Mentorship right under my nose

What a week last week was! Four school night's out can nearly do me in.  Each night was worthy: an ASA film festival, our Banding Together board meeting, the Miracle Project launch in San Diego, a Kingsmen gig, Young Life fundraiser and Prom!!  Yet, on the heels of these daytime highlights: Allie presenting her "senior legacy" (one of 7 voted by classmates), an IEP, extra rehearsals and of course the up-do hair appointment, nails and pre-prom prep, they created a dizzying array of highpoints necessitating several take out dinners and a do-nothing Sunday.

Life is full. Where to start?

How 'bout with a line from yesterday's sermon? Summarizing a sermon on discipleship, our pastor implored us to, "look behind you, and see who's following you." All of us have opportunities to mentor and be mentored.

I saw this Friday night. A group of young musicians, The Dudes' Bandslam, are steadily following Reid and his Kingsmen bandmates. The Dude's Bandslam has been together a little more than a year. They opened Friday night for The Kingsmen who've been gigging for five years.

Mentoring is one of the key buzz words embedded in the threefold mission of Banding Together: to give music therapy scholarships, mentorships and instruments to youth with special needs. We toil in trial and error to create the first chicken, or is it the egg, of a mentorship program.  Gaining momentum, we were just awarded a grant from WRAMTA for a series of Jam Sessions linking local musicians with kids. Another smashing success that's evolving are Soundcheck Jams with touring musicians at the Belly Up Tavern. They deserve a post of their own.

Try as we might, it seems the most solid example of mentorships is right under our nose. It was obvious last Friday night; The Kingsmen themselves are the mentors!  How often is this how God works?  His ways are mysterious and higher than ours.  While we're busy compulsively planning good things, He hits a pop fly into left field. His upside-down Kingdom way never ceases to surprise and delight me. It makes me laugh honestly, in acknowledgment that it is so much better than anything we could have asked for or even imagined--around any brainstorming board table.

Back to the gig: the Dudes' Bandslam played the first set at our coffeehouse fundraiser.  We do a series of 6 of these throughout the school year.  Local high school bands and jazz ensembles perform, invite their own following. By selling raffle tickets, we raise money and awareness for music therapy.  Each one is awesome in its own right, having a different flavor depending on the crowd and tenor of the band.

I'm biassed obviously, but the last one of the season is special because it puts our mission into 3-D. Kids--with autism, who've grown up with music therapy--are up on stage rocking the casbah in order to raise money so kids like them, but younger can get the same benefits. Innately, they demonstrate our mission better than any board member could articulate it. They embody the mission. It rocks!

So, this tongue-tied board member hopes you can see from the pictures what took place. A community turned out.  Their were so many webs of connection between the audience--from church from Miracle League baseball, from the chiropractors office, from Capernaum.  Everyone knew somebody. That made for a receptive, encouraging environment.  Nervous as they were, the boys had the crowd whether they remembered the lyrics or sang off key.  Dancing in the aisle and hooting was encouraged.  We--because I include myself in the bunch--were like a bunch of college freshman having our first beers at a frat house. Crazy and carefree...

The paparazzi rivaled a royal wedding. In addition to the professional photographer, Stacy Bostrom, who volunteered (her portraits of kids make me drool), there were 3 videos rolling, a couple SLR's, and every iPhone in the place. Again, whether they kept or missed the beat, this was going down in history. Note: these pics are from my phone; hers will follow.

By the time the second set came around, our partner sorority Alpha Xi Delta had collected $400.  The Kingsmen took the stage and brought it home. Reid took the announcements from there. As front man, he has developed a comfortable schtick telling the audience where else they perform and what he likes best about being in the band.  On a roll this time, he even gave the last call for raffle tickets and said, "we messed up" when one of the songs had a false start.  No worries, they are seasoned performers. One comrade mom who has known Reid since our boys were kindergartners riding horses was mesmerized, "I don't think I've ever heard Reid speak." Such is the transformational power of music--and the stage for him.

That's when I saw it. On the overstuffed loveseat sat the entire Dudes' Slamband squished together, almost on each other's laps. The four of them, elated their set was done, watched every move The Kingsmen made.  Wielding drumsticks in the air, they copied unabashedly showing us how mentorship works. Never mind the local pros, The Kingsmen were mentoring them--modeling how it's done--breaking down the next steps--showing rather than telling what it is to be a band.

They need to have an encore ready next time, for they brought down the house!  Everyone wanted more.  Adrenaline rushing through his veins, Reid broadcast to every lingering fan, "Mom, I did an awesome job! That deserves a treat." He doesn't need a microphone.  Once home, he remained on top of the world spouting off another historic one-liner: "Mom, I DO wanna do more gigs. When's the next one?"  The thrill of living one's destiny feeds on itself and can't help but be passed along.

This from the boy who hours before didn't want to go. No one would have guessed how nervous he had been beforehand.  I hope he doesn't remember either:)


Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  Hebrews 12:1-3


What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas ”; still another, “I follow Christ.”  1 Corinthians 1:11-13

All God's Children

If you've never been in a room full of kids with disabilities, you haven't lived!

That wish may not be at the top your bucket list but, trust me if you ever get the chance it will tip your whole bucket upside down. Add music, worship or performance to that room and you approach an other-worldly experience that quickly becomes spiritual.

There is nothing quite so humbling or profound as watching people express themselves creatively without inhibition. I have had this experience a handful of times: at a Music Therapy Center recital, at Beyond Limits adult Sunday school class, and at the Young Life Capernaum Club Talent Show last June. Take a peek at what our friend Sean Horton captured on film.

Capernaum Talent Show from Sean Horton on Vimeo.

My experience must only begin to approach God's delight at watching us, his children--all of us differently-abled--using the gifts He gave us freely without comparison or ego or pride to adulterate them. It's pure and true to a liberating extent.

"Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:6-8

“To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey." Matthew 25:14-15

Photo credit: Bill Wilson

P.S. You're invited to visit a Capernaum Club every other Thursday night at 6:30 at Flood church offices on Ruffin Road in San Diego.

Kingsmen Rock!

The Kingsmen recorded a debut CD last month. I hardly know where to begin to itemize the cornucopia of blessings it holds.

It is beautiful from so many angles. Takes me back to a sculpture class I took for my art history degree. There was something so obvious, yet eye-opening about walking around a work of art to appreciate it, as opposed to standing in one spot in front of a painting.

Music, even more than sculpture, is multi-dimensional, changing with each hearing, venue, and circumstance of the listener. 

The Kingsmen is a band of four guys who are all clients of the Music Therapy Center of California. They range in age from 10-15 and rehearse weekly with Rachel Gant as a facilitator. Charlie, Conor, Kenton and Reid hone many skills in order to make music together. They interact as a team, read each other's body language, listen intently for cues, tolerate diverse senses of humor, exercise patience, and encourage each other to new milestones. Their commitment and willingness to perform have yielded an incredible sense of confidence and achievement in each of them.

Without any precedent of what to expect, the Kingsmen pulled out all the stops to capture their current repertoire of hits including Three Little Birds by Bob Marley, Meant to Live by Switchfoot, and the live crowd pleaser, Hang On Sloopy. Each of the band members have a solo on the CD which rounds out the project. During the 3-hour recording session there were many smiles, and a definite mix of jubilation, fatigue, and concentration. Working toward a common goal, the boys now have something concrete to show for their efforts and share with the world. They are proud of the outcome!

I am proud of Ted Vaughn and Chris Hobson who made the recording session a reality at our church, Solana Beach Presbyterian Church. Ted has an interest in all things musical. More than that, he has caught the gestalt of the Kingsmen. Like a quarterback clutching a pigskin and driving toward the end zone, he has philosophically embraced what the band has to offer others in our community.  Everybody scores when they enter the spotlight and do their thing, rather than be relegated to the sidelines. Chris defies description. With the mystery of a kid-whisperer and his impeccable ears for sonic integrity, he is silently impressive. The interaction between these minds was something to behold.

At my first hearing of the recording, I used the word, "sweet" (of course, I am the Mom). The second time, "heartwarming" came to mind. I've landed on "endearing." Others say it has "raw honesty" and "tells the story of these guys." Kenton's rendition of Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" brings tears to your eyes. 

These boys are fast becoming young men; they have come a long way from "early intervention." Now they are finding a niche in society. In an effort to stay age-appropriate, their music therapy has morphed from one-on-one sessions to this more demanding and normalizing social experience of being in a band. Music is a bridge that can catapult them into "real world" encounters.

They played last year at a local Border's bookstore, Christmas on the Promenade, and several Walk Now for Autism events. What we find at these gigs is that despite their emerging musicianship and irregardless of their performance any given night, the boys have a message of struggle, promise, and victory that is universally relevant and inspiring. The manager at Border's commented that they were better than any in-store event he'd ever booked. Mind you, I know they weren't better technically, but their effort was greater and as a result the experience seems richer to the audience. Like the widow who gave her last mite, these guys are walking parables. Many life lessons are magnified by their example. Oddly, (and fortunately, for the moms listening in trepidation in the wings) not much explanation is needed for the audience to "get it." The boys can't hide their struggle or their success. People are moved for reasons that are hard to deny and don't need to be explained.

They will play at our church during December. I am both nervous and excited about this.  I can't help but hear countless Biblical foundations through The Kingsmen. Perhaps they are able to convey these truths more profoundly than the professional worship leaders we are used to hearing up front. Precepts from the Bible jump off the pages when they deliver culturally relevant lyrics like "you know you gotta help me out...." from the Killers "All These Things that We've Done" or "we were meant to live for so much more..."from Switchfoot or "don't worry about a thing..." from Bob Marley.  Are those not doctrinal sound bites that resonate with God's Word? No wonder they're so full of hope!

Now, I must figure out how to load MP3's on a blog.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Ecclesiastes 4:9-11


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:33-34


What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  Matthew 16:25-27

"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others." 

Luke 21:2-4

Bands of Light

Nerves ran high before the Kingsmen band performed at a local Borders last Tuesday. At least the parents were concerned and a bit self-conscious about letting our adolescent boys make this debut public appearance.

The boys belted out "Hang on Sloopy" and the youngest member of the band (9) graced us with a heartfelt solo of Ingrid Michaelson's poignant song "The Way I Am."

"Don't Worry about a Thing" chirped the Bob Marley lyrics as they called it a night. Reid said his obligatory thank you's to the cluster of teachers who came to support him, negotiated a DVD purchase with Dad and off we went to bed on a school night.

All's well that ends well. Practice makes perfect. Keep up the good work. Oh ye of little faith. Music in a universal language. The show must go on. You don't mind if I write in all cliches, do you?

How often have you been in a place where you could not see the future but needed to step into it anyway? The boys did this. The band leaders from The Music Therapy Center of California did it. We, moms, did it. As parents of kids with autism, we are pioneers whether we like it or not. I hadn't realized until afterwards what uncharted territory it is to have a special needs band performing in a neurotypical, public venue. It shouldn't matter and in many ways it didn't matter. At the same time, that is what made it meaningful.

Perhaps the most telling commentary were from the store manager afterwards. He said the 30 minute show was better than most of the in-store events they've had. What's more...he'd love to have the Kingsmen back on a regular basis! We'll have to see about that*@!*? (His son was not in the band; I promise.) Music has a universal appeal and so does hope. Could it be that hope is what he found appealing? Hope is compelling, even marketable to him, his clientele, and to the world.

My nephew has been to Berklee school of music and led bands from Boston to LA with his magnanimous personality and superior saxophone skill. He told Reid once that "Half of success is just showing up." Woody Allen thought it was 80%. True, practical, sage advice for any man. Much of what we need to know in life can be boiled down and made that simple...whether its the gospel, making a living, or pursuing a dream.

Flame is a band who just showed up and now they have a custom fire painted tour bus! The group began as a recreation program at Lexington Center in New York state. They were so well received by local audiences that they've now recorded two CD's and are moving from regional to national ambitions. Check out this promo tape and you'll wonder, is it Tracy Chapman or is it Michelle King? Reading the bios of Michelle and the other band members makes that old "Up, up with people" track run through my mind!



I don't do prophecy but I do enjoy forward thinking! Does anyone know of other bands like Flame and the Kingsmen? Please chime in if you do.


"By day you led them with a pillar of cloud, and by night with a pillar of fire to give them light on the way they were to take." Nehemiah 9:12


"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!" 1 Corinthians 13:12-13 The Message

"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us." Romans 5:3

Another gig

"Mom, just get me to the stage!" Reid implored as we anxiously unloaded the van for one of his first gigs a couple years ago. There was a volume of between-the-lines information conveyed in that one little sentence. An empathetic, trained, engaged mom could fill in the paragraph of meaning in those seven simple words:

Mom, I can't do this alone.  I need your help.  I can sing.  I practiced. I know all the words I'm supposed to sing.  I love to perform. I can't wait for the thrill I feel when the people clap.  Will the people cheer? When I get on the stage and the band kicks in, I know I'll be fine but right now, I'm not sure if I can manage the sensory input that I know lies between this already over-stimulating parking structure which smells of carbon monoxide and the plaza we just drove by where Angela and the In Harmony band are expecting me.  But I've seen you do it.  And I trust you.  Will you get me past that gigantic, flagship Tower Records mega-store on the corner through the throngs of noonday workers and passersby at Horton Plaza to the stage they've set up for the NBC Health Fair? They're counting on me and I'm ready!

Well, he did do it!  Reid was the guest vocalist performing some of the songs on the In Harmony Integrated Learning Resource book and CD.  Our personal favorites, "I'm OK When Things Don't Go My Way" and "I'm Listening to What My Body Says" are ones he'd cut his teeth on over the years with Angela Neve as his music therapist. As Reid morphs into a teenager, Angela continues to gift us with her Developer and Futurist strengths (see yesterday's post). It is amazing to watch the sense of purpose and accomplishment which result from performing.  

  

He's come a long way, baby!  Last month, The Kingsmen Band, of which Reid is a member, had a gig at the Manchester Grand Hyatt in San Diego. The Autism Tree Project filmed their rehearsal session to be shown that evening at the 5th Anniversary "Rock The Lights Out for Autism"benefit gala.  The boys in the band impressed us as we gathered in the opulent lobby and then roamed around to multiple meeting rooms lugging sound equipment while the crew considered the best possible filming location. We experienced moms (with years of stored memories of breakdown, meltdown, and fall out) suggested the cameraman scout it out and get back to us. "These guys don't transition well.  You're going to lose them (mentally and maybe physically too). Do you know change is rough when...," we cautioned. 

Finally, we landed in a vacant ballroom atrium in a different wing of the property. Despite our collective wisdom and fear from hindsight, the boys in the band cooperated with even the unreasonable requests that were made of them.  All in the name of show biz! It was a testament to their motivation to perform, growth in character, ability to delay gratification, flexibility, responsibility to a team, and sense of purpose.  That's why we're doing it!  All good stuff.

Here is a portion of what was shown that night.  Reid is the one giving the unsolicited rave endorsement of The Music Therapy Center of California. That part was not rehearsed or planned.  It is straight from his heart and ironically, might be the best part!

They edited out an equally charming interview with Charlie:

TJ, the cameraman:  Where else do you guys play?  Do you hire out for parties?

Charlie: Ohhh NO.  We don't do parties.  Parties are very loud and too crowded.

Did I mention the film crew had no specific training in autism or speech therapy? Charlie displayed awesome self-advocating skills and honesty. He was gracious and polite to omit what I would have said, "One question at a time please, sir."

Be sure to catch their next gig at Border's Bookstore in Mission Valley Tuesday, June 17 at 7:00pm.

photo credits: photos.lguogo.com