even if hurtful.

I say "Good Morning" to no response. Until, "can you bring me hash browns?"

How many times do I wake up and the first thing I say to the Lord is, "Will you bless my day?" or some other thinly veiled demand for creature comfort. To some degree, we all go around idolizing our own pleasure, achievement, pastimes, or just our own navels. While God sits waiting for a heartfelt "good morning" connection.

God in Heaven continues to bless us but, you know all He really wants? Relationship! To have us come look in His eyes, play footsie, or otherwise give Him the time of day. That's all I want from Reid. Spent umpteen hours--his lifetime--and thousands of dollars trying to achieve it. To have him greet me

spontaneously, care what I think, want to sit with me or tell me about his day.

Maybe, just maybe, God's purpose in allowing autism is to illustrate the condition of our hearts toward Him in the spiritual realm. Can you think of a better way? Many of us are autistic in our spirits. No intervention the world offers can save us from ourselves. The reality of Reid helps me grasp the parallel and modify my own behavior toward God my Father in heaven.

If God loves me while I am yet a selfish sinner turning my back and gaze away from Him, then I can keep on loving Reid on the days he doesn't express any reciprocity. I see myself in him.

Brings to mind these lyrics,

• How Is It Between Us? by Sara Groves

More Sara Groves music on iLike

January Podcast: "Is it too much to ask?" with Sandi Anderson

Da da da da da da da! Drum roll please....

I'd like to present a new monthly feature: a brief on-the-street interview with someone I consider an inspiration in the autism community.

Miss January is Sandi Anderson, resource person extraordinaire!

Sandi and I share the same maiden name, faith in the same God, the same history of homeschooling, the same stubborn insistence on our kids' potential, and the same invisible tattoo. She is creative beyond all get out, resourceful, humble, accessible, and helpful. She has mentored countless moms-turned-professional-through-autism in San Diego county. If they don't know her, they know of her (and wish they did).

I first knew "of her" and was thrilled when she invited me to plan the Concert of Prayer for Special Needs in San Diego County. Now, I am honored to call her a friend. She has an idea a minute and is the one I call when I'm stuck or circling. I always hang up with a genius next step that feels easy to take.

Sandi repeatedly finds a way where none exists, whether to get Regional Center and the Dept of Rehab to fund a self-determination grant for her 21 year old son to have his own business or take the other to swim with dolphins in Hawaii. She is also hilarious! She was in usual jesting form, as we met for lunch at Rubio's to tape this. After she heard my line of questioning, she first asked how much I was paying her ($.00). Then, shot out a title for the new blog feature, "Is it too much to ask?" We all need a friend who makes us laugh.

In this picture, she is "tooting her own horn" at the Autism Tree Project Foundation's USD Football Mentor game day. Enjoy meeting her yourself on this audio podcast:Sandi Anderson.aiff

Note to Facebook readers: Click "View Original Post" to access the mp3 player.)