Safe!

For the LORD is our judge, the LORD is our lawgiver, the LORD is our king; it is He who will save us. Isaiah 33:22

American Idol is on tonight! In addition to entertainment and joint focus for our family, it provides an apt illustration of this Scripture. Reid predicted Scotty McCreery as last year's winner and this year we're rooting for Joshua.

At first glance I did not link those 3 titles--judge, lawgiver, and king--with the concept of saving. Condemnation comes to mind before rescue. Certainly the three outline our judicial system and represent a triune God. But then I recalled how the American Idol judges graphically illustrate "the save." One save per season. Last year it was especially dramatic with Casey (click to view). We sit on pins and needles, braving the commercials, sweating each of Ryan Seacrest's fakes to see who will be cut each week. And then whether the judges will use their one save of the season or not.

The Bible is clear about God being judge. That's a relief! I don't have to concern myself with doling out criticism or seeing all sides of an issue. It's also clear on how to be saved.

Sirs, what must I do to be saved?" They said, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” Acts 16:30-31

I feel for those American Idol contestants under the immense pressure of rejection. As each one gets cut, I pray they remember the difference between the judges and the Judge. It's easy to misplace our fear of the Lord. We will be inevitably defeated by the fear of man.

Not to put autism completely aside, we idolized our home program case manager. She was a godsend when Reid was 5 yrs. old. Her passion was to support families, especially moms in the early diagnosis stage. She was gifted at setting up a program, staffing, training, listening and walking alongside those in the midst of the initial panic and information gathering that marks that phase. I don't know how she put up with me--on the phone or my doorstep ranting and neurosing for hours on end.

She shared with me once that as much as she loved it, there was a pitfall. Emotionally desperate moms (myself included) tended to set her up as a "savior." She arrived on the scene with answers and seemed able to save their child from certain demise. This was a danger for her, since she knew that was not true. And also for them, since she was not omniscient, omnipotent, nor Savior. She could help, but she could not save even one of them.

Having made this mistake in degrees with others after her, I have finally learned that no therapist, drug, diet, or intervention can save Reid. God, the God who designed our sense of smell, heals sensory integration disorder. God, the one who knows our every thought, knows the mind of a even the nonverbal child with autism. No expert, no matter how expensive or experienced, can direct us as well as God can through His Holy Spirit. Don't give them the power that is God's alone, to save....from autism or any other human condition, including death itself.

The insanely good news is that Jesus has more than one save per season!! He came to save us all.

‘Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' Acts 2:20-22

Correlated with Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide! Prayer calendar for April.

Repentance: my new best friend

Today's prayer prompt on the Turning the Tide! April Calendar leads me to confession. I've fallen into a common trap set for strong women who are motivated by challenge. It's a deep hole that can trip you up at various points for long periods of time on the autism journey. Beware!

"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible

My mom taught me self-esteem through this scripture--or at least a portion of it. Whether it was my warped listening or her incongruent circumstances of being a single parent, I mostly heard the first part: you can do all things! Abruptly cropped there, the verse became a distorted lie and my head swelled past the healthy percentile. She had me convinced I could be president of the United States if I just put my mind to it. "Mind over matter" was inflated to more than mere axiom.

So, only mildly daunted by the impossibility of conception, I entered adoptive motherhood of twins confidently. I can do anything I set my mind to. I kept marching through early intervention and autism diagnosis, I can do this, watch me. My strong-willed self-talk escalated until it approached ugly fallacies like, "my love will make the difference" and "I know better than anyone" and "I don't need help, I'm fine." Floortime, 40-hr. week intervention, team meetings, PRT, Brain Highways, GF diets, homeschooling, bring it on. I was invincible--and deluded.

I shudder to think now, how great God allowed the demands to become before I would admit the truth, even to my own husband. The raw reality was clear to us both when I finally said, "You're right. I can't do this." I had long before started calling my own shots and was far off base from things God had asked. That's not self-esteem, it's not scriptural; it's sin straight up. I had agreed and perpetuated an ugly mess of pride, self-sufficiency, idolatry, unbelief and control. As each layer of wrong thinking is revealed, the Lord has graciously led me to repentance.

Repentance is my new best friend, for without it I'd still be mired down in that trap with no way out--still trying to do the impossible...alone...or with the added weights of shame and guilt.

Repentance is a powerful punch to the enemy of our souls that's actually deceptively simple. As I come across a verse--like the one today--that I've either misinterpreted, misconstrued or missed the mark in living out, I simply turn around from what's false and agree with the truth as laid out by my loving Father in heaven.

This is amazingly similar to what Reid does at school when he missteps on one of a myriad "School Rules." They call it "turning the day around." Maybe he left the area during morning meeting. He has a chat with one of the teachers to recognize the rule and hopefully choose to turn it around. No condemnation. No permanent penalty. Just returning to life as usual with new resolve to abide by whatever rule. Let's just reason together.

Whether in the natural realm with school rules or the spiritual realm with God's stated principles, freedom begins by recognizing we got something wrong. Then turning away from that, I can agree with truth and walking increasingly toward it. It's a process made habitual by individual small steps.

For example, as I read Philippians 4:13 and realize my flawed thinking, I pray something like this repenting and agreeing with Scripture:

Lord, forgive me for thinking I can do anything without you. I repent for giving ground to pride and selfishness and control. I repent for putting other people and things (idols) in the center of my life. Thank you for offering me Jesus' help. I want to operate in His strength and power which is far superior to my own. I ran myself ragged chasing solutions and doing a million things you never asked me to do. I am so sorry for listening to so many experts before my own husband, let alone You. It went awry like confetti following the law of gravity, when I made my own rules. I need your strength and power. Thank you for the help of Christ. Help me stay close enough to you to hear only what you are asking me to do.

"...for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me strength and power. Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible

Correlated with Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide! Prayer Thrust.

“Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the LORD,
“Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool. Isaiah 1:18

Testify!

Yikes, its April and we all know what that means. Even those without the diagnosis are thinking about autism. Admittedly, it feels a bit like St. Patrick's Day to me. I can feel the cynicism bubbling up like a briny bucket of corned beef and cabbage. As my husband says, (he has Irish citizenship mind you), "I don't have to wear green I'll be Irish tomorrow."

Gratefully this year, Holy Week is trumping World Autism Awareness Day in my thoughts. Just the same, I pray without ceasing and the best way I know to celebrate Autism Awareness month is to participate in Children of Destiny's Turning the Tide Prayer Thrust. You can print out their month of daily prompts or "like" them on Facebook.

As soon as I clicked there this morning to see Ephesians 3:20--the verse on our adoption letter 17 years ago--I broke into song: "How can I keep from singing your praise?! How can I ever say enough? How amazing is your LOVE!!!"

A plan revealed itself. This year April 2012, I'd like testify to answered prayer! God is answering those prayers, daily, monthly, annually, through our lives. As we lift them up in trust, He is turning the tide. He is answering. Lest the stones cry out, I'd like to give testimony to the ways He is answering at our house. God keeps His promises in our autism-laced lives.

The Passover Seder is a ritual re-telling of how God delivered His people from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. At a certain point in the scripted object lesson, guests around the dinner table recite the specific things God did on their behalf followed by a hearty, "Dayenu!" proclaiming in Hebrew "that would have been enough!"

Two years ago in April 2010 I set out to post a prayer a day. Somewhere around the 10th, all hell broke loose in our house and we were thrown into a harrowing crisis I have yet to recount publicly. It came flooding back to me today marked as it was by coinciding with autism awareness month and this same prayer calendar. That seems a fitting place to start:

That you kept Reid out of a psych hospital...that would have been enough!

That you sent people two by two in prayer vigil with us....Dayenu!

That musicians came to soothe his spirit as he dried out from wrong meds...Dayenu!

That you assigned total strangers to pray for us in new ways.....that would have been enough!

That you parted IEP waters in a single stroke to allow a miraculous change of

schools....Dayenu!

That he is no longer in a pressure cooker of behavior mod and physical restraint but a nurturing community of redemptive grace....Dayenu!

That you replaced my worst fear with new faith...Dayenu!

That you showed me who you really are in the wee hours of the night......that would have been enough!

That you've kept my marriage together through years of stubborn neglect and thrashing.....Dayenu!

That you didn't just deliver Reid, but each of us in the process.....Dayenu!

That I am not the same...that would have been enough!

That my husband's heart is transformed.....Dayenu!

That Allie sees you're real...that would have been enough!

That the boy who I was once told might not write his name, went through 3 composition notebooks yesterday handwriting lists of his favorite things....Dayenu!

That Reid has a ministry to others...that would have been enough!

That you've given Allie more not less through these trials....Dayenu!

That you blessed us with two babies not just one...that would have been enough!

That we can call you Father by a spirit of adoption....Dayenu!

That you still show your glory through healing...that would have been enough!

That you communicate intimately with your people...Dayenu!

That You give us the very faith to believe there is yet more blessing in store....that is enough!

That you are good and your love endures...Dayenu!

Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more that we would ever dare to ask or even dream of--infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes." Ephesians 3:19-21 The Living Bible

Correlated with Turning the Tide! Children of Destiny's Prayer Thrust for the month of April

Better than Me

Tuesday night Jim and I began a six-week Life Planning Project course offered locally by Home of Guiding Hands. Designed to get us on the same page proactively envisioning Reid's future as we age (ahem) and eventually exit planet earth.

Going around the table, each parent complied with the direction to give a trait they're most proud of and a personal motto as way of introduction. After we'd all taken turns the facilitator, herself a parent of a 19 year old on the spectrum, observed that we could spend the remainder of the evening debating the age old chicken and egg question. Did we develop those traits because of our child with special needs or were they given because we'd surely need them for the assignment?

I wrote "resourceful" on my sticky note but another mom shared "empathy" as hers. That uncanny ability to know what someone is thinking without them expressing it comes in handy when your kids are non-verbal! Jim commented when we first did our Strengthsfinder inventory, how perfectly that served me in Reid's younger days.

Whether God gave it for the job or I learned it from Reid, this verse hit me between the eyes this morning:

Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. Isaiah 65:24

The Lord God's empathy far surpasses mine or hers. His ability to do all things is the source of our ability to do anything. He is the author of empathy and every other positive character trait anyone could cite. Anything I can do He can do better. And...because he is so empathetic, he knows what I need before I even figure out how to ask for it. I just have to get out of His holy way. So I am stepping aside to let the Master have his way.

In the mood for a cheesy visual from the musical archives? Click here. They got their pronouns reversed in these lyrics from Annie Get your Gun. Reverse the pronouns and let it rattle around in your head today as a prayer to the Father, "Anything I can do YOU have done better..." make a sunset.... create a brain... design a salvation plan.... payback a double portion... color fruit... love your neighbor... pair up twins... allow that trial....

Gotta work on those rhymes, but you get my point?

All God's Children

If you've never been in a room full of kids with disabilities, you haven't lived!

That wish may not be at the top your bucket list but, trust me if you ever get the chance it will tip your whole bucket upside down. Add music, worship or performance to that room and you approach an other-worldly experience that quickly becomes spiritual.

There is nothing quite so humbling or profound as watching people express themselves creatively without inhibition. I have had this experience a handful of times: at a Music Therapy Center recital, at Beyond Limits adult Sunday school class, and at the Young Life Capernaum Club Talent Show last June. Take a peek at what our friend Sean Horton captured on film.

Capernaum Talent Show from Sean Horton on Vimeo.

My experience must only begin to approach God's delight at watching us, his children--all of us differently-abled--using the gifts He gave us freely without comparison or ego or pride to adulterate them. It's pure and true to a liberating extent.

"Looks aren't everything. Don't be impressed with his looks and stature. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart." 1 Samuel 16:6-8

“To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey." Matthew 25:14-15

Photo credit: Bill Wilson

P.S. You're invited to visit a Capernaum Club every other Thursday night at 6:30 at Flood church offices on Ruffin Road in San Diego.

Unplugged...literally

Last Thursday of all Thursdays, we experienced a power outage in all of San Diego. Perhaps you read about it. What the news didn't mention was that Paula Dawson and I had been working for months with Tobias Haglund planning our first annual San Diego Capernaum fundraiser. All that day, we had loaded, unloaded and shlepped belly bar tables, glassware, raffle items, and provisions from around the county up to the 5th floor rooftop venue for this "perfect evening." By 3:00 we were home to shower. At 3:38 the power was out. Regardless of the unforeseen problem, we were back on the roof by 6:00 unable to turn our enthusiasm off.

As Proverbs 19:21 says, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." Following is the letter we delivered the morning after to nearly 100 guests who could not make it...and a few more pictures because we were just so pumped up to celebrate the first year of this ministry!

The people rubbed their eyes, incredulous—and then also gave glory to God. Awestruck, they said, "We've never seen anything like that!"

Luke 5:26 The Message

the namesake story of Capernaum matched our experience last night at the Rooftop Soiree when God said, “Let there be candlelight and a full moon.”

Have you ever planned something that didn’t turn out quite the way you planned it…yet it was still awesome?

Clearly, last Thursday night we were planning one thing and the Lord had another idea. Our preparations for you to hear the highlights of the first year of San Diego Capernaum’s existence were thwarted by the power outage. But not doused.

Twenty-five of us did make it, believe it or not. We have included the photos to prove it. We hope this goodie bag might be the next best thing to being there. When you have time, read on and we will tell you how it went.

Many of you have asked this morning after, “How can I help?” The short answer is: You could complete the enclosed giving card and return it to us. Our top priority is to increase monthly giving through electronic funds transfers of any amount. More on that below…

Parents of special needs kids share an almost universal experience of finding God’s greater glory in the midst of what can feel like disappointment or loss at first. A son you thought you’d teach to surf never does. Instead God’s plan for him is to touch hearts through music and transform your family from the inside out. A daughter who may never live alone brings joy to hundreds of “typical” kids at camp with a highly contagious laugh. Last night was one more opportunity to practice flexibility, acceptance of whatever the Lord gives or takes away, and squint our eyes to recognize hidden blessings.

Who would’ve imagined how the Spirit would move amidst the more intimate crowd: the One Hope wine rep was clearly inspired; a volunteer catering assistant hugged us and said he’d like his daughter to work at the camp he heard described; one diehard couple came unshowered after cleaning their salt water aquarium that had flooded; and every single one of our faithful volunteer leaders stayed into the wee hours to fellowship.

We were blessed by your intentions of attending. It was an incredible setting. Liz Stiger told touching stories about the privilege of being the “best friend” to numerous teens with disabilities. She has walked alongside them as they face real trials and make life-changing decisions. She called us to bold belief like the four men who lowered their friend through the roof at Capernaum to get him to Jesus' feet. She told modern day examples of transformation that take place when we invite Jesus into our heart. And she testified to the benefits that inclusive camping offers to the typical kids.

Wonderful as it was to hear her, sample savory treats and and sip a cold Corona after braving the incredulous traffic to finally get there, our goal was not just to show you a night on the town with food, music and a spectacular view. Our goal was to communicate to you the vision of Young Life Capernaum, show you the mighty way God is working through our Area Director, Tobias Haglund and his team, and give you an easy opportunity to participate.

We are convinced God wants San Diego Capernaum to be healthy and self-sustaining. After just 6 months in operation we have grown from serving 8 families to 22. It gives us joy as a Committee that God lets us help Him collect the financial resources needed to sustain and grow this ministry. We have seen first hand the incredible things God is doing through Tobias and his faithful and unbelievably talented leadership team. You can too on our webpage or Facebook where we will post the slideshow and Talent Show video we prepared.

Our fundraising goal for the second year is $70,000. We need $40,000 to “keep the lights on” (pun intended). Another $15,000 would enhance the program (North County is begging for a second Club location), provide additional training, and send more kids to summer camp next year. We also think it prudent to have $15,000 in the bank going into year three. Praise God that we currently have $13,000 in monthly pledges, so we are on our way.

The enclosed card outlines three ways to participate with us; we need Prayers, Players, and Payers. We hope you will check one of those and return it to us.

Payers may give online or by mail. We have donors giving from $5 per month to $400 per month. The automatic withdrawal option is easy, maintenance free, and gives you an email receipt every month. Please consider this as you contemplate your participation. Other donors prefer to give one-time gifts. We appreciate both.

We praise God for the incredible memories of last night: the full moon, the safe arrival and departure of our speaker from Washington, our accident-free exit down five flights of stairs in the dark, the opportunity to feed the homeless of San Diego with copious party trays, the flashlight in Sally’s purse, 2 out of 4 Kingsmen singing Switchfoot's “This is Your Life” unplugged, the exuberant smiles of downtown dwellers who could walk home, the unforgettable memory of being above the fray as sirens sounded without ceasing and the Kingdom work God lets us help Him do.

Who would have thought God's saving power would look like this?
 Isaiah 53:1-3

Seeing Potential

Reid came running off the bus as elated as his cheery bus drivers. He was in proud possession of another "Social Superstar award" from school. Waving it with shoulders back and a big wide grin made him seem 3 feet taller than when he'd left that morning. The thrill of victory!

It reminded me of the one he'd brought home last January. It's still on the bulletin board waiting to make the blog. It reads "Hygiene Social Superstar" which was ironic at the time. I imagine it may have been a one-time-only creation from the genius staff at Pioneer Day School.

What lies beneath the surface (but is not lost on me) is the fact that his nose was running heavily that week with a persistent cold. He hates to handle tissues, let alone use them to actually wipe his nose. The fact that they gave him the "hygiene" award that particular week, first made me laugh. Were they being sarcastic?! I could see the disgusting result of 7 hours of drip being wiped on the same shirtsleeve.

But really and truly, they live out the tagline on the Director's auto signature: "Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great." Mark Twain

To perceive, let alone treat people according to their potential is a mighty thing. They did not emphasize the mess, the inconvenience or the breach in sanitation mores. Instead they rewarded the progress toward mastery in personal hygiene. Maybe it was one swipe of a kleenex? or two squirts of anti-bac soap? I'll never know, but I appreciate it. Their intention heightened Reid's awareness of his own ability. Their belief was in a future eventuality.

It reminds me of how God the Father sees us through the blood of Christ. He doesn't see our sin or messed up lives. All that is cancelled by the cross. He sees us instead through Jesus--white as snow, forgiven, with a destiny as sons and daughters clothed in robes of righteousness, heirs to his inheritance. A mighty thing indeed!

God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. This is not only clear, but it's now—this is current history! God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness. Romans 3:25

God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! Romans 8:15-17

It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it...From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. Colossians 3:10

Top 10 Tuesday

Top 1o Things I am Thankful for this Week

1. a husband who serves (and surfs)

2. a decisive husband

3. a husband who seeks righteousness

4. children who are set apart

5. children who embrace their destiny

6. children who tell me they love me, often

7. friends who hold me accountable

8. friends who pray aloud, face down, and without ceasing

9. friends who text me Scripture

10. Eugene Petersen's translation of The Message

11. a God who reveals Himself to me specifically through rain, numbers, and newspaper headlines

12. a God who makes my enemies a footstool for my feet

Oh, that's twelve.

Hallelujah! I give thanks to God with everything I've got—

Wherever good people gather, and in the congregation.

God's works are so great, worth

A lifetime of study—endless enjoyment! Psalm 111:1

Headed for Completion

Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:18-20

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:5-7

I love the way God speaks a different message to me each year through the holy days of Passover, Easter, and Christmas. ...and how they are connected--a sort of spiral curriculum just for me. For years as a mother, I've identified with Mary "pondering these things in her heart." Rendered speechless for fear of misinterpreting or getting ahead of God is an all too familiar posture. Noodling on the bigger picture is my favorite pastime.

This December though, in the middle of our Many Moods Christmas concert, it struck me afresh. Mary had been told she'd give birth to the Messiah her people had been waiting on for centuries. The King who would deliver them from the evil reign of King Herod and others.

How would this helpless, homeless, human babe in her arms get from here to there? How much more would she and Joseph be responsible to prepare him? Was it presumptuous of her to even believe what the angel had said?

She'd been waiting 12 years, perhaps long enough to have tabled the promise, before she had any real evidence of it coming to fruition. By the time Jesus stayed behind at the temple, Mary might well have needed a reminder of who He was to become. It was not her first reflex when He turned up missing. Nor is it mine when Reid goes missing in Target or church or the Farmer's Market.

Sadly, I watched a mother from a podium recently recount the deficits and delays her teenage daughter had as a toddler. In front of her, the girl performed with a cheerleading squad from her public high school. Rather than relish the inclusion or celebrate her accomplishment, in essence this mother re-labeled the poor girl publicly. With tears and pity from her old wineskin, she mortified those of us listening on. Holding her daughter to an old diagnosis, she set a powerful example of what not-to-do.

I wanted to go tell the truth to that teenager of who she was in Christ; how God saw her in her potential; how He was completing the good work He'd begun in her. Hard to do at an autism fundraiser...where the sympathy vote seems to always win...but, then there is this blog...

Last December, Reid and I began reading this list of affirmations from God's Word every night at bedtime. And you know what, we are starting to believe them. It causes us both to act as if they are true. Some nights he picks 4, other nights I read a whole page; some nights he joins me in a hearty "Amen" after each one, other nights I oblige his, "don't do the 'amens.' Every night, I trust what God has done, is doing and will do to cause Reid "to grow in wisdom and favor and stature with God and with man," just like he did for His only begotten son, the baby Jesus.

Other variations of the list are here and here. Just pick your favorite.

There is reality and there is hope. Reality as I know it is constantly changing. Hope does not disappoint. I choose to believe even when I cannot see. For it is by our faith, that we are healed! God finishes what He begins; the baby in the stable became a Messiah who died for our sins and rose from the dead. Exactly as it is written. And He will return....as King of Kings.

The same God who planned that, can bring our kids on the spectrum to completion. Easter is coming my friends!

Let this song sink in. Let your faith arise...believe...agree with the Creator.

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-25

...hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:4-6

Lifelong

That word "lifelong" looms as an ominous cloud over the classical definition of autism. Whether you read it on a book cover, hear it from a doctor, or google search it, it's superlative and so final.

Here's one:

Autism is a complex, life long developmental disability that interferes with the person's ability to understand what he sees, hears and touches.

and another:

Autism is a lifelong disability affecting nearly 1 in 250 children

born in the world today. With the diagnosis of autism reaching

epidemic proportions, it is important that accurate information is made

available to anyone who will be working with, living with, or loving a

person with autism.

Lately (and remember I'm 14 years post-diagnosis), it's hit me thus: Who among us doesn't have a lifelong condition? Whether you call it sin or humanity, we all have it. It's not going away this side of heaven.

We all grapple with some resonant theme for the course of a lifetime. Some get help, make significant progress, experience breakthrough, accomplish amazing milestones, others remain stuck. We may make great strides for a season, even appear "recovered" for periods of time, but then slip back, fall off the wagon and feel hopeless. Two steps forward, one step back. It's universal--with or without an autism diagnosis.

Whether we tend toward pride, rejection, greed, anger, selfishness, fear, we each have our hot buttons. There are interventions available to help us in the natural world. Spiritual gains are there too. The Lord may reveal a verse that helps us through a time; accountability partners give us a leg up for a season; we enjoy success, even deliverance for years of time. But we remain: human, sinful, incomplete.

Personalize it. What prayer do you pray each Sunday in church? Have you become a broken record asking God for grace in the same area? I have confessions and recommittals that are recurrent, if I'm honest. They are lifelong issues related to my unique temperament, circumstances and alas, even God's purpose in my life.

And so, we work out our salvation... Life...Long...until that day we are complete in Christ.

Until then, you might say we're all learning how to die...to self, to sin, to _____.

Jon Foreman sings it best:

The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. Psalm 19:6-8 The Message

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:20-22

Therefore, my dear friends...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling... Philippians 2:11-13

Autistic in the spirit

An undeniable emptiness, I've felt before, came over me this morning. It's just Reid and me at home this weekend. Have you ever felt alone in someone's company? Hearing him hook up to the television--like an IV--I followed him downstairs feeling taken-for-granted, ignored, like furniture.

All he really cares about is that constant stream of visual stimulation. His assumption that I will always be here to provide basic wants and needs, is accurate even if hurtful.

I say "Good Morning" to no response. Until, "can you bring me hash browns?"

How many times do I wake up and the first thing I say to the Lord is, "Will you bless my day?" or some other thinly veiled demand for creature comfort. To some degree, we all go around idolizing our own pleasure, achievement, pastimes, or just our own navels. While God sits waiting for a heartfelt "good morning" connection.

God in Heaven continues to bless us but, you know all He really wants? Relationship! To have us come look in His eyes, play footsie, or otherwise give Him the time of day. That's all I want from Reid. Spent umpteen hours--his lifetime--and thousands of dollars trying to achieve it. To have him greet me

spontaneously, care what I think, want to sit with me or tell me about his day.

Maybe, just maybe, God's purpose in allowing autism is to illustrate the condition of our hearts toward Him in the spiritual realm. Can you think of a better way? Many of us are autistic in our spirits. No intervention the world offers can save us from ourselves. The reality of Reid helps me grasp the parallel and modify my own behavior toward God my Father in heaven.

If God loves me while I am yet a selfish sinner turning my back and gaze away from Him, then I can keep on loving Reid on the days he doesn't express any reciprocity. I see myself in him.

Brings to mind these lyrics,

• How Is It Between Us? by Sara Groves

More Sara Groves music on iLike

January Podcast: "Is it too much to ask?" with Sandi Anderson

Da da da da da da da! Drum roll please....

I'd like to present a new monthly feature: a brief on-the-street interview with someone I consider an inspiration in the autism community.

Miss January is Sandi Anderson, resource person extraordinaire!

Sandi and I share the same maiden name, faith in the same God, the same history of homeschooling, the same stubborn insistence on our kids' potential, and the same invisible tattoo. She is creative beyond all get out, resourceful, humble, accessible, and helpful. She has mentored countless moms-turned-professional-through-autism in San Diego county. If they don't know her, they know of her (and wish they did).

I first knew "of her" and was thrilled when she invited me to plan the Concert of Prayer for Special Needs in San Diego County. Now, I am honored to call her a friend. She has an idea a minute and is the one I call when I'm stuck or circling. I always hang up with a genius next step that feels easy to take.

Sandi repeatedly finds a way where none exists, whether to get Regional Center and the Dept of Rehab to fund a self-determination grant for her 21 year old son to have his own business or take the other to swim with dolphins in Hawaii. She is also hilarious! She was in usual jesting form, as we met for lunch at Rubio's to tape this. After she heard my line of questioning, she first asked how much I was paying her ($.00). Then, shot out a title for the new blog feature, "Is it too much to ask?" We all need a friend who makes us laugh.

In this picture, she is "tooting her own horn" at the Autism Tree Project Foundation's USD Football Mentor game day. Enjoy meeting her yourself on this audio podcast:Sandi Anderson.aiff

Note to Facebook readers: Click "View Original Post" to access the mp3 player.)

Alleluias after Easter!

Are there memories etched in your mind that would be establishing shots in a movie of your life? Have you ever wandered aimlessly alone through a bookstore and found a book that was written just for you?

I have. One cold, wintry night 9 years ago in a suburb of Chicago, I was encouraged by my husband to "just get out for awhile." As ever, I found myself inevitably combing the shelves of a bookstore in search of something very specific but nothing in particular. That night I found a little gem, Changed by A Child by Barbara Gill, that satisfied my craving.

If I were to go out tonight on that same hunt, I am sure I'd come home carrying Autism & Alleluias by Kathy Deyer Bolduc. This handheld, personal treasure is a godsend of hopeful, gutsy true grit that lets me know I am still not alone on this road through adolescent autism to glory.

My copy is already circled, starred, underlined and doggeared. I don't think there has ever been a book that scratched so many of my itches. Like a psalmist, Kathy tells it like it is in raw poetic honesty. In each of 39 vignettes, she captures God's intended purpose in real challenges and celebrates how her son, Joel, has shown her His grace.

She does not stifle the truth like a proverbial church lady, but writes candidly enough to have me welling up and ultimately sobbing at the beauty of almost every 2-page devotional.

She gets the daily calls from school; she knows the "anger that's been tamped down for months;" she "reads his moods like an investor watches the stock market;" "exhaustion is her constant companion." AND (not but), it has made her holy.

Her "body remains in the front pew of College Hill Presbyterian Church, but her spirit stands in the sacred presence of God." I love that line!

Thank you Kathy for being one of the saints who has gone before and written it done for our benefit. I would add you to the Hebrews 11 Hall of Fame after Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses and Rahab.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Hebrews 11:39-40

If you are free tomorrow at 2:00 EDT, tune into a webinar with the author. "A Place Called Acceptance" (click here to register) will also include Bill Gaventa, Editor of the Journal of Religion, Disability, and Health, and Ginny Thornbugh, program director for the Interfaith Initiative of the American Association of People with Disabilities.

How Do We Educate?

Do you have 20 minutes to spend with Sir Ken Robinson? You'll laugh and be inspired to think of intelligence differently.



After absorbing his points and reading Donald Miller's blogpost today, I ask myself, "What if Reid were treated as if he were highly intelligent?"

This afternoon a conference call with the purpley woman....tomorrow a pre-IEP meeting at his school......Winds in the east, mist coming in, like something is brewing, about to begin. Can't put me finger on what lies in store, but I feel what's to happen all happened before...

Happy Anniversary to a faithful ministry!

Today marks 8 years of daily prayers--like this one--that Rebecca and Jack Systema have written for the autism community through their Children of Destiny ministry. That is 2,920 verses from the Bible that they have personalized from the trenches to give specific hope to others on the same journey marked by autism.

I, for one, want to say THANK YOU! Many a morning, I have dragged myself down for coffee and clicked into my email in search of meaning. (I know that in itself is an oxymoron which is why my New Year's Resolution was to open my Bible before I opened my laptop.) Leave it to the good Lord though, who "never leaves us or forsakes us" to make His "grace perfect through my weakness" and guide me to truth online nonetheless!

Not everyday, but often enough, I hear God very directly through the verse the Systema's have chosen that day and the prayer they've written out so I can read along rather than dare to utter one myself. So, today to reciprocate and write this prayer for them:

Lord God in Heaven,

Thank you for the Systema's, their ministry, their family, and their diligence to follow you on the path you have made clear for them. Sustain them I pray in Jesus name. Bless them and enlarge their territory so that more who struggle to understand the 5 W's of autism --who to listen to, what it is, when will they get a break, where to go for help, and why it's happened in their families--will turn to You personally and your Word for answers. Thank you for your continual fount of hope and inspiration that flows freely through them.

Are you a subscriber? Click here for the free subscription service with two prayer options--one for families, the other for friends of families. They also organize a Prayer Thrust in April during autism awareness month. Or catch them every Sunday on Autism One radio.

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us see your miracles again; let our children see your glory at work. And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!"

Psalm 90:14-17, NLT