Our Wonderful Father comforts us directly. He doesn't hire a counselor, delegate it to mom, or stand at a distance watching through a two-way mirror. He is hands on, demonstrative and effective.
Aware of my tendency to call a girlfriend, my husband or my mom before going to my Abba God, I began a new discipline awhile ago. Before I pick up the phone with a question or quandry, even to share exciting news, I stop myself. Instead, however quickly, I close my eyes and go to God first. I may still call the friend but I am noticing that I hear more from the Lord this way. And find a different, deeper satisfaction in Him.
This intimacy of "throwing myself headlong into His arms--celebrating His rescue" Psalm 13:5 doesn't come easily to someone who grew up without a Father. But it can be learned! Barry Adams Father's Heart materials are a great resource.
"No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first." Oswald Chambers
Likewise Beth Moore writes, "No one is more pleasurable to be around than a person who has had her cup filled by the Lord Jesus Christ."
For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is He who will save us. Isaiah 33:22
American Idol is on tonight! In addition to entertainment and joint focus for our family, it provides an apt illustration of this Scripture. Reid predicted Scotty McCreery as last year's winner and this year we're rooting for Joshua.
At first glance I did not link those 3 titles--judge, lawgiver, and king--with the concept of saving. Condemnation comes to mind before rescue. Certainly the three outline our judicial system and represent a triune God. But then I recalled how the American Idol judges graphically illustrate "the save." One save per season. Last year it was especially dramatic with Casey (click to view). We sit on pins and needles, braving the commercials, sweating each of Ryan Seacrest's fakes to see who will be cut each week. And then whether the judges will use their one save of the season or not.
The Bible is clear about God being judge. That's a relief! I don't have to concern myself with doling out criticism or seeing all sides of an issue. It's also clear on how to be saved.
Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:30-31
I feel for those American Idol contestants under the immense pressure of rejection. As each one gets cut, I pray they remember the difference between the judges and the Judge. It's easy to misplace our fear of the Lord. We will be inevitably defeated by the fear of man.
Not to put autism completely aside, we idolized our home program case manager. She was a godsend when Reid was 5 yrs. old. Her passion was to support families, especially moms in the early diagnosis stage. She was gifted at setting up a program, staffing, training, listening and walking alongside those in the midst of the initial panic and information gathering that marks that phase. I don't know how she put up with me--on the phone or my doorstep ranting and neurosing for hours on end.
She shared with me once that as much as she loved it, there was a pitfall. Emotionally desperate moms (myself included) tended to set her up as a "savior." She arrived on the scene with answers and seemed able to save their child from certain demise. This was a danger for her, since she knew that was not true. And also for them, since she was not omniscient, omnipotent, nor Savior. She could help, but she could not save even one of them.
Having made this mistake in degrees with others after her, I have finally learned that no therapist, drug, diet, or intervention can save Reid. God, the God who designed our sense of smell, heals sensory integration disorder. God, the one who knows our every thought, knows the mind of a even the nonverbal child with autism. No expert, no matter how expensive or experienced, can direct us as well as God can through His Holy Spirit. Don't give them the power that is God's alone, to save....from autism or any other human condition, including death itself.
The insanely good news is that Jesus has more than one save per season!! He came to save us all.
‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'Acts 2:20-22
Today Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide calendar prompts us to pray for Teacher, Aides and Therapists (we've known a few) with this verse:
But as for you, be strong do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7
work for... reward.... Those are loaded words at my house!
Trained as we are in the ways of the autism world, I can't read them without picturing a PECS chart of possible motivators. "What will we work for today, Reid?" A video, piece of gum, or student choice....
From a tender age the premise can be established: tit for tat. You do what I want then, I'll give you what you want. It can quickly become a way of life.
After pooping on the seat or emptying the silverware, Reid's been known to shout, "That deserves a movie payoff!" And so his artful negotiation developed. Here's how ridiculous it can seem:
"You want me to do what? Three chores in a row? Compost, garbage cans, and silverware? What's it worth to you? Can we go to Target?
From the earliest days of our journey, this thinking smacked of no good to me. Oh! not that it doesn't work. It does...in the short term. Yet, isn't there more to parenting than compliance? Don't we want children for more than transactional accomplishments? Where is the love?
Given the choices we had (and have) as consumers in the autism market (which is a growth industry), I searched for what would be the right choice. Applied Behavioral Analysis or Floortime seemed the prevailing options at that time. The Bible doesn't give specific direction about autism intervention and the myriad of therapy choices, anymore than it does about spanking, but seeking the Holy Spirit, we have to glean what we can from related verses. And consider the character of God.
He didn't create people just to get the garden of Eden weeded. He wanted company walking in the cool of the day!
Early on in our journey, we visited Dr. Serena Weider in DC and pursued Floortime with a vengeance. This antithesis to ABA was revolutionary at the time. School districts wouldn't, claim they couldn't, do it. Therapists would only do it in a hybrid approach along with the more scientifically proven behavioral theory. To me, it answered the cliche WWJD question? If He were the parent of a kid with autism, what would Jesus do? Floortime is a vivid picture of what Jesus did (and does) with each of us.
He got down on our level, became flesh no less, to engage with us, entering into our humdrum lives even following our lead as Floortime instructs. He meets us at the well drawing water, or in the leper colony where we're stuck, or at the tax collecting table where we work...spinning tops or flipping lightswitches back and forth ad nauseum. Whatever holds our interest, he starts there and patiently uses it as a means to relationship with Him.
I can only think of one chart in Scripture: those Big 10 ground rules on the stone tablets. And when we broke them to shreds. He rewrote them knowing we couldn't keep them to the letter, anyway. He'd have to send His only Son, the only one who could. Yet he wouldn't send him to show off and go home with all the stickers. He sent Him as a servant to get down in the mud with us. It's by sticking with him, abiding in relationship that we learn how to really live. You see, He is the reward!
After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward. ” Genesis 15:1-3
Surely God in heaven wants to give us the reward of being with Him for eternity. He doesn't force, bribe or coerce us into choosing it though. He gives us free will to worship Him, lift our eyes to His gaze, enjoy His presence. Like the most compelling Floortime player you could imagine, Jesus lovingly persists and hounds us and keep things just beyond our grasp in hopes that we will want to engage intimately with Him. It's why He created us in the first place.
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:5-7
Today's prayer prompt on the Turning the Tide! April Calendar leads me to confession. I've fallen into a common trap set for strong women who are motivated by challenge. It's a deep hole that can trip you up at various points for long periods of time on the autism journey. Beware!
"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible
My mom taught me self-esteem through this scripture--or at least a portion of it. Whether it was my warped listening or her incongruent circumstances of being a single parent, I mostly heard the first part: you can do all things! Abruptly cropped there, the verse became a distorted lie and my head swelled past the healthy percentile. She had me convinced I could be president of the United States if I just put my mind to it. "Mind over matter" was inflated to more than mere axiom.
So, only mildly daunted by the impossibility of conception, I entered adoptive motherhood of twins confidently. I can do anything I set my mind to. I kept marching through early intervention and autism diagnosis, I can do this, watch me. My strong-willed self-talk escalated until it approached ugly fallacies like, "my love will make the difference" and "I know better than anyone" and "I don't need help, I'm fine." Floortime, 40-hr. week intervention, team meetings, PRT, Brain Highways, GF diets, homeschooling, bring it on. I was invincible--and deluded.
I shudder to think now, how great God allowed the demands to become before I would admit the truth, even to my own husband. The raw reality was clear to us both when I finally said, "You're right. I can't do this." I had long before started calling my own shots and was far off base from things God had asked. That's not self-esteem, it's not scriptural; it's sin straight up. I had agreed and perpetuated an ugly mess of pride, self-sufficiency, idolatry, unbelief and control. As each layer of wrong thinking is revealed, the Lord has graciously led me to repentance.
Repentance is my new best friend, for without it I'd still be mired down in that trap with no way out--still trying to do the impossible...alone...or with the added weights of shame and guilt.
Repentance is a powerful punch to the enemy of our souls that's actually deceptively simple. As I come across a verse--like the one today--that I've either misinterpreted, misconstrued or missed the mark in living out, I simply turn around from what's false and agree with the truth as laid out by my loving Father in heaven.
This is amazingly similar to what Reid does at school when he missteps on one of a myriad "School Rules." They call it "turning the day around." Maybe he left the area during morning meeting. He has a chat with one of the teachers to recognize the rule and hopefully choose to turn it around. No condemnation. No permanent penalty. Just returning to life as usual with new resolve to abide by whatever rule. Let's just reason together.
Whether in the natural realm with school rules or the spiritual realm with God's stated principles, freedom begins by recognizing we got something wrong. Then turning away from that, I can agree with truth and walking increasingly toward it. It's a process made habitual by individual small steps.
For example, as I read Philippians 4:13 and realize my flawed thinking, I pray something like this repenting and agreeing with Scripture:
Lord, forgive me for thinking I can do anything without you. I repent for giving ground to pride and selfishness and control. I repent for putting other people and things (idols) in the center of my life. Thank you for offering me Jesus' help. I want to operate in His strength and power which is far superior to my own. I ran myself ragged chasing solutions and doing a million things you never asked me to do. I am so sorry for listening to so many experts before my own husband, let alone You. It went awry like confetti following the law of gravity, when I made my own rules. I need your strength and power. Thank you for the help of Christ. Help me stay close enough to you to hear only what you are asking me to do.
"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, They will be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They will be like wool. Isaiah 1:18
Yikes, its April and we all know what that means. Even those without the diagnosis are thinking about autism. Admittedly, it feels a bit like St. Patrick's Day to me. I can feel the cynicism bubbling up like a briny bucket of corned beef and cabbage. As my husband says, (he has Irish citizenship mind you), "I don't have to wear green I'll be Irish tomorrow."
As soon as I clicked there this morning to see Ephesians 3:20--the verse on our adoption letter 17 years ago--I broke into song: "How can I keep from singing your praise?! How can I ever say enough? How amazing is your LOVE!!!"
A plan revealed itself. This year April 2012, I'd like testify to answered prayer! God is answering those prayers, daily, monthly, annually, through our lives. As we lift them up in trust, He is turning the tide. He is answering. Lest the stones cry out, I'd like to give testimony to the ways He is answering at our house. God keeps His promises in our autism-laced lives.
The Passover Seder is a ritual re-telling of how God delivered His people from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. At a certain point in the scripted object lesson, guests around the dinner table recite the specific things God did on their behalf followed by a hearty, "Dayenu!" proclaiming in Hebrew "that would have been enough!"
Two years ago in April 2010 I set out to post a prayer a day. Somewhere around the 10th, all hell broke loose in our house and we were thrown into a harrowing crisis I have yet to recount publicly. It came flooding back to me today marked as it was by coinciding with autism awareness month and this same prayer calendar. That seems a fitting place to start:
That you kept Reid out of a psych hospital...that would have been enough!
That you sent people two by two in prayer vigil with us....Dayenu!
That musicians came to soothe his spirit as he dried out from wrong meds...Dayenu!
That you assigned total strangers to pray for us in new ways.....that would have been enough!
That you parted IEP waters in a single stroke to allow a miraculous change of
schools....Dayenu!
That he is no longer in a pressure cooker of behavior mod and physical restraint but a nurturing community of redemptive grace....Dayenu!
That you replaced my worst fear with new faith...Dayenu!
That you showed me who you really are in the wee hours of the night......that would have been enough!
That you've kept my marriage together through years of stubborn neglect and thrashing.....Dayenu!
That you didn't just deliver Reid, but each of us in the process.....Dayenu!
That I am not the same...that would have been enough!
That my husband's heart is transformed.....Dayenu!
That Allie sees you're real...that would have been enough!
That the boy who I was once told might not write his name, went through 3 composition notebooks yesterday handwriting lists of his favorite things....Dayenu!
That Reid has a ministry to others...that would have been enough!
That you've given Allie more not less through these trials....Dayenu!
That you blessed us with two babies not just one...that would have been enough!
That we can call you Father by a spirit of adoption....Dayenu!
That you still show your glory through healing...that would have been enough!
That you communicate intimately with your people...Dayenu!
That You give us the very faith to believe there is yet more blessing in store....that is enough!
That you are good and your love endures...Dayenu!
Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more that we would ever dare to ask or even dream of--infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes." Ephesians 3:19-21 The Living Bible
Tuesday night Jim and I began a six-week Life Planning Project course offered locally by Home of Guiding Hands. Designed to get us on the same page proactively envisioning Reid's future as we age (ahem) and eventually exit planet earth.
Going around the table, each parent complied with the direction to give a trait they're most proud of and a personal motto as way of introduction. After we'd all taken turns the facilitator, herself a parent of a 19 year old on the spectrum, observed that we could spend the remainder of the evening debating the age old chicken and egg question. Did we develop those traits because of our child with special needs or were they given because we'd surely need them for the assignment?
I wrote "resourceful" on my sticky note but another mom shared "empathy" as hers. That uncanny ability to know what someone is thinking without them expressing it comes in handy when your kids are non-verbal! Jim commented when we first did our Strengthsfinder inventory, how perfectly that served me in Reid's younger days.
Whether God gave it for the job or I learned it from Reid, this verse hit me between the eyes this morning:
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24
The Lord God's empathy far surpasses mine or hers. His ability to do all things is the source of our ability to do anything. He is the author of empathy and every other positive character trait anyone could cite. Anything I can do He can do better. And...because he is so empathetic, he knows what I need before I even figure out how to ask for it. I just have to get out of His holy way. So I am stepping aside to let the Master have his way.
In the mood for a cheesy visual from the musical archives? Click here. They got their pronouns reversed in these lyrics from Annie Get your Gun. Reverse the pronouns and let it rattle around in your head today as a prayer to the Father, "Anything I can do YOU have done better..." make a sunset.... create a brain... design a salvation plan.... payback a double portion... color fruit... love your neighbor... pair up twins... allow that trial....
Am I the only mother with a shoebox labeled "Christmas Card Bloopers"? One day I swear I'll make an album of those. They tell more of the story than the staged ones that made it to print and got mailed.
I don't think it's a sick or twisted trait. We all long for truth. That longing in me wants to embrace the twin runny noses on the front porch of our Chicago house the year my toddlers hung on the icicled rail gazing west into the sunset. The truth those bloopers told was how much we all longed to go {back} west to the beaches of 72 and sunny San Diego.
Family portraits present the same dilemma. Do we dare tell the truth? Let alone frame it. We were in Nantucket last week and took the opportunity for a professional photo shoot. Jim took these from the sidelines. The truth is: we love to recycle, keep the beach clean and make music!
Certainly, I'm not the only one who prefers candids. But these are pushing it don't you think? We shall see what Cary Hazlegrove got. And then decide what to submit for the yearbook Senior Picture.
"Walk straight, act right, tell the truth. Psalm 15:1-3
Not so fast," said the king. "How many times have I made you promise under oath to tell me the truth and nothing but the truth?" 2 Chronicles 18:14-16
For God's Word is solid to the core; everything he makes is sound inside and out. He loves it when everything fits, when his world is in plumb-line true. Psalm 33:3-5
Reid came running off the bus as elated as his cheery bus drivers. He was in proud possession of another "Social Superstar award" from school. Waving it with shoulders back and a big wide grin made him seem 3 feet taller than when he'd left that morning. The thrill of victory!
It reminded me of the one he'd brought home last January. It's still on the bulletin board waiting to make the blog. It reads "Hygiene Social Superstar" which was ironic at the time. I imagine it may have been a one-time-only creation from the genius staff at Pioneer Day School.
What lies beneath the surface (but is not lost on me) is the fact that his nose was running heavily that week with a persistent cold. He hates to handle tissues, let alone use them to actually wipe his nose. The fact that they gave him the "hygiene" award that particular week, first made me laugh. Were they being sarcastic?! I could see the disgusting result of 7 hours of drip being wiped on the same shirtsleeve.
But really and truly, they live out the tagline on the Director's auto signature: "Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great." Mark Twain
To perceive, let alone treat people according to their potential is a mighty thing. They did not emphasize the mess, the inconvenience or the breach in sanitation mores. Instead they rewarded the progress toward mastery in personal hygiene. Maybe it was one swipe of a kleenex? or two squirts of anti-bac soap? I'll never know, but I appreciate it. Their intention heightened Reid's awareness of his own ability. Their belief was in a future eventuality.
It reminds me of how God the Father sees us through the blood of Christ. He doesn't see our sin or messed up lives. All that is cancelled by the cross. He sees us instead through Jesus--white as snow, forgiven, with a destiny as sons and daughters clothed in robes of righteousness, heirs to his inheritance. A mighty thing indeed!
God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. This is not only clear, but it's now—this is current history! God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness. Romans 3:25
God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! Romans 8:15-17
It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it...From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. Colossians 3:10
I must report a new noise around here. Accustomed to the after school din of Nick Jr., BluesClues intro or Between the Lions, I was shocked twice this week by the sound of silence. It's a beautiful thing. And I think it really is a sacred thing too.
Peace, at last. Hurrah! The addictive trait of zoning out to television has has been broken and is staying so.
Can anyone relate to the shock and dismay of this? Without my asking, Reid turned off the set and chose to get his homework, sit in concentration to complete it, and then simply sit and be. This concept of rest is unprecedented in his repetoire of recreational activities.
Once upon a time I (or a team of therapists) would structure his every waking moment and attempt to factor in some quiet in theory. In practice, this always took more of my time and energy and talking than it was really worth. Prompting and following through; reinforcing and praising.
Somewhere in the teens, I acquiesced to the age appropriate allowance of vegging on the couch after a long day of school and bailed on the hope of productive independence. I'm ashamed to admit, it's just easier and I've run out of steam.
But praises be! It is happening spontaneously before my very eyes. Again today, there was a reasonable amount of tv, then a bath, a rest period, then engagement with dad. No tv blaring, no pleading and negotiating.
"Be still and know that I am God," is an oft-quoted verse to slow our American 21st century pace. In my past reality, living with someone whose engine runs on constant high, it seems slightly unrealistic. Hyperactivity has a contagious aspect to it. It dictates that at least one other party is launched into a synchronized orbit. Like a tag team surveillance operation, Jim and I have developed a rhythm over the years of alternating being "on." Supervising, intervening, available and alert. This has been our norm for years. The house is rarely quiet. As one friend duly noted, its like the terrible two's but you haven't outgrown them. (At the time, I did not appreciate that.)
Even if I forcibly remove myself to the hammock in the backyard, a habitual hyper-vigilance cues me to the tv's buzz, the garage door creak, the stainless fridge door flashing open. "Just in case;" "you never know;" "better safe than sorry" reminders caption every quasi-meditational thought in my head. We are not accustomed to rest or stillness.
How does one who is never still begin to know God? Or develop intimacy with Him? It's easy to see how our hyperactivity--whether chosen or imposed--serves to separate us from hearing--knowing--experiencing God. If experiencing God happens in stillness, then how will it happen for the hyperactive child or parent? It is both a discipline and a skill.
What I'm realizing this month in gratitude is that the converse of that Scripture is also true: Knowing that I am God enables you to be still. As Jim and I acknowledge God on the throne in our home, knock other idols off the high places (yes, i mean tv), and take more of His Word literally, peace arrives. We can all be still, not because we changed anything in the physical--rules, rewards, or policies--but as a result of changes in the spiritual invisible realm.
The change is inexplicable and undeniable. But don't take my word for it, take God's.
Silence is praise to you, Zion-dwelling God, and also obedience. You hear the prayer in it all. Psalm 65:1 The Message
Quiet, everyone! Shh! Silence before God. Something's afoot in his holy house. He's on the move! Zechariah 2:12-13
"But oh! God is in his holy Temple! Quiet everyone—a holy silence. Listen!" Habakkuk 2:19-20
I can explain almost everything around here--no matter how odd. How did the trash can get in the living room? Why is the mail on the curb? What's that brown smear on the towel? Where is the scotch tape? Do we have any Parmesan? What time is...?
As moms who make a vocation of studying their spirited, strong-willed, challenging, indigo, otherwise unique children, I can nearly read Reid's mind. True confession: I take pride in that. It's second nature to surmise a motivation for almost any of his behaviors. I'm not saying I can control, extinguish, or modify them but, almost always I can hazard a good guess as to the method behind the madness. Small comfort, I know.
This baseball, Exhibit A, is an exception to the rule. I have no idea where it came from!
When I asked Reid, "what does it say?" he answered, "Babe Ruth." Obviously. You do the math (or spell check as it were)!
It is Reid's writing for certain. But I am clueless as to who, what, when, where or why it got autographed. What brought Babe to mind? Who explained the concept of signing to him? What precipitated the burst of appropriateness and synergy of understanding?
I silence the barrage of questions running through my mind in order to revel in the independence that it marks. He's achieved something I can't explain! I didn't witness it happening and I can't decipher its arrival. Good for him! And oddly, newly, surprisingly, gratefully, there is freedom in letting that be.
In my mind, the limited edition autographed baseball immediately became a tangible symbol of Reid's increased comprehension of the world. It's also a momento of the joy that is mine (did I say joy? not despair, fear or regret) when I relinquish the need to know every minutia of his daily life. Truth be told, it's really control fueled by pride and fear. Sayonara!
I just finished studying the tabernacle of God in Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart. This tent of meeting that the Israelites carried through the wilderness for 40 years was God's dwelling place with them. A minutia of detail surround its construction and every color and composition of thread used; every position of every piece of furniture and curtain in it has meaning. One could re-do that workbook 5 times and still be discovering. There is sooo much we don't know about the symbolism of Christ, about how to pray, about how the spiritual world works. Marvel in it! And let it be...for God to know and show you if and when He decides you need to know.
Wasn't this the fatal flaw of Eve in the Garden? Her driving motivation to gain "the knowledge of good and evil" was what the enemy held out to her as reason enough to break a simple, solitary rule established for her own good.
Like a maturing child learning that I actually can wait for Christmas morning without peeking at presents, I am learning from Reid, from autism, from the ever-loving, patient teacher, Lord, to trust and not know everything. I don't have--don't want--to have all the answers.
“Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?” Romans 11:33-35
God commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead." Genesis 2:15-17
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace... Ephesians 2:6-8
Reid has a keen eye for truth and excellent ears. As I clue into what fascinates him--be it a certain video clip or a song lyric--I find meaning. Either meaning that he has gleaned or a message he is attempting to communicate with those who will listen. Or both.
I am learning to interpret this more quickly and trust his "stims" as creative and intentional. Admittedly, it has taken me awhile. What can I say, I'm slow.
Over and over, I am reminded and convinced that "he gets it." Like yesterday in church, when he repeated the third sermon outline point to me as a command, "Stop doubting mom, and believe!"
He may appear tuned out in his own world but, in fact, he adeptly straddles two worlds as Lucy did Narnia and London. There are no coincidences. He is communicating truth in a unique way--both receiving and proclaiming it.
This day after Easter, may I present this explanation of the resurrection Reid-style?
(Click here for the video link if you're on Facebook.)
Distilling the gospel to its most elemental, it is a three part saga:
God created man to dwell with Him in Eden.
The serpent undermined His authority introducing sin.
Jesus came to be sin for us on the cross to reconcile us with God.
It wasn't until the jillionth time (I'm estimating) that this segment was rewound and replayed on our set, re-rented from the library and re-searched on Youtube, that I realized the beauty of it. Leave it to Reid to recognize truth "Between the Lions."
The celebration of Easter at its core is that we are re-people. Repentant, restored, reconciled, resurrected, rejoicing, reunited with our God. Happy Easter!!
I just finished Emily Colson's book, Dancing with Max. It is a terrific read disclosing her journey getting to know both her dad and her son all at once. Her faith and immense love--themselves gifts from God--are central themes enabling her to appreciate that her son with autism is a gift. Her masterful writing and disarming humor refresh the familiar story line of diagnosis to acceptance. I could particularly relate (as in, laugh outloud) to this excerpt:
Max had an appointment with a doctor who specialized in integrative medicine. He wasn't one of those crystal-worshiping, incense-burning practitioners, but a rather sophisticated doctor utilizing both alternative and conventional practices... He needed Max's treatment history, and of course, in the process, he would realize I was not neglectful crackhead parent, but a serious overachiever-type mom. The cross hanging around my neck would speak of my faith, my commitment, my clean lifestyle. I even found a way to tell him that I'd spoken at several area conferences, just in case he might need such a service. All those years as a graphic designer creating corporate identities taught me the power of communicating the right image. I pictured this doctor eventually inviting us into his home, telling me secret cures for autism, while he stood at his kitchen counter mixing Chinese mushroom powder into wheat grass. And he would realize that helping Max, the innocent child of a loving Christian and by-no-possible-fault-of-her-own single mother, was his life's mission.
"Does he have any language?" the doctor asked as Max sat silently outside the door.
"Oh, yes. It doesn't come easily, but he uses full sentences now," I answered.
He fired off a list of questions about sleep habits, diet, digestion, but kept coming back to the issue of language. "You said he does speak, is that correct? He's right outside my office door, and . . . I don't think I've heard him say anything."
"Yes, he's just very anxious here," I explained as if we were colleagues.
Our appointment was nearing an end, and I was pleased at the doctor's willingness to order numerous laboratory tests. "Could your son come in so that I could talk with him a bit? Would
he do that?" he asked.
"Maybe," I answered. "Max," I called as I looked into the hall. "Can you come sit with Mommy for a minute? Then we'll be all done and do something fun." Max stood up as if he always followed my requests and entered the examination room. The doctor greeted him, but Max brushed past his desk and stood silently at the window gazing out over the Cambridge neighborhood. "Good job Max," I proudly commended. "We're going to do something fun next."
And then it happened. My son must have a locator device implanted in his brain, because it only took him two seconds to see into a storefront window on the street below that obviously had commercial refrigerators. And with that motivation, my son spoke his first, and what would be his only, words for the doctor to hear.
"Mom, after this we can go to the liquor store."
Delighted at the prospect, Max walked out and sat beside my mother, who looks as much like an alcoholic as Mary Poppins.
The doctor's eyes shone on me like headlights. I was so busy being perfect that I forgot to laugh. The more I tried to explain, the worse it looked; he wasn't buying the whole refrigerator-obsession thing.
She has been there! I have been there. She has been where I have been! Thank you Lord that you do whatever it takes to free us from a spirit of pride.
It happens bit by bit--like becoming real. Reid, like Max, has taught his mom many things, not the least of which is to recognize embarrassment as the indicator light of pride. Having a son with absolutely no social inhibition continues to set me free from a fear of man.
Allie too. Just last week, she recalled sitting in a theater dying a thousand deaths because her brother was "so embarrassing." "What was he doing?" I'd forgotten. "Being overly happy," was her description. Is that such a crime? It's exactly what he does though. He expresses uncontainable joy so much so that it's socially unacceptable.
Even when he was a toddler, I found it hard to correct him for being too gleeful during library storytime, too excited to meet Mary Poppins at Disneyland, or euphoric when Souplantation had Barney bean salad (our term, not theirs) in the buffet smorgasbord. Gradually (unable to control or contain it), I've come to realize that it is more my problem than his. He embodies joy. That is a gift to those who receive it. And if it bothers someone on the way, that is their problem.
Now only a vestige of my pride remains. I recognize it in this clip of Reid cutting loose at a recent Banding Together coffeehouse concert. He's the one--the only one--on the dance floor doing aerial 360's. I am one feigning nonchalance in the black and white raincoat. Who's the woman dancing with him unabashedly? That is Malvina. Thank you Lord for friends who have more love than pride . . . who dole it out liberally all over everybody . . . who don't squelch his exuberance. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Isaiah 35:9-10
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:6-8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:7-9
Mercy me. I missed March 31st to post Miss Marcie!
Marcie Strandburg is a one of the few, the humble, the prayer warriors. She showed up when I advertised a Moms in Touch prayer circle for special needs moms several years ago. In order to appreciate how unique and faithful she is, you need to know I sent more than 100 email invitations!
She is a rare gem of a tender heart who really prays--alone, together, outloud, silently, by email, in her sleep. We have become closer friends since then and now serve together on several committees. Marcie is Prayer Captain for Young Life Capernaum San Diego. She heads up Aspirations, a monthly Asperger's support group at North Coast Calvary Chapel in Carlsbad. Her website is a great local resource. And--the Lord multiplies her time--she's been instrumental in hosting our next Concert of Prayer there too! Save the date: Saturday morning, May 21st!
You won't hear any of that on this podcast though, just her humble heart of love for the Lord and her son, Jacob. I love doing these because every time, I learn something new about one of my friends. Listen and love...
Nancy, beloved bus aide, often has a story. Reid is the last drop off for them in the heat of the afternoon so depending on the length of the tale, Elvira sometimes turns the engine off. Especially on Fridays, it's like gathering at the water cooler with them or Miller time, depending on your prerogative.
This afternooon's report was good. Apparently, the bus broke down in the morning. Never fun, you can only imagine how that unplanned variable could unnerve a busload of half a dozen kids with developmental disabilities. With their various needs, one common denominator is the need for predictability and structure. Nobody does unexpected change well, especially at the end of the week.
Nancy was excited though, "Oh, I've gotta tell you...this morning...the coolest thing! Reid was great."
The bus petered out . . . Elvira's foot to the floor still wouldn't accelerate it. Losing power, she edged to the side of the road registering a mechanical failure. At that point, "Reid stood up with both hands outstretched and declared, 'Remain calm everyone." And they did. Some filed out to play with a neighborly dog. Reid remained in the vehicle (that in itself is a marker). A new bus arrived in due time and off they went for a good day at school, albeit tardy.
Nancy didn't know the British origin of that phrase or that it's been my mantra during times of domestic meltdown for years. Here it hangs in our upstairs hall:
Today, the first day of April, this sounds like victory to me. Not only was Reid able to hold it together and be calm, he also had the composure and authority to pass along his mastery to others. That's a move from surviving to thriving.
My goal used to be keep calm and carry on in the face of chaos. I'm shifting. Now I need to keep calm and carry on rather than leap for joy in elation and awe at the transformation God is bringing about before my eyes.
So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. 2 Timothy 2:2 The Message
See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42:8-10
But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. 1 Corinthians 10:22-24
The puzzle piece icon has become an almost universal symbol for autism. Generally speaking, I steer away from it. I don't sport the ribbon pin, keychain, bumper sticker, or mindset--though these clogs did catch my eye.
Nevertheless, today is the day--April is the month--to get on the Autism Awareness band wagon. While I am changing my profile pic, screwing blue bulbs into my porch lights, and printing out my Turning the Tide prayer calendar today, I figured I would also search BibleGateway for what the God has to say about "puzzles."
"The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things." Jeremiah 17:8-10The Message
Read that verse again! The puzzles no one can figure out, are not secrets of darkness to Him. He has a strategy; He's not stumped; He's ordained our days.
He is not puzzled over this epidemic. He is up to something. Further, it is just not His way to hide things from us. He's just waiting like a desperate mom, for each of his children to make eye contact and call out His name.
The Light it Up Blue campaign is easy to scripturalize. As we seek to Shine a Light on Autism, let's call upon the God of Genesis who brought light itself into being with His words, "Let there be light." His Son, the light of the world, came from heaven to earth with a mission to cancel our sin, heal the blind, seek and save the lost. His Spirit communicates those secrets of darkness to us when we ask. According to both the book of Revelation and little Colton's account in Heaven is For Real, there is no darkness in heaven. God and Jesus literally light it up.
I am celebrating dramatic deliverance and freedom this month that we've experienced since last April, which was very dark. From that hellhole of pharmaceuticals, panic, and power failure, we have been rescued. It sounds like I'm preaching but really I am astonished--like Colton's parents--or the Israelites looking back at the Red Sea--that it is all real! Everything He says He does, when we do it His way: remove the idols, pray without ceasing, and submit to our husbands. He shines a light on autism, cancer, AIDS, and every other disease that puzzles us.
Are you getting on the band wagon this April? Ask the Lord what He would have you do. He is faithful to reveal it one piece at a time.
"Blessed be the name of God, forever and ever. He knows all, does all: He changes the seasons and guides history, He raises up kings and also brings them down, he provides both intelligence and discernment, He opens up the depths, tells secrets, sees in the dark--light spills out of him! Daniel 2:22 The Message
Suddenly, God, your light floods my path, God drives out the darkness. I smash the bands of marauders, I vault the high fences. What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every God-direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward him Makes it. 2 Samuel 22:28-30The Message
Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:18-20
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:5-7
I love the way God speaks a different message to me each year through the holy days of Passover, Easter, and Christmas. ...and how they are connected--a sort of spiral curriculum just for me. For years as a mother, I've identified with Mary "pondering these things in her heart." Rendered speechless for fear of misinterpreting or getting ahead of God is an all too familiar posture. Noodling on the bigger picture is my favorite pastime.
This December though, in the middle of our Many Moods Christmas concert, it struck me afresh. Mary had been told she'd give birth to the Messiah her people had been waiting on for centuries. The King who would deliver them from the evil reign of King Herod and others.
How would this helpless, homeless, human babe in her arms get from here to there? How much more would she and Joseph be responsible to prepare him? Was it presumptuous of her to even believe what the angel had said?
She'd been waiting 12 years, perhaps long enough to have tabled the promise, before she had any real evidence of it coming to fruition. By the time Jesus stayed behind at the temple, Mary might well have needed a reminder of who He was to become. It was not her first reflex when He turned up missing. Nor is it mine when Reid goes missing in Target or church or the Farmer's Market.
Sadly, I watched a mother from a podium recently recount the deficits and delays her teenage daughter had as a toddler. In front of her, the girl performed with a cheerleading squad from her public high school. Rather than relish the inclusion or celebrate her accomplishment, in essence this mother re-labeled the poor girl publicly. With tears and pity from her old wineskin, she mortified those of us listening on. Holding her daughter to an old diagnosis, she set a powerful example of what not-to-do.
I wanted to go tell the truth to that teenager of who she was in Christ; how God saw her in her potential; how He was completing the good work He'd begun in her. Hard to do at an autism fundraiser...where the sympathy vote seems to always win...but, then there is this blog...
Last December, Reid and I began reading this list of affirmations from God's Word every night at bedtime. And you know what, we are starting to believe them. It causes us both to act as if they are true. Some nights he picks 4, other nights I read a whole page; some nights he joins me in a hearty "Amen" after each one, other nights I oblige his, "don't do the 'amens.' Every night, I trust what God has done, is doing and will do to cause Reid "to grow in wisdom and favor and stature with God and with man," just like he did for His only begotten son, the baby Jesus.
Other variations of the list are here and here. Just pick your favorite.
There is reality and there is hope. Reality as I know it is constantly changing. Hope does not disappoint. I choose to believe even when I cannot see. For it is by our faith, that we are healed! God finishes what He begins; the baby in the stable became a Messiah who died for our sins and rose from the dead. Exactly as it is written. And He will return....as King of Kings.
The same God who planned that, can bring our kids on the spectrum to completion. Easter is coming my friends!
Let this song sink in. Let your faith arise...believe...agree with the Creator.
“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-25
...hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:4-6
Trained as we are in the ways of the autism world, I can't read them without picturing a PECS chart of possible motivators. "What will we work for today, Reid?" A video, piece of gum, or student choice.... 
She'd been waiting 12 years, perhaps long enough to have tabled the promise, before she had any real evidence of it coming to fruition. By the time Jesus stayed behind at the temple, Mary might well have needed a reminder of who He was to become. It was not her first reflex when He turned up missing. 
Other variations of the list are 
