How Do We Educate?

Do you have 20 minutes to spend with Sir Ken Robinson? You'll laugh and be inspired to think of intelligence differently.



After absorbing his points and reading Donald Miller's blogpost today, I ask myself, "What if Reid were treated as if he were highly intelligent?"

This afternoon a conference call with the purpley woman....tomorrow a pre-IEP meeting at his school......Winds in the east, mist coming in, like something is brewing, about to begin. Can't put me finger on what lies in store, but I feel what's to happen all happened before...

yeah, uhuh, whatever, go ahead

I picked Reid up early from school. We met Jim at the offices of an integrative educational specialist for an initial intake appointment. Had one of those lately? The encounter was awesome and admittedly atypical.

Jim tends to leave details and decisions like this to me, so it was not until we were in the waiting room that he mouthed (a little too loudly I thought), "What is this place? How long is this gonna take? and What do they do?" Classic!

I had already gotten a tour, met the players, and interviewed 4 satisfied clients. So, the organic, responsive, in the moment, alternative experience that ensued did not take me by total surprise. Jim had not. So it did.

His reactions crack me up. His humor afterwards illustrates how open-minded and fluid we've become. His mannerisms in the moment harken back to our common reference points. Where would we be without each other as bookends to hold up all that's gone between?

After 20 minutes in the waiting room (one broken photo album and a bent wastebasket later), Reid bulldozed through the door to scope this place out. Forget greetings or a potty break between appointments for the owner. Rather than block him or force a do-over with proper greetings, this purple clad female recognized his sensing curiosity. She immediately shifted from any protocol in order to follow his lead. Honoring the child, as they call it other places, she did what made more sense: treated him energetically.

We had expected her to politely grill us and review the ream of paperwork I'd dropped off beforehand. Instead, in short order, she had Reid and I both up on different massage tables tuning into Sennheiser headphones while she began Body Talk. (photo not actual size)

What about Jim? He had no idea what to do out in the hallway. I only peeked out the window once to see his dropped jaw and dumbfounded expression. The stereophonic rain and chimes sounded too good; the blanket on my feet too cozy to worry about whether he had gotten out his laptop or gone back to work.

After my balancing, I was terrifically calm, resonating with Reid on the comfy plum sofa. I could only grin watching Jim caddy corner from me in total bewilderment. He listened to the spontaneous specialist talk in intuitive circles, unable to nod or fill in her sentences. She may as well have been speaking gibberish. Later in bed, we debated whether he had actually spoken the words, "I don't even care," or just thought them.

Either way, our new friend had sized us up. These smart, engaged parents have been around the block. The mom is anxiety ridden. The dad focussed on results.

Bottom line: she won't make any predictions or guarantees, but she has complete confidence in her work. How long? How much? How often?How will we measure success? It can't be quantified. Finally, with a furrowed brow Jim did say outloud, "so, are we done here?"

Once we got home, he chuckled describing it to Allie as a "total twilight zone seeing mom in there drooling on a pillow." (exaggeration) At the same time, God love him, he is open to the value it may hold. Together, we are undying optimists hoping against hope to find the master key which will unlock the potential all agree Reid has in him. That is the unanimous common denominator that draws us back to each new specialist.

Oh Lord, it's hard not to be cynical when you've lost count of how many have claimed their work would be the bomb. The look on Jim's face told it all. What he wanted to do was hand them a list and say, "yeah, uhuh, we know...That's what they all say." "I'll call you when the results are obvious."

I don't blame him for I felt the same way. I suppose we want to be treated as colleagues for having acquired some knowledge along the way. Evidence of progress for all the time and money invested, would be nice. And acknowledgment, just for the record, that we are not starting at square 1 here; we are way into the double digits! So I wrote that list for Jim, in chronological order as best I can recall:

Occupational therapy

Speech therapy

Sensory Integration

Chiropractic

Nutritionists (5 come readily to mind)

Wilbarger brushing protocol

Integrated Playgroups

The GFCF diet

Applied Behavioral Analysis, ABA

Pivotal Response Training

Fast ForWord

Cranial Osteopathy with Viola Fryman and 5 of her proteges

Floortime training with Serena Wieder

Dr. Youssefi's GMS- SMI Institute

Pfeiffer Clinic

B12 injections

Auditory Integration Training

Samonas

Tomatis

Interactive Metronome

Music Therapy

Brain Highways

Brain Gym

Applied Kinesiology

Neuro-Emotional Technique, NET

Nambudripad Allergy Elimination Techniques, NAET

Neurofeedback

The Healing Rooms

Amen Clinic

and now....Body Talk

Parents who've been on this journey will surely understand what it's like to be held captive hearing suggestions you've heard before presented as if they are new under the sun; listening politely to the claims while calculating the hourly fees; feeling like "the sucker born every minute" on whom P.T. Barnum banked.

By now, I feel more like a battered wife returning yet again to be socked, disappointed, even burned, all the while wondering, just this once, if it could be different. Then choosing to go because, after all, you've got nowhere else to go. And you want so badly for the happy ending.

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:20-22

Miss Andrea Celebrates her 100th Post!

I am a sucker for kinesthetic edu-tainment. When we homeschooled, my daughter's friends affectionately called me "Miss Frizzle." (Could it be, the hair?) I implored them to paint circus posters a la Mirette on the High Wire, parade down the street like the Ox-Cart Man, boastfully sell their "Best in the 5 cent World Salsa" cum Slappy Hooper and countless other activities from my favorite curriculum ever, Five in a Row. Mixing literature and life is a passion.


No surprise, I want to celebrate my 100th post! It marks a milestone; a critical mass of writing for what I hope will be a "blook" one day. I am half tempted to have a party with friends who would sort 100 blocks with me into batches of 10, do 100 sit-ups, drink lemonade with 100 ice cubes and 100 cherries, or some such thematic antic the likes of which Miss Bindergarten and I dream at night.

My kids are growing up though and if I expect them to ban the baby stuff, then so must I. Convinced by my old friend and new Doctor of Divinity, Kathy Dwyer, I decided to mark the occasion with a new Autism Unplugged banner! I'll thank my biggest supporter (and husband) 100 times for designing it and knowing html. And, in hopes of getting 100 responses, I'm announcing an Essay Contest tomorrow!

Celebrating serves an important function. I learned this in the educational realm at a Brain Gym conference years ago. They refer to it as "anchoring a skill;" maybe the Biblical term is "putting a marker" or an ebenezer here. Whatever you call it and however you do it, by all means celebrate! Naming the accomplishment or significant progress in any area of development has the power to reinforce and ensure that it happens again.

When Reid mastered riding a 2-wheeler bike (at age 10), we went out to dinner and cheered. When Allie wanted to be baptized, we designed invitations and engraved frames. For our 10th anniversary we went to Kauai. For our 20th, we went to Vegas (don't ask). When The Kingsmen had a successful gig, we threw a karaoke party.

Anchoring the Brain Gym way is like hitting a reset button in the brain and body. It can raise the bar on expectations and set a new threshold. Marking even minor steps in the right direction are cause for celebration: going a week without caffeine; selling 1 of the 100 rummage items in the garage; making a dreaded appointment with a doctor; speaking up in class.


Two years ago on Mother's Day's, Jim presented me with my first Apple MacBook on a wing and a prayer that I'd use it. Second only to the cross-country skis he gave me when we were newlyweds, this has been my favorite gift from him. It represented his belief in me and came with a hopeful expectation for my future. It was as much a vote of confidence as anything. By giving me a laptop, Jim was seeing in me a writer and calling out a future vocation. He was also giving me a nudge.

I have found a voice, entered a discipline of writing, and am plodding toward my end goal of having a book length story to tell. The unexpected perk, which actually Jim predicted too, is connecting with a new group of blogging buddies who span the world yet know no boundaries. Friends you can look up at all hours of the night to gab on topics not often broached in my regular social circle. Worth celebrating? I say so and I say now.


What new skill can you anchor at your house? How will you celebrate?

Let me know in a comment.


So Jacob rose early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head and set it up as a pillar and poured oil on its top. Genesis 28:18


Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far the LORD has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:10-12

Oh the Places You'll GO!

This family has gone over the hills and far away, to love their son and come to a place of accepting who he is even if it means embracing autism. Many phrases come to mind, "Whatever it takes," "what we'll do for love," and the one I hear recurrently from well-meaning friends, "I don't know how you do it." There were days, many moons ago, that honestly, I didn't quite know how I was doing it either. But what the Bible says is true, God's grace is sufficient, and we do.

So go with me here, if the strength to do what God calls each of us to do--be it autism or any other life circumstance--is not our own but His, then it doesn't matter who we are, but whose we are. If we are drawing from the same source, then any one of us could do it if we had to. Which is now my standard reply to that comment, "You'd be surprised what you can if God calls you to it." God's immeasurable grace and riches are of infinite supply. Many of us parenting autism, find new reserves of energy, creativity, stamina, and patience because God has allowed autism in our lives. What's so bad about that?

I do not wish to perpetuate the myth that these far flung adventures have any credence or magic power in and of themselves. Whether swimming with dolphins, racing with horses, or listening ad infinitum with headphones, I think the true value is in the journey not the destination. The journey for the parents is one of learning to relate differently and to accept (not change) their child. The parallel journey for the child is to discover who they are and where they fit in the world and how to trust. Having to go to greater lengths to do this with children on the spectrum, many parents demonstrate over and over again that love is the greatest motivator.

Is there a more powerful example than the cross? For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him would have eternal life. The Easter message is one of sacrificial love. Jesus, who is love, was motivated to go where no man has gone--literally to hell and back--to save you and me from a fate worse than autism.

When we do anything resembling that, whether by affording some outrageous therapy, homeshooling 'til we don't recognize ourself in the mirror, or driving illogical distances to a qualified therapist, we are following Christ, sharing in his suffering, and becoming more like Him. Go ahead and spill yourself out for someone you love; you're in good company even if the world doesn't understand.

The book, The Horse Boy was released April 14th. The British family is described here in an article in the Telegraph and the trailer of the subsequent movie as well as the movie website here. Their journey makes a fascinating story. Admirably, the family has taken the proceeds of the book and started The Horse Boy Foundation and ranch outside of Austin. If you go there, know that you take your own therapists, your own child, and do your own thing with their horses and premises. They don't have a magic bullet or even much staff; you must come to your own terms with God's own will for your own life and family. No one can do that for you.

Don't all run off to Siberia or Austin, but do lend an ear to your child's unique pulse today and tune in to how God is calling you to love.


Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:6-8


There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:17-19


As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1-3


The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-25

Who you gonna call?

The pack's all back! Even Benny our faithful mutt has a grin on his face. It just feels right to have Jim home after a 2 week absence. As we finished our GF waffles this morning, he and I got sucked into Facebook catching up on a new batch of our high school chums. Picture us in the zone, eyes squinting, fully absorbed in the glow of the screen. All of a sudden, Reid cried out in uncharacteristic maturity, "Mom, what are you doing?!" I looked up to see smoke billowing out from the sauce pan of maple syrup I'd left on the gas stove.

"Yikes! Good call, Reider." "You did the right thing to tell me." "You know what they say, where there's smoke there's fire." "That could have been dangerous." Reinforce, reinforce, reinforce. I did I tell you as I airlifted the blackened pot outside to the brick patio and instructed Reid to turn on the fan (whose noise he hates unless he flips the switch himself).


Are there any stranger events to celebrate, than the ones in which we rejoice? This was a good omen for future independent living ability; a sign of higher executive function; a reason to celebrate. I remember my similar elation the first time Reid got spooked to be separated from me at Target and called out, "Mom, where are you!" This morning marked a milestone. Who cares about the pot?

Several years ago Jim fell off a ladder while pruning trees. He was home alone with Reid at the time since Allie and I were walking the dog around the block. More alarming than getting the wind knocked out of him was the realization that Reid had not noticed his injury. Danger Will Robinson. Many times since we've wondered how to explain an emergency to Reid. Asked ourselves: does he know to get help? Could he describe what happened? Have we taught him about 911? All those "life skills" topics that aren't probably covered at school and don't arise often enough for repetitive teaching. Those critical skills required for independent adulthood.

After all the praise for doing the right thing this morning, Reid puffed out his adolescent chest and added, "we should call a plumber." Doh! Back to the curriculum to review those community helpers. It's all so confusing....police, firemen, AAA, plumbers. Who can keep it all straight?


Watch! Be alert! For you don't know when the time is [coming]. Mark 13:32-34

After the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was a voice, a soft whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-13

Yet I call this to mind, and therefore I have hope: [Because of] the LORD's faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. Lamentations 3:20-22

Hide or See?

It's the morning after...World Autism Awareness Day. Yesterday, I was betwixt and beholden to post something, anything....but not knowing quite what?

I actually struggled all week with procrastination. My husband's absence on a two week surfari and several extra writing projects (Form 1023 for a 501 C3, brochure copy, and website for Banding Together) have combined to erect a sizable writer's blockade in my mind. My expressive language may be delayed but the receptive is graciously intact; I am still reading my RSS feed! Listening to this talk by Jess Wilson's at the Greater Hartford Autism Speaks Walk Kickoff released the floodgates for me:




So, I pray this morning after and all month (since April is Autism Awareness Month), that people will take that momentous first step and be more aware. As Jess says, "awareness is not the end goal but the first step." Like a parent witnessing a toddler take her first wobbly steps, I audibly gasped to open a post yesterday on the Living Proof Ministry blog. To my surprised delight, Beth Moore, the mega-Bible teacher, acknowledged World Autism Awareness Day by sharing the testimony of a mom and a call for prayers in the comment field for others experiencing autism. I love it when worlds collide like that and I hear about autism (my one planet) in an evangelical faith blog (my other zone) or in my husband's surfing environmentalism sphere. Truly, that cross pollination is evidence of growing awareness.

I spoke a couple weeks ago to the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group that meets at our church. The topic they gave me was "Raising a Special Needs Child." Knowing there'd only be a few in the audience who'd consider themselves in that category (in those tender years), I tried to generalize my points to make them more widely applicable. At the outset, I asked for a show of hands, "how many of you know a child with autism...be it neighbor, cousin, nephew, or classmate?" I was stunned when 80% of the hands went up. Had I known, I might have prepared differently and shared our story with an emphasis on "ways to help a child with autism." Next time:)

As Jess Wilson mentions, this is why we tell our stories, it is why we blog, and why we don't hide in our houses. Our transparency and willingness to be vulnerable in our own circles of influence, are how awareness happens. If the world is ever going to be a hospitable place for our kids to live independently, we need to educate. If awareness is the first step, then the ultimate goal is full inclusion.

I've been convicted lately within our church of ways that I have chosen to cop out and take the easier path of hiding, rather than doing the instruction that must precede inclusion. We practice our own avoidance strategies don't we? First for survival, and then out of habit. For example, my family has not been to an All Church Retreat in 11 years. Reid has not been included with his same age peers in Sunday school since 3rd grade. At that point it seemed easier to keep him with us in the sanctuary, under the shelter of our wings, so to speak. To side-step the unstructured, choatic coffee hour, we've taken the liberty of letting him watch a video in an empty upper room. Not too many people are "aware" of this arrangement; Reid is truly out of sight out of mind, for them.

Granted, it is emotionally draining to be exposed all the time. And educators have a high burn out rate. Lately though I am feeling that in our family, we've reached a tipping point where our "hiding" is doing a disservice to Reid and to others. In the name of self-preservation, I have robbed our friends and community of powerful, life-changing interactions that God may have intended for their personal growth.

Biblically speaking, my son (and everyone of us) is indispensable to the body of Christ. For a time-- in my exhaustion, isolation, and vulnerability to the Enemy--I bought the lie that it was selfish for me to ask for extra staff, a buddy, or modifications in order for Reid to participate in church events. I am beginning to see that without realizing it, I may have denied others the opportunity "to receive the gift of Reid" in the words of our senior high youth director. The truth is: it is actually prideful of me to take care of it myself.

It's the morning after...what have you learned?



The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. 1 Corinthians 12:21-23


God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 2 Samuel 22:20-22 and Psalm 18:19-21 The Message


So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. " I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. John 13:15-17

Eagles and zebras and bees

This clever video from Raising Small Souls is telling as it uses the animal kingdom to craft an analogy of different strengths and learning styles in the natural world. Which would be you? The duck, the eagle, or the squirrel? In our competitive, standardized world, it is a needful reminder to prize our individuality. Teach to the strength; remediate the weakness. But whatever you do: don't forfeit the uniqueness.

Doesn't it blow your mind anew to see how many different species God created with each of their own adaptations to environment. Their incredible "accomplishments" come instinctively when they're allowed to be who He made them to be.

A doggeared book my kids still love offers a related metaphor. In The Treasure Tree, John Trent and Gary Smalley use personification to teach kids the four basic personality types. The lion, otter, beaver and retriever learn to work together employing each other's strengths to overcome challenges and find life's treasure. Amazingly, even as 5 year olds, both my kids immediately and accurately identified their role in the family. And pegged each of us, "Dad, you're Lance the lion!"


He watches over His nest like an eagle and hovers over His young; He spreads His wings, catches him, and lifts him up on His pinions. Deuteronomy 32:10-12


The doorkeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. John 10:2-4


Even a sparrow finds a home,
and a swallow, a nest for herself
where she places her young—
near Your altars, LORD of Hosts,
my King and my God. How happy are those who reside in Your house,
who praise You continually. Psalm 84:3-4

Myrrh Toothpaste and Gold Fillings: A Moriarty Christmas

My mom was a 2nd grade teacher throughout my childhood. She was adamant that anything entering our home be educational. We were not big consumers anyway, but at her insistence, we learned to value books and board games over electronics, "record albums," and most of what Target now sells. Between her legacy, years of home schooling and a veritable degree in autism training, I have developed a similar tendency to seek out games and toys that either strengthen social skills, improve proprioception, stimulate sequencing and reading comprehension, desensitize tactile aversion, or something.

Any purchase must pass through multiple filters. First, I must be able to justify it educationally. Then it must pass Reid's tough standards of being engaging and more entertaining than what he can conjure in his head. While Allie is our barometer on what is cool, pure fun or popularity is way down the list in my decision-making process. Instead, we evaluate based on whether the activity is visually motivating, offers concrete literal explanations, strengthens social skills, requires turn taking or develops critical thinking. We are loosening up now, but there was a time I purchased gifts based on how many IEP goals they addressed. I may have reached a compulsive level, you decide.

Our cupboards and closets are filled with specialized products from stores like The Therapy Shoppe, SuperDuper Publications and Timberdoodle. They are far superior actually, but not always kid pleasers on Christmas morning. In Christmases past, our living room has looked more like moving day at a Speech/OT clinic than any child's dream come true. The Mind Your Manners board game went over like a lead balloon. Allie rolls her eyes recalling a time Reid sent me to Toys R Us to pick up a specific TeleTubbies video he'd earned (by behaving appropriately at the grueling all day Saturday CYT rehearsals). Unfortunately for him, it was out of stock so I made an alternate selection: Mister Rogers' What Do You Do With the Mad that You Feel. Poor Reid, when I gave it to him he was too stunned to cry.

So it is, this Christmas, that I search for ways to make the Biblical reason for the season come to life in a concrete way in our home. Not with more stuff but with traditions and props that entertain while they educate about the historically significance of Christmas and the spiritual wonder. We are each giving 3 gifts to each other this year, dramatizing the three wise men who came bearing gifts to worship baby Jesus, the newborn King. You remember what they were: gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Guess what I found at Trader Joe's? Myrrh toothpaste! Actually, it is myrrh, fennel, propolis toothpaste from Tom's. Wow, that is the perfect stocking stuffer or what? It meets all my criteria, with a hygiene component to boot. And it's gluten free so if the kids don't comply, Jim can use it! I bought a case. (Kidding:)) Allie was with me in the store. We ran across it as I granted her request for her own tube of toothpaste. "How bout this one? for Christmas!" I said in my glee at the discovery. "That's totally disgusting!!" she scoffed. Now, to show you how self-aware I am, I replied with a straight face, tongue in cheek, "What part don't you like--the propolis, the fennel or the myrrh?" At which, we both cracked up laughing. I did buy the stuff but, she is holding out for her own tube of Crest.


Jim is wondering if we're trying to secretly embalm him since we learned that myrrh was used to prepare bodies for burial in Jesus' day. The myrrh actually foreshadowed Jesus' death on the cross reminding us that He came with the expressed purpose of dying for us. Try that on for an attitude adjustment each morning and night at the mirror. These object lessons are as much for us as for the kids. Apparently Reid is not the only one in the house who takes things literally.

So yesterday I was at Jimbo's, our local whole foods grocery, and what to my wondering eyes did appear? But two bottles of aromatherapy oil in scents oh so dear! I sprung for the cheaper ones mixed with jojoba oil and now have an olfactory link to the ancient stable. Aura Cacia has got my number. They offer this object lesson-in-a-bottle with no seasonal marketing or fanfare just there for the taking, for those with eyes to see. They categorize the frankincense as "Sanctifying" and the myrrh as "Comforting" on the labels. I am using a few drops of it--in my car diffuser and lamp ring--to stimulate my Advent meditation before it gets popped into a stocking late Christmas Eve. It reminds me what the Bible says about our prayers reaching heaven like sweet incense and that we are the aroma of Christ to those around us. If you were a scent, which one would you be?

Gold, I thought would be easy. Although since Allie and I prefer silver, I am not going for the obvious jewelry choice. I am actually still on the hunt for a gold incense box or bauble to put the toothpaste in? Or not. Perhaps at Whole Foods I can find some gold leaf sprinkles for the Nativity gingerbread cookies we make next week when there is NO SCHOOL! I'll keep you posted. Gotta go find gold that is fit for a king, The King of Kings.



On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Matthew 2:10-12


Then they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it. Mark 15:22-24


These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 1 Peter 1:6-8



Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder. Teach them to your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Deuteronomy 11:17-19 The Message

photo credit: www.eslpod.com/.../page/2/, i.dailymail.co.uk

Children Do What We Do--to Siblings

I have a fuzzy but distinct recollection of a print in my house growing up of Children Learn What the Live not unlike the one pictured here. I associate it with my mom who was a teacher and with the values she upheld in our household. I don't know what ever became of that poster but apparently the original poem was written in 1954 by Dorothy Law Nolte and was later made into an entire book about parenting and imparting values. At first glance it may seem hokey, but whatever your aesthetic, there is undeniable truth in the verse.

Children of all ages do learn more from what we do as parents than from what we ever say. It is not coincidence that many of the parents blogging about autism from a positive, accepting perspective have children who in turn, are learning and articulating gratitude and acceptance of their siblings. Here are two examples.

S.L. at Stop Think Autism uses a subtitle I love: "Having autism is not the end of the world...far from it." Her older child made a lucky clover at school and filled in the blank that she was "lucky to have.... a sister with autism." Her post embellishes how it really is possible to have healthy siblings in the same household with our kids on the spectrum. What's impossible is to "sell it too well" as her husband jokes about promoting autism as part of their unique family culture.

We bought that very same book she references, My Friend Has Autism, and gave them out as favors at Reid's 7th birthday party for our friends to read. My feeling was always that the more family friends who embraced our entire family, the better off we'd all be. That meant less embarrassment for my daughter, more informed playmates for my son, and more adults to support my daughter in awkward situations. These were sure to arise since we were spending lots of time homeschooling and going on fieldtrips with these families. I really needed them to back me up and bolster my intentional attitude at that point.

Estee at Joy of Autism (which is a great title I wish I could claim!) shares an essay written by her 16 year old son in gratitude for his little brother who has autism. Among the same homeschooling families we saw so often when the kids were 7ish,

were some slightly older, typically developing peers who would come over for facilitated playdates with Reid every week. Using Pamela Wolfberg's Integrated Playgroups model, they were modeling social skills, turn taking, eye contact, and the pure pleasure of play. Looking back with 7 years of hindsight, there is no question those "expert players" who were willing or whose moms made them participate, learned more than Reid did.

One of them recently graduated from high school--now a big, strapping football player. In a senior essay he reflected about what he'd learned from helping Reid over the course of 2 years. He was the oldest in a family of four and set the pace for his next oldest sister and brother to move into roles of regular weekly playdates with Reid. The youngest in that family never got his turn, as Reid moved into an all day school setting. But, little Carson used to ask, "when do I get to play with Reid?" Caring, encouragement, praise, acceptance and tolerance (see the poem) were what those kids were living! Those were esteemed values in the Ward family...and left a legacy of confidence, appreciation, love, and patience in our hearts as well as theirs.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:16-18


Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:18-20


Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-3

photo credit: farm4.static.flickr.com, oasisinternationalchurch.com, img.photobucket.com

Where There's a Will, There's a Way...to College

Joining the ranks of college graduates this past June was Erik Weber. With the vision, determination, and support of his mother, Sandy, Erik made a way for himself at Grossmont College in San Diego. In his own pace and with some accommodations, he did it! Worth celebrating ! And repeating! Read all about it here.

His success story strikes a familiar chord in three aspects I notice consistently: 1. his mother's never-say-never, find-a-way attitude; 2. Erik's acceptance of gradual and steady progress; and 3. their capitalizing on his special interests.

In a related post, Bev at Asperger Square 8 points to an article by a caring and perceptive college professor about his experience with a student named Fred. Quickly, Stephen Yoder comes to realize that Fred must have Aspergers. It is another great success story, albeit fragile. At the end of the piece he offers a list of lessons learned about Fred and another list about the teacher, including this:

If the incidence of autism is indeed rising, all college teachers might need to learn to make adjustments for these students, who undoubtedly will seek higher education.

How true! Who do you think learned more that semester, Fred or Mr. Yoder?

I have often said that Reid is a great teacher, meaning that he is such a demanding, complicated, (yet undeniably smart) kid that anyone in the position of teaching him learns more from him than they could in any degree program, continuing ed seminar, or years of experience. All rolled into one irresistible ball of fire, he can teach anyone willing to learn the importance of being honest, following through, doing what you say, maintaining instructional control, attention to detail, organizing classroom materials, planning ahead, being flexible, differential reinforcement, you name it.

One of our early, home-program therapists recognized how much Reid had taught her. Wanting to accelerate the learning curve of her new recruits, she donated session time to us so that Reid could develop and break-in her employees. "Iron sharpens iron"(as the Bible says in Proverbs 27:17) and she counted on Reid's mettle to sharpen the skills of her staff. We took her up on the offer!


The teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true. Ecclesiastes 12:9-11

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:7-9

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-20

photo credit: www.hs.wisd.org