Breakdown--Not!

Nancy, beloved bus aide, often has a story. Reid is the last drop off for them in the heat of the afternoon so depending on the length of the tale, Elvira sometimes turns the engine off. Especially on Fridays, it's like gathering at the water cooler with them or Miller time, depending on your prerogative.

This afternooon's report was good. Apparently, the bus broke down in the morning. Never fun, you can only imagine how that unplanned variable could unnerve a busload of half a dozen kids with developmental disabilities. With their various needs, one common denominator is the need for predictability and structure. Nobody does unexpected change well, especially at the end of the week.

Nancy was excited though, "Oh, I've gotta tell you...this morning...the coolest thing! Reid was great."

The bus petered out . . . Elvira's foot to the floor still wouldn't accelerate it. Losing power, she edged to the side of the road registering a mechanical failure. At that point, "Reid stood up with both hands outstretched and declared, 'Remain calm everyone." And they did. Some filed out to play with a neighborly dog. Reid remained in the vehicle (that in itself is a marker). A new bus arrived in due time and off they went for a good day at school, albeit tardy.

Nancy didn't know the British origin of that phrase or that it's been my mantra during times of domestic meltdown for years. Here it hangs in our upstairs hall:

Today, the first day of April, this sounds like victory to me. Not only was Reid able to hold it together and be calm, he also had the composure and authority to pass along his mastery to others. That's a move from surviving to thriving.

My goal used to be keep calm and carry on in the face of chaos. I'm shifting. Now I need to keep calm and carry on rather than leap for joy in elation and awe at the transformation God is bringing about before my eyes.

So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. 2 Timothy 2:2 The Message

See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42:8-10

But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. 1 Corinthians 10:22-24

Grateful for Surround Sound

Every single morning these ladies bless me: Elvira and Nancy, bus drivers extraordinaire. Long time readers will remember God's grace and provision in the first bus drivers I ever trusted. Same Nancy, new sidekick. She has circulated back to our route and brought Elvira along to harmonize.

What is it about these two? They may not win any awards for the song writing jingle, but they make my day! Everyday. Full of love, they spill it all over Reid with this customized cheer when he boards the bus. It began as a reward for being ready and waiting "on the step" at 6:55am. Honestly, now I think they do it whether he's late or not. What is it about Reid? He brings out the best in people.

These ladies go above and beyond driving safely. They drive sweetly. Now that the ready-on-time goal has been 90% accomplished, they are onto a wave-to-mom maneuver. She actually honked at me last week when I missed my cue. (It takes two, ya' know.) After my end of the waving ritual is complete with my blessing spoken outloud, I shut the door to peace and quiet knowing my guy is in good hands. I breathe easy knowing they genuinely care. Daily, they give me that gift of peace of mind.

Love my son, love me. Is it not true for all parents? The quickest way to our hearts is to show authentic, pure, agape love toward our offspring. Don't give me a thing; you don't even have to give me the time of day. Just invest in my kid and you've won me for life.

Churches know this; thriving children's ministry is the key to growing a congregation. A ministry I admire, Southeast Asia Prayer Center takes it to the mountains and disciples whole villages in Tibet after giving heart surgery to kids.

Afterall, it's the heart of God the Father. He says, love my one and only Son, Jesus, and you love me. He wants nothing more.

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:5-7

Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. John 14:22-24

Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” John 14:20-22

Summer Shorts 3

I recall our fabulous Team Manager, Danielle Thorp, who lead me through the early years when Reid had a home program and our front door was revolving. In one of our many heart to hearts, she challenged me to think of what autistic tendencies I had. If autism is a spectrum (and it is) then we are all on it--somewhere between "normal" and "severe." Well, after not too much thought and her sharing an obsession she has of counting door hinge sections when bored or anxious, I came up with a lifelong oddizm that does indeed put me somewhere on that invisible line. I count, divide, and otherwise group vowels and consonants into patterns. This may be hard to explain and not worth the effort. When driving on long road trips or sitting through boring sermons, I will take lines of text from a billboard, street sign, or program and get to work. I love it when my little division compulsion comes out even--in other words, the pattern of vowel/vowel/consonant, vvc, vvc, vvc, is the same with no remainders in an entire phrase. So, have me committed, or not.

When my mom read A Slant of Sun by Beth Kephart, her first comment was, "you know I am a lot like that." She went on to buy a dozen copies of that book and distribute them to family. To me she expressedd, "now I understand why you don't answer the phone anymore." The beginning of compassion and tolerance is to be able to identify with another.

Reid has some idiosyncracies and behaviors which tell us when he is stressed. Most recently, chewing his shirts to absolute shreds alerted us to trouble on the bus. Behavior always communicates; we just sometimes need help in translation. I also notice that his head rocking behavior serves a purpose for him. He used it productively to memorize his baptism song in one sitting. I hadn't seen his head shake back an forth in a distinctive rotation in a long time, so it stood out to me as functional for him. I could practically hear the rumbling of gears shifting as he effectively switched on some section of his brain.

What about you...how do you seek order, obsess, or self calm?

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:6-8

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Hebrews 4:15

He's Gotcha Covered

Remember that scene from Sophie's Choice? Putting Reid on a school bus for the first time recently felt like selling him into slavery?  Maybe it's because mine are twins and I often feel like I'm always choosing one child over the other in a win/lose scenario. Maybe it's because we adopted them and I am overcompensating on a personal vow to never impose rejection on them.  Maybe it's because Reid has autism and I am practiced at hypervigilance. Maybe it's because I rode a bus to school when I was a kid and (even though I was verbal) didn't tell my mom all that happened on it. Maybe its because we homeschooled for years and I consider constant surveillance the norm. 

Whatever and however many the reasons, I just now (Reid is 13) had that quintessential experience of motherhood: waving to him from the curb having entrusted my child to that gape-mouthed orange whale, the school bus. 

This seemed an economical decision.  I had been driving a 40-mile round trip to his school twice a day.  As I put the wheels in motion, I kept my options open saying maybe he'd just ride one way to start.  I rationalized that he would mature from it.  I prayed about which driver would be assigned and what other students would be on the route. "Lord, let me know if he's ready for this." The transportation department called and I asked many questions trying to give a not too scary description of what Reid might do in the process of becoming familiar with the bus riding routine (ie. visit another student's front door, change the driver's radio station, check other riders' ipods, check out the view from other seats). It became quickly apparent to her that perhaps we should have gotten approval for an aide to ride with him.  Not wanting to be greedy, I let her run it by the powers that be.  In short order, Reid's was switched to another route where an aide rode along with the driver.

 

The day arrives; Reid is stoked; he skips onto the bus in his characteristic exuberant fashion. That was easy? Ugh...wait...what do I do now? The not knowing, the emotion, the fear.... I sat in prayer until the time I knew he'd reached the destination point where I'd usually dropped him off.  Now what? I'd have to wait 8 hours to maybe hear or decipher how it went. I called my mom to commiserate; no answer. I called a soul sister friend; left a message. I broke down in tears. I began my Bible study. It's still only 8:30am. These two extra hours a day could just change my life!

The phone rings. It is the sweet bus driver, Sandy, calling to tell me what a nice young man Reid is and how happy they are to have him on their bus. He did a great job with the seat belt. She thought I'd want to know!  Oh boy, would I. As our conversation continued I learned all about her. She has a grandson with autism; her husband drives a bus at the local Christian school my daughter attends; she prays every morning with some other drivers before they leave the depot. 

Could Reid be in any better hands? Now I realize that riding this bus is a privilege I could not withhold from him. Wow! Could I have planned that? No amount of my orchestration, manipulation, worrying or control could have master minded that scenario.  All I could think was, "Thank you Lord."  He seemed to reply, "I gotcha covered." The Lord has got us covered with His glorious shield--you, me, and Reid. Sometimes we realize it and sometimes we don't. This time I did.

Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.  Proverbs 30:5

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Matthew 6:27

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:3-6

photo credit:  www.cleanairsys.com