Finisher

Reid holds onto two photos of his baptism--really of the crowd who attended his baptism. They were in a frame on his desk that has long since folded, literally. Now they are loose leaf and so much easier to cherish. They float around the house and turn up wherever he leaves them.

When he holds them, he lovingly drawls out the names of the people he sees with legato musical phrasing, "Caaarla," Joshhhhhhhhh!" It's sweet.

Yesterday, it was more than just sweet. With new eyes to see what is happening in the unseen spiritual world, I grasped the symbolism and promise he holds in those photos.

They don't come out by accident when the cleaning lady organizes his dresser; they come out when he is searching for meaning in life or feeling weary, neglected, discouraged. They came out last Saturday.

There are 379 photos from that day, but the one that does it for him is of the throng of people applauding as he returned to the beach shivering with glee. They were present for a profound moment of belonging. Certainly now if not before, they belong to him and he to them. They love him and he loves them.

At breakfast, I was able to articulate, "Reid, I love remembering your baptism. God made a covenant with you that day. He began a new thing when you were baptized. You died and rose again out of the water with Christ , like Jesus did on the cross."

He was totally attentive with 8 hash browns left, so I went on, "And you know what, God is a finisher. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished." His Word says He will finish the good work He began in you." Those are promises and He is a God who always keeps His promises."

What's a momento that strengthens your spirit for the journey?

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. John 4:33-35

When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, With your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal—don't quit on me now. Psalm 138:6-8

...we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. Hebrews 12:1-3 Amplified

Photo credit and thanks to Doug Miller.

Praying with Lior

Praying with Lior, is an awesome film about the Bar Mitzvah and life ministry of a young man with Down Syndrome. His full inclusion at a Jewish day school, the importance of his community, and his charisma are powerful examples to me of God's kingdom come, God's will being done on earth.

Lior's honest candor and sense of humor warm my heart and draw me to a God in whose image He is surely made. As his Dad says, "he's not stupid; retarded, but not stupid. There's a difference." Ilana Trachtman interviews Lior here, fielding questions about the production and their first meeting.

What a thoughful disability awareness curriculum this study guide of questions and verses from the Old Testament would be for teens coming of age in either the Old or New Testament tradition. Lior has an undeniable spiritual gift of wisdom. What strikes me anew, as it did during Reid's preparation for baptism, is how marvelous it is that the Bible is at once complex and simple. Reid, through the purity of his testimony song and Lior, through his innate preaching distill it to the fundamentals.

As much as I wrote about Reid's baptism, I do not think I ever posted the resulting video. To our immense gratitude, one of the pastors at the beach that day said, "the whole congregation must see this." He arranged for the professional recording of Reid in our family room so this slideshow was shown on New Member Sunday. The ironic twist for me was that after many years of whining and complaining for programs at church that would serve Reid, now as he comes of age, he is in fact, ministering to the church body. God turned upside down and inside out, what I thought I wanted or we deserved. A kind of ministry was born in which he was serving rather than being served.





And he stood and blessed all the assembly of Israel with a loud voice, saying... 1 Kings 8:54-56


The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. Psalm 19:6-8




...but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 1 Corinthians 1:26-28

Do What I Do

As I write, a finish carpenter is here building a handrail for our staircase. We have been living under the radar with a sub-code, high-risk staircase for several years. Point being, he's chatty and we got to talking about how there is currently a dearth of young people (at least in San Diego) willing to learn the trades. How is that done? Most often through apprenticeship. He has a young man shadowing him and is hopeful he'll stick it out and become one of the few, the proud, the master craftsmen!

Before being subject to extensive intervention and brainwashing about autism, we parented the way our parents parented us. It is natural to repeat the familiar. In reality, we apprentice our kids in their prayer life, faith disciplines, hygiene habits, driving practices, and eating preferences. We lead by example whether intentionally or by accident. My kids haven't had any sugar this week, because I do their shopping and I am abstaining from the unholy trinity of sugar, alcohol, and dairy this month. Are they upset? I don't think they've even noticed. How easily they adapt from our formerly frequent trips to Golden Spoon and Panera. My example (in this case, positive) becomes their familiar.

After his recent baptism, Reid was introduced with the New Member class at church. This involved walking up onto the dais with a group and being prayed for by two pastors. Reid loves to be in the limelight but was also appropriately nervous to do this "correctly." Anticipating the cue and blushing brightly, he stood behind the organ as the pastor made the invitation. Then in the bat of an eye, he scampered across the distance of the chancel to reach the other pastor who seemed more available (accurately reading his body language). Once there, they stood arm in arm in poignant solidarity. Since I was intentionally not assisting and letting Reid take this step independently, I was grateful for that pastor's presence, finesse and intuition.  He served as a literal and figurative anchor to which Reid could cling.

Now physically linked Reid, the senior pastor took the mic to pray aloud. He invited the congregation to raise a hand of blessing toward these new members. Well, bear in mind, Reid is in a weekly pattern for the last 3 years of listening intently and studying this man's preaching and leading style. He tracks him in the church bulletin, noticing who is responsible for the "Worship Focus," "Life Together," and "Prayer of Confession." As a result, those few moments of "being" the Senior Pastor thrilled Reid. He did what Mike did, raised a hand and mouthed the words along with him in a prayer welcoming new members. So much for Theory of Mind or pronoun comprehension or whatever it is that the other new members had which informed them to just bow their collective heads, keep their hands at their sides and receive the blessing! No harm done, Reid is a pastor wannabe! He is blessed.  AND he blesses other people ALL the time.

Another example of powerful role modeling is Peter Reynolds. As founder of Fable Vision, he has produced major media including all many of our favorite (albeit banned) pbskids shows as well as the some clever short films. A big kid himself, he travels to inspire schoolchildren with his true love of writing. He models storytelling, thinking creatively, and exhorts teachers to do the same-not to assign writing but to write and let the kids copy them. He does what he wants kids to do!



Even more on topic, check out this group in Toronto. Keys to the Studio, has paired professional musicians with students on the autism spectrum to experience and create music together. The podcast on their site is worth listening to, to hear their inspiration and mission to focus on commonalities, growth and doing one's personal best. In essence, they have created functional apprenticeships for young people who want to pursue music professionally. Gotta love it!



But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. James 1:21-23

You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 11:18-20

Now the boy Samuel was growing in stature and in favor both with the LORD and with men. 1 Samuel 2:25-27

photo credit:  www.davidblackonline.com, www.farm4flickr.com

Reid's Baptism Song

I won't ever capture all the facets of the sacred 2 hour period of time last Saturday. They will certainly reflect in my thoughts for years to come as they spill out of my memory. Starting now...


To sing is to pray twice. Augustine Hippo

I love this quotation as it relates to children on the autism spectrum, many of whom sing before they talk. Others sing and never talk. No matter, they can still pray. Prayer is two-way communication with God. It encompasses both talking (with the mouth and/or the heart) and listening (with the heart and/or the ears).

Typically, as part of baptism a new member writes a statement of faith or testimony and reads it to the gathered community. This would have been a challenge for Reid. Singing comes more easily. So with the help of his music teacher, Angela, he wrote a song. Ironically, when Angela was confirmed back in Iowa as a teen, she had done the same thing. That was the first song she had ever written in her life, but not the last. I find that a wonderful sign of God anointing her future path as a music therapist, worship leader, and singer songwriter. She has many songs to her credit now but the first was her statement of faith. Reid's song started as a simple 5 Wh ?'s outline (who, what, where, when why?) and became this:

This Is What I Believe

Verse One
I am a sinner, my name is Reid
A Saviour is what I need
I make mistakes and do things that are bad
I hurt others and make them sad

So Jesus died on a cross for me
But he did not stay on that tree
He rose again from the grave
All the world he came to save

Chorus
This is what I believe

Jesus died for me

I will live eternally

This is what I believe

Verse Two
I am faithfully and wonderfully made
To God I will always pray
Neither death or the angels above
Could separate me from His love

With the Father, Spirit, and Son
Baptized into God's family as one
Down in the water I go
Raised again for the world to know

Interlude
I am alive in Christ
I am alive in Christ
I am alive in Christ
I am alive in Christ

During the baptism, our pastor, Josh Kerkhoff, called on those of us standing in a circle to pray aloud for Reid. One of our friends, Kathleen, who is many things including poetic, prayed something to this effect: Lord, you are the Word and today you are present here in word and in song. I ask that you will communicate with Reid as he is dunked under the waves in a miraculous way with the music of all the angels in heaven. A beautiful sentiment and a prayer which God heard.

Later that night as we sat on our patio eating leftover salads from the beach, I asked Reid, "so what was it like when Josh dunked you underwater?" He simply said, "it was like a symphony." Nothing more, nothing less. He was a boy of few words and now is a young man who still doesn't mince them. He often doesn't answer a question, especially an open-ended one like that. This time he answered and so had God!


God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins. Colossians 2:12-14

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

Praise him, all his angels, praise him, all his heavenly hosts. Psalm 148:1-3

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1-3

Alive in Christ

OK, here goes. I have waited a week to post about Reid's baptism for several reasons. One is pure exhaustion from being overwhelmed by it all. I also hesitate in fear that I will be unable to retell the magnificence of the day. I don't want to trap the spiritual splendor in words on a page or in my feeble recollection. I have been silent for a week even from writing thank you's to those who made it so sacred in an effort to sustain the reverence and (if I am honest) out of speechlessness. Have you ever had an experience that was so sublime you wanted to keep it to yourself lest the reactions of others deny its reality?

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. 1 Corinthians 2:13-15

However, I wouldn't be a very good blogger or a very good witness if I don't "go tell it on the mountain!" Even if I don't "joyfully praise God for the miracles I've seen...then the stones will cry out!" Luke 19:39-40 It was truly glorious! Just know, whatever I say pales in comparison and you really did have to be there to experience the palpable glory of the Lord. I feel like Mary when she "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke 2:18-20

First of all, nobody stripped naked (did you read the "before" post?). What impressed me most was Reid's total engagement and appropriateness. These are lifelong goals for us which seemed for one sitting to be suspended in accomplishment. Granted, Reid loves a program and was prepared for how this would go. But somehow it was more than just a "good day" as measured by compliance, engagement, and behavioral goals.

There were guests from Reid's sphere who had no idea of his functioning. Whether they hadn't seen him lately or they've only seen him glued to the television set in the church library, Saturday was eye-opening. Some were in tears. Some were flabbergasted at his ability. Others who've been in the trenches with us and spent hours of time interacting with him and seen the glimmers of skill and development over time were not amazed at any one skill but at how they all coalesced like jello hardening into one grand presentation.

One of the 30 some eyewitness guests said to me, "Wow, Reid really 'gets' this." As his statement of faith Reid wrote a song with his music teacher, Angela Neve. The song served as testimony and sermon all in one. There was no mistaking his comprehension. What struck me was how obviously Reid's ability was displayed throughout the day. He demonstrated ability to sing, ability to lead a group, ability to grasp fundamental truths, ability to greet each guest and express gratitude for their presence, ability to share his faith, ability to take a break in the Eurovan with new gifts, ability to change into dry clothes we'd left in the van, and shocking ability to return to the party for more photo ops, ability to transition back into the Saturday routine with Dad once the party was over, ability to delay gratification and go to library after clean up, ability to help us set up and unload the van, huge ability to submit himself physically to be dunked backwards into waves, ability to regulate all the sensory and tactile input, ability to ask a guest if her husband was with her, ability to be a blessing to others, ability to have a ministry, ability to chose his own destiny for eternity.

Depending on how long you have known Reid or what other firsthand experience you have with autism, that may seem like a simple list. To put it into drastic context, this is the same kid who was basically evicted from special ed class as a danger to other students just 4 years ago. This is the same kid who streaked naked toward the intersection of Executive Drive and Genessee Ave. from a pool locker room just 8 years ago. This is the same kid who is obsessed with doing things himself and only let me hold his hand once as a toddler. Are you getting why I'm speechless?

Let me be clear; this isn't a sensationalized story promoting any of the myriad interventions that you could run to pay big bucks and afford for another child on the spectrum. It is not an infomercial for secretin, AIT, The Listening Program, music therapy, hyperbaric oxygen chamber, megavitamins, homeopathy, osteopathy, chelation, GFCF diet, DAN! protocol, Brain Highways, Floortime, PRT, ABA, or swimming with dolphins--although we have done most of those. Rather, our success story is first and foremost a testimony of what God has done in our midst. Ours is a story of staying the course, marinading in prayer, and the cumulative gain of multiple people pouring their gifts and love into a boy who is truly "growing in wisdom and favor and stature with God and man."Luke 2:52

Fourteen years ago when we were hoping to adopt we put this verse at the bottom of our solicitation letter. Ephesians 3:19-21 says, "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...to him be glory...forever and ever." That verse has followed us and becomes more prophetic as we go. It rang true when we adopted not one but two babies. It continues to resonate as we move through autism. Ironically, the song which came to me in writing this seems drawn from that verse too. Terry Clark recorded it and it sums up my take home truth from the Reid's baptism. He is Able.

We have ability because God is able. We are creative because He is the Creator. We are loving because He is love. We are truthful because He is the Truth. We are made in God's image however weakly we pale in comparison. Any among us gains functioning when we are in His presence, when we abide in Him, when move in His Spirit. I saw that happen dramatically for Reid on Saturday and I've seen it happen gradually over the course of 14 years.

If you have a child with special needs, I challenge you to make a list of your child's abilities. You'll amaze yourself....and it will increase your faith. "Oh ye of little faith" was all I could think when I first sat down to write about the baptism. That verse is repeated by Jesus four times in Matthew. Usually, it is after a miracle God performed--multiplying loaves, walking on water, and then calming the storm. It is the phrase to use when amazed anew at God's power over the earth, the elements, the circumstances of our lives and our hearts. How fitting. I cannot believe what God has done in Reid's life....and is continuing to do.

"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Matthew 6:29-31

He said to them, "Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?" Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and it became perfectly calm. Matthew 8:25-27

Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, " You of little faith, why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:30-32

But Jesus, aware of this, said, " You men of little faith, why do you discuss among yourselves that you have no bread? Matthew 16:7-9

photo credits: Doug Miller, Carla Wood

Two Recitals, a Baptism, and a Graduation

Four Weddings and a Funeral had nothing on our weekend!

With my mom in tow from Florida, we followed a flow chart made in advance so everyone was without excuse when I said, "meet you in the car" yet again. We went from my daughter's 8th grade promotion Friday morning to two parties.  Woke up early Saturday for a packing meeting before her backpacking departure to Yellowstone then off to set up for Reid's baptism at the beach. That had to be the climax!  Saturday night Carla and her sister-in-law came over for her last supper before running the Rock 'n Roll Marathon which is in town.  Sunday was church for some and a dress rehearsal for Allie and Jim.  We reconvened for Reid's recital and then picked up a friend to hear Allie perform in the Youth Symphony at Copley Hall with us. Home for dinner, then one last stop at Sports Authority (8:54pm) for hiking gear and to bed with us.  My mom and Jim left on red-eye flights in there somewhere (I am not responsible for them).  Carla showed up Monday morning at 5:00AM to be home with Reid so I could give Allie a proper send-off at the airport with her school group....and be home to put Reid on the 7:30am bus.

Craziness?  Adrenaline rush? Special occasion mania! I was touched by so many individual moments in the 48 hour period, I've become numb. I have enough blog material for the next month...now I just need a full night's sleep.

Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41

When the queen of Sheba saw the wisdom of Solomon, as well as the palace he had built, the food on his table, the seating of his officials, the attending servants in their robes, the cupbearers in their robes and the burnt offerings he made at the temple of the LORD, she was overwhelmed.  2 Chronicles 9:3-5

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:7-8

Holy Ground

Reid will be baptized this Saturday in the ocean near our house. I am not sure exactly what to expect but I hold myself open to some awesome possibilities. We are setting apart holy ground by calling upon the name of the Lord. Since He will be present, it will be grand! 

Sara Groves wrote the song, "What Do I Know," about her friendship with a senior approaching death. She can't imagine what heaven is like, nor can her friend. But we can trust God's word and what He promises is all good. Click the link to hear the song or read some of the lyrics here:

Well, I don't know that there are harps in heaven,
Or the process for earning your wings.
And I don't know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels,
Or any of these things.

But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,
and from what I know of him, that must be pretty good.

I remember Allie's baptism last October. It was as if the words of the Lord's Prayer became reality--"your kingdom come, here on earth as it is in Heaven." God enters into our existence in a tangible way through the sacrament of baptism and through the praises of His people. Although marriage is not a directive from God, it is a similar public profession before God and man. Take a minute to view this clip; the wedding scene from The Other Sister.

Purity of heart is beautiful to God. From His perspective and compared to His perfection, we must all seem impaired and helplessly disabled yet, nonetheless dear to Him.  In this clip, the couple fumbles over the mechanics of exchanging their vows. Ironically, it is the very fumbling that amplifies the meaning and passion of their intent. Their joy cannot be suppressed and they manage to express more through their disability than any "normal" couple I've ever seen. Their experience becomes universally enviable. I end up wishing for what they have: the ability to be wholly honest, genuine, and natural.

Reminds me of another song. "Undignified" by Dave Crowder band is a call to live for God and not for man.  This link will let you listen to the lyrics which are straight out of 2 Samuel 6 when King David dances naked in the street before God much to the dismay and scorn of his wife, Michal.  She is worried about many things primarily their reputation.  As it says, "Nothing Lord should hinder the passion in my soul."  Reid and others walking among us with autism--in spite of or maybe because of their diagnoses--live this out.  Reid could care less what others think of him.  Hard as we try to teach him a social consciousness, he remains refreshingly uninhibited and undaunted in his joy in the Lord, his affection for others and his love of life.  Woe to me to un-teach this exuberance. God must enjoy him as much as He did David.

Could this be one of God's reasons for allowing disability? Could it be for our benefit? Are there lessons we (neurotypicals) can learn only through their example?

We spend a lot of time, money and effort teaching Reid social appropriateness (a word I have come to despise). While it is critical for his future on this earth, I wonder how necessary it will be in eternity. Just for Saturday, I "will lay my pride by the side" as the Dave Crowder song says, and let Reid be who he is before God and man (even if that means dancing naked on the beach). Did I say that?

David said to Michal, "I will celebrate before the LORD. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes." 2 Samuel 6:21-22

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine...be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:19-21

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

photo credit:  leucadia.blogspot.com

Teaching the Mundane

I am preparing today to meet with one of the pastor's at our church to prepare him to prepare Reid for his upcoming baptism.  In addition to making sure Reid understands the profoundly abstract concepts of salvation and eternal life, I have notes to be sure we cover the more mundane logistics like keeping the bathing suit on afterwards.  Both are important!  Reid has heard and sung about Jesus washing away his sins since he was in the cradle.  After lots of repetition, I think he has internalized those as reality.  Less familiar will be the actual baptism ritual.  Never before has someone walked him out into the ocean, held his arms on either side, and dunked him backwards three times. I will assume nothing and explain everything. It has become second nature to me to do what others might call "explaining the obvious."  In actual fact, social cues and customs are not learned by osmosis and are definitely not obvious to those on the autism spectrum.

Isaac Gitchel wrote this instruction 

manual on How to Order Fast

 Food posted recently on his dad's blog, Perseveration.org. It is a highly useful document that I plan to share with my son before our next visit to In 'n Out.  I know I make lots of modifications--some conscious and some unconscious--to enable a relatively smooth family life.  Through conditional response over the years, I now insist on drive thru windows at banks as well as at restaurants.  Am I alone in my willingness to wait as long as it takes (albeit in the car with a pager) for the socially acceptable containment of a booth rather than a table?  We have our little tricks, don't we?:)  

Eventually though, I want Reid to make his own accommodations and self-advocate for his needs. Isaac's post makes that easier. Isaac, will you write a book of similar instructions? It would be a great manual for teens on the spectrum, for community living programs at schools, and a tool for developing awareness. You could sell it through The Gray Center. They have a lot of great resources but nothing as specific as you have written.  Thank you.

It also gives family members an articulate glimpse into how much extra work is required of those on the spectrum to accomplish everyday tasks which others may think of as "no brainers."  Our kids are making constant daily adaptations to function on this planet.  Articles like Isaac's remind me why I am happy to show a little extra patience, compassion and mercy whenever it is needed.  Information is power.  Now that you know, who can you grace with an extra dose of understanding?

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'  Matthew 25:40

"Counsel and sound judgment are mine; I have understanding and power." Proverbs 8:14

photo credit: fkrohn.com, artspoint.com