Seeing Potential

Reid came running off the bus as elated as his cheery bus drivers. He was in proud possession of another "Social Superstar award" from school. Waving it with shoulders back and a big wide grin made him seem 3 feet taller than when he'd left that morning. The thrill of victory!

It reminded me of the one he'd brought home last January. It's still on the bulletin board waiting to make the blog. It reads "Hygiene Social Superstar" which was ironic at the time. I imagine it may have been a one-time-only creation from the genius staff at Pioneer Day School.

What lies beneath the surface (but is not lost on me) is the fact that his nose was running heavily that week with a persistent cold. He hates to handle tissues, let alone use them to actually wipe his nose. The fact that they gave him the "hygiene" award that particular week, first made me laugh. Were they being sarcastic?! I could see the disgusting result of 7 hours of drip being wiped on the same shirtsleeve.

But really and truly, they live out the tagline on the Director's auto signature: "Great people are those who can make others feel that they, too, can become great." Mark Twain

To perceive, let alone treat people according to their potential is a mighty thing. They did not emphasize the mess, the inconvenience or the breach in sanitation mores. Instead they rewarded the progress toward mastery in personal hygiene. Maybe it was one swipe of a kleenex? or two squirts of anti-bac soap? I'll never know, but I appreciate it. Their intention heightened Reid's awareness of his own ability. Their belief was in a future eventuality.

It reminds me of how God the Father sees us through the blood of Christ. He doesn't see our sin or messed up lives. All that is cancelled by the cross. He sees us instead through Jesus--white as snow, forgiven, with a destiny as sons and daughters clothed in robes of righteousness, heirs to his inheritance. A mighty thing indeed!

God sacrificed Jesus on the altar of the world to clear that world of sin. Having faith in him sets us in the clear. This is not only clear, but it's now—this is current history! God sets things right. He also makes it possible for us to live in his rightness. Romans 3:25

God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! Romans 8:15-17

It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire. Now you're dressed in a new wardrobe. Every item of your new way of life is custom-made by the Creator, with his label on it...From now on everyone is defined by Christ, everyone is included in Christ. Colossians 3:10

Top 10 Tuesday

Top 10 Favorite Words from Reid's Latest IEP

10. charismatic

9. initiator

8. seizes

7. leading

6. enthusiasm

5. contagious

4. kinesthetic

3. joyful

2. laughing

1. charismatic (yes, it was used twice)

I realize this is taking things out of context, but sitting there sharing a copy of "Present Levels" with Jim, I couldn't help but underline the words that popped out at me. This is our boy!

How wonderful to be around a table of people who notice, appreciate and acknowledge his strengths while they shore up his considerable deficits. Keeping the gifts in sight is what motivates us all, including Reid. As it's been said, we become what we focus on.

I wouldn't have imagined ever saying this but the morning after, I told Jim I wish those meetings were more often. To brainstorm and collaborate with people who care so deeply about Reid's future and work creatively and tirelessly toward common goals, was energizing.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:7-9

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-3

Breakdown--Not!

Nancy, beloved bus aide, often has a story. Reid is the last drop off for them in the heat of the afternoon so depending on the length of the tale, Elvira sometimes turns the engine off. Especially on Fridays, it's like gathering at the water cooler with them or Miller time, depending on your prerogative.

This afternooon's report was good. Apparently, the bus broke down in the morning. Never fun, you can only imagine how that unplanned variable could unnerve a busload of half a dozen kids with developmental disabilities. With their various needs, one common denominator is the need for predictability and structure. Nobody does unexpected change well, especially at the end of the week.

Nancy was excited though, "Oh, I've gotta tell you...this morning...the coolest thing! Reid was great."

The bus petered out . . . Elvira's foot to the floor still wouldn't accelerate it. Losing power, she edged to the side of the road registering a mechanical failure. At that point, "Reid stood up with both hands outstretched and declared, 'Remain calm everyone." And they did. Some filed out to play with a neighborly dog. Reid remained in the vehicle (that in itself is a marker). A new bus arrived in due time and off they went for a good day at school, albeit tardy.

Nancy didn't know the British origin of that phrase or that it's been my mantra during times of domestic meltdown for years. Here it hangs in our upstairs hall:

Today, the first day of April, this sounds like victory to me. Not only was Reid able to hold it together and be calm, he also had the composure and authority to pass along his mastery to others. That's a move from surviving to thriving.

My goal used to be keep calm and carry on in the face of chaos. I'm shifting. Now I need to keep calm and carry on rather than leap for joy in elation and awe at the transformation God is bringing about before my eyes.

So, my son, throw yourself into this work for Christ. Pass on what you heard from me—the whole congregation saying Amen!— to reliable leaders who are competent to teach others. When the going gets rough, take it on the chin with the rest of us, the way Jesus did. 2 Timothy 2:2 The Message

See, the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you.” Isaiah 42:8-10

But the point is not to just get by. We want to live well, but our foremost efforts should be to help others live well. 1 Corinthians 10:22-24

Two Kinds of Teachers

The centipede Kathryn found in her bed brought this vintage song to mind. A favorite blast from the past, The Inchworm song by Frank Loesser takes me right back to the golden homeschool days of snuggling with my babies on the sofa in our jammies reading Five in a Row classics. Science took us to the duck pond and math meant baking cookies.

Watching it now, underscores the diametrically opposed styles of the two teachers. I feel this tension every time I step foot in Reid's current school, tour an alternate placement, or interview tutors. Even as I navigate daily situations, I face the internal dilemma of prioritizing "instructional control" or following his lead.

Reid's days are spent in a sugar-coated behavior mod hell. But hey, it's scientifically based and proven effective!* Through consistent, direct instruction and follow through they have, in fact, helped Reid establish good student skills and extinguish several maladaptive behaviors. I fear however, that his success there dictates a future in some equally rigid, highly staffed environment, which is not what I envision.

In contrast, this very moment as I peck away, Reid is directing the show with a woman who would fly a kite with Danny Kaye all long as the day was long letting shoes pile up at the cobbler shop. With her, his spirit soars higher than the scarves they are tossing in the air. He chats a blue streak, dances a bi-lateral jig, and otherwise fills our home with unbridled joy. There is cooperation, mutual respect, emotion, and creative output in the form of drawing, singing and art.

Which do you prefer: the pinch-nosed marm reciting times tables behind the shutters or Danny Kaye inspecting inchworms after weaving yarns down on the river bank?

Who would you learn more from? What about your child?

Or do we need some of both? That is my quandry this month friends....

To Tell the Truth

How many things do you hear in a day that are questionable or just not true? Our culture could stand to be corrected on many a score.

I was chilling with Reid after school watching Hercules when I hear this, "How do you kill a god?" Hmmuuh?....wait a minute! Red flag. Falsehood. I was glad to be in earshot and slip in the edification for the record, "Reid, we believe in the one true God who was and is and is to come. He existed before the beginning of time and is Alpha and Omega." I could have gone on. Actually, He wasn't created and so can't be killed. Death entered the world as a consequence to our disobedience in Eden. Further, God defeated death when Jesus died on the cross, was buried and rose again. "Just so you know."

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, " who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:7-9

Foundational Christian principles (aka the Bible) are no longer be gleaned by osmosis. In this day and age, the tenets of Christianity are not in the underlying fabric of our society. Quite the opposite. One has to go out of their way to learn the gospel. It is not in school curriculum, not assumed by our leaders, not foundational to the way business is done.

A friend of mine was carpooling a 5th grade classmate of her daughters. Having heard a reference they made, the affluent, educated girl inquired unabashedly, "What's the Bible?"

My niece recently found herself surrounded by misled followers of scientology. She'd leave the stifling room to call or text me at points when the propaganda became thickest. A check in her spirit told her something was awry. As she became inundated with lies and spiritual mumbo gumbo, we unraveled them by phone. In every instance, the Bible had a counterpoint to the lies they were putting forth. I found myself grateful for years of study and sound teaching to call upon with her. Informed or not, I believe the God-shaped vacuum in each of us resonates with truth and rests peacefully when it's presented.

I'd like to lay a Pervasive Developmental Disorder diagnosis on our society when I see disregard for the authority of Scripture and genuine ignorance of what the Bible claims. A child with PDD doesn't just wake up from a nap knowing how to smile; turn 2 and begin talking on cue; or maybe ever understand how feelings get hurt. He needs to be intentionally taught every single thing--from the meaning "yes" to how to read facial expressions to modesty. In raising Reid, I have found that stating the obvious in a calm, voice with no affect or judgment as if he were a visitor from another planet works amazingly well. I can't blame him for not knowing or for the way he learns. What I can do is fill in the blanks and tell him what he needs to know to live here. Likewise, maybe what the world needs now--is just a little bit of truth sweet truth.

" Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. John 17:16-18

Being an authentic Christian requires knowing what the Bible says well enough to articulate it to others in the teachable moments. The world around me seems increasingly full of lies, which no one recognizes as such. Like checking for counterfeit money, we need to be holding a lot of things up to the light of Scripture...and then showing people how it pales in comparison to the real article.

One of the best exercises of writing this blog for me, has been the habit of selecting a verse for each post. As I make a practice of doing that, it's amazing how the Bible really does have something to say about every circumstance. I'd love to host a show where the audience would throw out a scenario and some star (but who?) would name a relevant text from God's Word. It would be educational!

"my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11

The Presence of a 1:1 Aide

Reid's school Talent Show was Wednesday. Horray! He transferred his musical skills to a new domain by auditioning, rehearsing, and performing without the aide of music therapist per se, but rather, teachers who are musical. The whole experience was a culmination of many goals mastered and an opportunity for the faculty to see a different facet of Reid.

Picture his solo of "People All Get Ready" by The Frames on a cavernous black stage all by his little lonesome in a glaring spotlight with his skinny knees pulsating rapidly up and down in panic.

He also did this dance number with his classmates:



Yes, I notice he is a whole head taller than the elementary age kids. Granted, it's time to transition him to the Adolescent Program upstairs. Clearly, he has the initiative of Aesop's fabled hare. Anyone can see how much loves the limelight! Not to mention, he can bust a dance move like none other. (Do I need to tell you he is the one on the far right?)

A spiritual point worth making struck me later that day. As I drove back to our "home district," it was dismissal time at the local elementary school. What a contrast to the footage I was excitedly viewing on my digital camera at a red light (living dangerously, I know). A host of schoolchildren congregated on the unprotected sidewalk of a busy artery waiting for two crossing guards to escort them 3 blocks safely under a freeway to residential streets beyond. The ratio had to be 40:2 at least.

I nearly gasped imagining Reid in that crowd with the inherent dangers of his impulsivity and sensory issues. What a "new normal" we have carved out for ourselves. Never could he exist, let alone thrive, in that size crowd.

Did you notice the ratio of adults (in the back row of the video clip) to students in the little troupe? With your trained eye, you probably recognize them as classroom aides. They are close at hand should anything go awry. It never does; for their mere presence ensures the kids' best behavior.

A reasonable assumption at Reid's school is that every student has significant behavioral challenges. Pleasantly surprised by their competence, my husband and I actually whispered in wonderment during the show. It's none of our business, but tempting nonetheless, to armchair diagnose his classmates. For this hour of time, it was hard to tell. Rest assured though, they are there with good cause and at large expense.

Classes are typically a 3:1 ratio with ancillary staff circulating as "problem solvers" on call and close at hand if required to intervene or enforce. Ever so gradually, they wean the kids off the dependence of the shadow aide they may have had in their referring school. Progress is measured by independence, self-control and functioning in a larger group.

What also impresses me (reviewing the video) is how little the aides actually do. Really they just stand there making their jobs look easy and planning to be obsolete. No verbal prompts, not much physical maneuvering, no big sticks, no PECS cards, no modeling hand motions, no hand-over-hand.

This is an illusion. The reality is they have worked strenuous, painstaking hours to get to this point. They've established their authority, consistency and expectations elsewhere. By May at the Talent Show, it is their presence alone that reinforces desired actions and appropriate behavior. Tenuous, but certain success.

Jesus was with us for just a little while on earth. He performed miracles and invested arduous hours in sandals teaching on the road. Then it was time for Him to leave. Now, even while He mysteriously lives in our hearts, it is largely dependent on us to tune into His presence. When I enter into His presence, I sense Him behind me, next to me, with me, leading me. That awareness keeps me on my toes behaviorally. Knowing He is close, elevates my thinking and aspirations. He holds me accountable silently without force. Just by being there.

What does being in God's presence mean to you? Would you leave it in a comment....



Even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. When you are assembled in the name of our Lord Jesus and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present... 1 Corinthians 5:2-4


For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.
Colossians 2:4-6


God said, "Don't come any closer. Remove your sandals from your feet. You're standing on holy ground." Exodus 3:4-6

Eagles and zebras and bees

This clever video from Raising Small Souls is telling as it uses the animal kingdom to craft an analogy of different strengths and learning styles in the natural world. Which would be you? The duck, the eagle, or the squirrel? In our competitive, standardized world, it is a needful reminder to prize our individuality. Teach to the strength; remediate the weakness. But whatever you do: don't forfeit the uniqueness.

Doesn't it blow your mind anew to see how many different species God created with each of their own adaptations to environment. Their incredible "accomplishments" come instinctively when they're allowed to be who He made them to be.

A doggeared book my kids still love offers a related metaphor. In The Treasure Tree, John Trent and Gary Smalley use personification to teach kids the four basic personality types. The lion, otter, beaver and retriever learn to work together employing each other's strengths to overcome challenges and find life's treasure. Amazingly, even as 5 year olds, both my kids immediately and accurately identified their role in the family. And pegged each of us, "Dad, you're Lance the lion!"


He watches over His nest like an eagle and hovers over His young; He spreads His wings, catches him, and lifts him up on His pinions. Deuteronomy 32:10-12


The doorkeeper opens it for him, and the sheep hear his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. John 10:2-4


Even a sparrow finds a home,
and a swallow, a nest for herself
where she places her young—
near Your altars, LORD of Hosts,
my King and my God. How happy are those who reside in Your house,
who praise You continually. Psalm 84:3-4

Underdog!

I like the thoughtfulness of this article by a teacher noticing her own lifelong penchant for the underdog. I often wonder (and usually inquire) what draws people to the field of special education. Although it is my passion now, I never would have predicted it would become so central in our lives before learning that it affected us personally. One of the first questions I have always asked professionals who work with Reid is, "what led you to this kind of work?" Partly, I am vetting their motives. Their response also reveals to me how they perceive their work. Is it education or mere respite care? What expectations do they have of themselves and of Reid to progress? Also, I am just curious what makes them tick.

Often, our very favorite professionals have had a sibling with special needs or some personal relationship that motivated them to enter the field. Their desire, skill, training, competence and compassion were born out of inclusion and a personal connection.

Hiring (and keeping) tutors can be difficult. Reid has always been a "challenging case" with his potent combination of smarts and behavior. He tests everyone who has ever tried to play or work with him. This served to increase the turn over rate at our place during the home program heyday. He still has a way of demanding the best of everyone around him as well as revealing their weaknesses. For the willing, he provided a rigorous continuing ed course. He could dish out every avoidance tactic, maladaptive behavior, and sensory issue in the book in one quick 50 minute clinical hour. I am grateful to be looking back on those days.

I would lay awake at night wondering, "What makes some people better at this than others?" (And how will I find more of them?) We had an eclectic program wanting to incorporate ample amounts of Floortime with the obligatory ABA. Following a prescribed teacher/student script of discrete trial drills can be taught relatively easily to anyone. Engaging in child-centered play as Dr. Stanley Greenspan advocated was another matter. It had to be caught. I struggled with Serena Weider coaching me to undo much of what my parenting model had been. My husband, who is far less inhibited and more playful to begin with, was more natural at it.

Three standouts in our own personal autism intervention history were Danielle, Carla, and Michelle. (I hate leaving out Ben and Angela and Becky but, they came along later.) So, can you tell already that I liked people who were willing to become family and blur the boundaries of professionalism in our best interest?!@# I refer to 'the good old days" of early intervention when our team included that triad who met weekly in my living room until Jim rolled home for dinner. I never felt alone. We had each other and plenty of ideas to put into motion. They had energy and we had money! Clearly, people motivated by challenge were ideal. Reid was not a sit-in-the-chair and parrot back trials kinda kid. As one educational therapist said of him, "He is a mover and a shaker who needs someone who can move through life with him." I liked her.

Carla came into our lives through the dreaded school district. Despite that entree, she and I connected immediately with a sister-like chemistry. I will never forget her first session with Reid. It was basically love at first sight for him as a preschooler to have this young, fun bubbly woman woo him into turn-taking, playing "guys" and singing songs together. Since we both have curly hair, I used to joke that maybe it was the curly hair gene that was the magic touch we sought when interviewing tutors. Could it be the years of managing unruly curls that pre-qualified us for excellence in autism intervention? (I obviously think highly of my own contribution to the team, don't I?) Being curly girls made us flexible, open to the idiosyncratic, able to appreciate the beauty of going around and around in circles in Floortime play therapy. We found the beauty in it, not the frustration. I loved to hear Carla tell my son, "I love the way your mind works." But alas, there is more too it than the dominant curly gene. After all, Danielle had straight hair and she was a (little-s) savior to us. Now with the benefit of Strengthsfinder, I see that I was probably seeking out others with the Achiever theme that Jim and I share and brought to parenting. Carla's Communicator and Activator themes were well suited too. Did you know Woo is actually a Strengthsfinder theme? Of course, she has that one too. Whew who!! Empathy is another theme to seek out when hiring especially for non-verbal kiddos. Imagine how helpful it is to spend time with someone who knows how you feel before you do and can prompt you with a handy English phrase?

In addition to Reid's maneuvering, our attrition was due to the eligibility of the crew. In short order, they all seemed to run off to pursue doctorates, marriage, or babies. Such is life...it gave Reid invaluable practice in the less popular social greeting: goodbye.

Reid's current case manager, the nicest guy you could imagine from the midwest, had just finished the military when his wife asked him, "If you could do anything in the world what would it be?" He replied, "teach." Good for him. Good for us. I have less time with him as they are outside my house now, so I continue to ponder what seeds were planted in his life that grew into the tireless, hopeful, consistent teacher Reid enjoys this year.

Here is one more article about a teacher who switched from regular ed to special ed based on her attachment and "falling in love" with one student. It happens all the time, see Kiara Brinkman the teacher who wrote Up High In the Trees and You're Gonna Love this Kid by Paula Kluth. Maybe the common denominator in extraordinary teachers is their genuine appreciation of each unique soul God has created as individual and different from the next as each seashell, each star, and each snowflake.


"He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." Psalm 147:3-5


"And in the church God has appointed...teachers, then workers of miracles, also those having gifts of healing, those able to help others..." 1 Corinthians 12:27-29


Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:7-9


photo credit:www.movieweb.com