The Farmer's Market Biathalon

Love the way Bari Weiss wrote this piece in the Wall Street Journal about revered Temple Grandin. It's a challenge to capture something new for those of us who've been around the block, heard Temple speak at conferences, read her books, and now seen the HBO special, but Weiss does.

My new twist is to recommend A Thorn in My Pocket, the book by Temple's mother, Eustacia Cutler, which tells the back story of her success. Her husband refused to see any potential in their daughter and in fact, sought to commit them both for being overly optimistic, if not delusional. I still get goosebumps remembering the Jewish, Holocaust-survivor therapist who told her in no uncertain terms to get out of the marriage. With dramatic flair, Cutler loves to tell, "he understood the importance of a quick getaway."

For those of us who are moms swimming up the streams of discouragement and doubt even today, this curly girl offers hope and an inspiring true story of resilience and fortitude.

"I'd be in an institution if it wasn't for her," Ms. Grandin credits her mother for insisting that she engage with society. That was a generation ago, on the east coast...and could not have been easy, forgiving, merciful or smooth. Imagine the stares.

Just this weekend, I can report real-life examples of both victory and defeat in this equivalent of an Olympic-level sport. Saturday, we aborted an attempt to eat at a new hipster restaurant, The Mission. The 30 minute wait, cable box on the sidewalk in front of the place, and a Verizon van parked nearby got the better of us. The excursion ended in bail-out mode and "to go" containers.

I count it progress nonetheless for as Stephen Kwagga said, "Try and fail, but don't fail to try." Soon, and very soon, we will return to that very Mission restaurant, wait on the patio, sit, order and eat the newfangled, "chino latino" fare and be very proud of ourselves and Reid. We never do anything just once, in this family. Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Case in point: Sunday's outing was victorious. About a month ago I decided to tackle our local Farmer's Market with Reid. Sounds simple enough but, woe to you who treat it thus. The tight alley-like setting, the throngs of shoulder-bumping patrons, the seemingly free buffet, and melange of smells actually make it a sensory disaster waiting to happen in public view. (Who's with me, on this?) At the same time, it is an opportunity for countless goals to be mastered.

Our Sunday ritual had been Allie and I making a rushed pass at it, grabbing tamales and flowers while Reid and Jim waited (sometimes circled) in the Eurovan. We'd hop in Little Miss Sunshine style, bags in hand, Allie still hankering for a crepe and me wondering why we hadn't made it a girls-only trip.

For several weeks we did just that, Allie and I leisurely sampled everything from jalapeno goat cheese to blood oranges. We made fast friends with "Frenchie," the crepe vendor and dreamed of a trip to Paris in April.

Call me a glutton for punishment, call me brave, call me a woman after Eustacia Cutler's own heart! I just couldn't stomach the idea that this couldn't be a family activity. That stubborn refusal, in my opinion, is the core of what Temple's mother possessed. It is also what Tony Attwood refers to when asked what single factor dictates a successful prognosis for a youngster on the spectrum: a determined mother with conviction.

So the past two weeks, we have set out--all four of us--with some simple parameters and pre-corrected expectations:

+ "You have $10 each to spend as you choose."

+ "Walk slowly all the way down to the flower stall, then back."

+ "Stay together."

+ "Hands stay at our side."

Third time's a charm. Yesterday, Allie and Jim were predisposed as it turned out, so Reid and I went with an out-of-town guest I hadn't seen in 12 years. Talk about challenging the system! She had actual groceries to buy for her timeshare and no prior experience with our Reid-centric machinations. Can I tell you, it went really well! We are not perfect, but we are becoming mighty flexible.

I think I broke the $10 limit, but the Sprite, cinnamon roll, cheese crepe, jalapeno bread, and balloon sword-on-a-belt were well worth it. Dolly couldn't possibly have put it in perspective, but I was impressed at how Reid waited for her at each vendor, negotiated the new variables, kept his hands to himself (other than to hug her halfway through saying, "I'm so glad you came to visit"), and noticed things we'd missed in the past. Who knew, they pipe in Frank Sinatra tunes at speakers mounted between the French linens and Philippines salt?

Each week is progressively more fun as our rapport grows with the apple man, the Sprite man at the sausage booth, the balloon man who shared, "God's given me favor with kids with autism," the Bread & Cie vendor, and of course, Frenchie, whose photo and proper name I promise to provide soon. We are now regulars and (almost) everybody knows Reid's name!

I do want a medal for this--not gold, platinum, please. And guess Who has one waiting for me?

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 1 Corinthians 9:24-26

Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. 2 Timothy 4:7-9

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Oh the Places You'll GO!

This family has gone over the hills and far away, to love their son and come to a place of accepting who he is even if it means embracing autism. Many phrases come to mind, "Whatever it takes," "what we'll do for love," and the one I hear recurrently from well-meaning friends, "I don't know how you do it." There were days, many moons ago, that honestly, I didn't quite know how I was doing it either. But what the Bible says is true, God's grace is sufficient, and we do.

So go with me here, if the strength to do what God calls each of us to do--be it autism or any other life circumstance--is not our own but His, then it doesn't matter who we are, but whose we are. If we are drawing from the same source, then any one of us could do it if we had to. Which is now my standard reply to that comment, "You'd be surprised what you can if God calls you to it." God's immeasurable grace and riches are of infinite supply. Many of us parenting autism, find new reserves of energy, creativity, stamina, and patience because God has allowed autism in our lives. What's so bad about that?

I do not wish to perpetuate the myth that these far flung adventures have any credence or magic power in and of themselves. Whether swimming with dolphins, racing with horses, or listening ad infinitum with headphones, I think the true value is in the journey not the destination. The journey for the parents is one of learning to relate differently and to accept (not change) their child. The parallel journey for the child is to discover who they are and where they fit in the world and how to trust. Having to go to greater lengths to do this with children on the spectrum, many parents demonstrate over and over again that love is the greatest motivator.

Is there a more powerful example than the cross? For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him would have eternal life. The Easter message is one of sacrificial love. Jesus, who is love, was motivated to go where no man has gone--literally to hell and back--to save you and me from a fate worse than autism.

When we do anything resembling that, whether by affording some outrageous therapy, homeshooling 'til we don't recognize ourself in the mirror, or driving illogical distances to a qualified therapist, we are following Christ, sharing in his suffering, and becoming more like Him. Go ahead and spill yourself out for someone you love; you're in good company even if the world doesn't understand.

The book, The Horse Boy was released April 14th. The British family is described here in an article in the Telegraph and the trailer of the subsequent movie as well as the movie website here. Their journey makes a fascinating story. Admirably, the family has taken the proceeds of the book and started The Horse Boy Foundation and ranch outside of Austin. If you go there, know that you take your own therapists, your own child, and do your own thing with their horses and premises. They don't have a magic bullet or even much staff; you must come to your own terms with God's own will for your own life and family. No one can do that for you.

Don't all run off to Siberia or Austin, but do lend an ear to your child's unique pulse today and tune in to how God is calling you to love.


Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:6-8


There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:17-19


As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4:1-3


The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-25

More Music Mastro

Ours was a weekend full of music that ran the gamut from Kibbles Rockin' Clubhouse hits to Coldplay covers to Mussorgsky's Hopak from "Sorochinsky Fair." Scratching in my mind are partial tracks from each of these as I face Monday morning. My husband was hanging on by the hair of his chinny chin chin to keep up with the whirlwind schedule the kids and I had memorized.  Reid sang at least 4 times from the Walk Now for Autism stage on Saturday.  Allie played flute in the first San Diego Youth Symphony concert of the season. High brow, low brow, we were all over town.

The San Diego Youth Symphony honors a music educator each year who has devoted their career to developing young musicians.  Dean Hickman, chosen this year, gave a brief but moving acceptance speech. You know I love music and its myriad benefits are already swirling around like visions of sugarplums in my head. I spent last week helping write the mission statement and vision for Banding Together, a non-profit organization newly established "to make music with people with special needs to unleash their creative potential and connect in community." (I've memorized that after tweaking and typing it so many times.)  

So, Mr. Hickman's sentiments are ringing in my ears.  As he eloquently said, music is the universal language.  By teaching it, we prepare future leaders of the world with character, discipline, and skills in every discipline from math and physics to diplomacy and foreign language.  His own son grew up in the ranks of the SDYS and is now a principal trumpet player for a symphony in the midwest. He told of international travel opportunities where students unable to communicate one word of each other's language could sit down and engage at length over a piece of Mozart music.  So strong is the language of music. Agreed.

Given our family dynamic, I couldn't help but notice one itty bitty inaccuracy. When the inimitable conductor touted his truly outstanding program, he pointed out the beauty of this annual concert is that it features all five levels of the SDYS program thereby displaying the development and progression of musicians through every ability level. Well...almost every ability.  

I am not suggesting that the SDYS take on students with diagnosed disability. But rather, wouldn't it be nice if a similar program existed that really was fully inclusive? Well, it just soon may! 

Maybe not in the classical vein but with a similar goal of developing musical talent at all levels. Only a few precedents exist that I have been able to unearth. The Naturals is a band in Chicago founded by music therapists at the Creative Music Exchange. They have attained attention from the media here if you want to hear them.

Keys to the Studio in Toronto is another one.  People inside and outside the disability world are excited about this place.  News coverage lists the professionals who volunteer and connect under the studio roof.  Listening to the CBC audio interview with founders, John Jowitt and Salina Eldon, gives me goosebumps.  As he says, "music is an open, infinite field that allows for all kinds of sound.  It is also a method of communication and a way of seeing what's in peoples' minds. The connection that you develop when playing music with someone is very strong...and leads to social connection..which is really helpful integrating people with each other."  I want to meet this guy!

In order to allow artistic expression and build trust, there is no right and wrong at Keys to the Studio.  Doesn't this smack wonderfully of Greenspan's Floortime and RDI?  By following the child's lead, withholding preconceived expectations and accepting each other's ideas as valuable, we build relationship and engagement.  As this generation of autism grows up, the world will need more programs like this for teens and young adults.

As I manned the MTCCA booth last Saturday at the Walk, I was quickly reminded how much music has driven and transformed Reid's development.  I could honestly say to the throngs of parents filing through the resource fair:  "Reid grew up the songs in the In Harmony curriculum. Before they were published, Angela used them in her private sessions with him."  "Until age 8, everything he knew he'd learned through music" (counting, the alphabet, greetings, sharing, Bible verses, the Lord's prayer, days of the week, months of the year, continents).  "Music engages him instantly because with it he can access both sides of his brain." 

We call her Lady Babyish now, but the female voice on an old Discovery Toys (check out the new Autism Program on their site) "Sounds Like Fun" cassette was his first teacher.  She covered a lot of ground with him at naptime, bedtime, and drive time.  Thankfully, we've progressed from there to more age-appropriate musical selections.  Much to my dismay, my car radio is now tuned to Star 94 and I am having to edify "Laura's Dirt" and Jeff and Jer's morning show on a regular basis.  Reid, "you know 'dirt' is actually gossip which is harmful. Remember what Judy Rogers (another awesome early musical educator in Bible literacy) sang about the seven things God hates"? Be that as it may, music remains a great vehicle for lifetime learning, recreation, and "therapy" at any level.

The vision for Banding Together includes a recording studio space where professional and amateur musicians, of truly ALL abilities, can pursue their passion together. Turning obsession into vocation as Temple Grandin exemplifies and advocates in her book, "Developing Talents," can happen--not in a vacuum--but in community with others who share the same passion. Through mentorship, jam sessions, workshops, open mic nights and recording opportunities, we intend to take the goals of the SDYS to the "n"th degree. Stay tuned...

As they make music they will sing, "All my fountains are in you." 

Psalm 87:6-7

So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. 

Matthew 25:24-26


But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 

1 Corinthians 7:6-8

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him.  

Proverbs 6:15-17

The Power of Identifying Strengths

Arguably the two most articulate and successful adults with autism are Temple Grandin and John Robison. Their insight, personal experience, and advice is invaluable to those living with and on the spectrum. Their books are honest overviews of the challenges of growing up with autism as well as the ability, hope, and potential that can materialize from every hurdle. Watching these two clips, one is struck by the advice they give in unison: to identify and pursue special interests as a key to adult independence and success.

The truth of which they speak is underscored by their very different upbringings of a generation ago. In Robison's case, being obsessed with electronics and pyrotechnics provided an escape route from a dangerously dysfunctional home. In Grandin's case, it cost her mother her marriage and almost her life to follow a gut feeling that Temple had cognitive ability. Temple's mother, Eustacia Cutler, tells her own story on tour and in the book, A Thorn in My Pocket. It is inspirational to hear this genteel woman describe how she stood in the face of major opposition to save her daughter from an institution. Unknowingly she was also paving the way for future generations of different learners and those who advocate for them.

Whether it is Star Wars, math, mechanics, electronics, animation, music, or trains, niche interests (some would say splinter skills) can lead to significance, life purpose, and world changing contributions. Developing and nurturing those strengths should color the way we write IEP's, choose summer camps, and spend free time.

Click here for the video of John Robison at the top of this news story. It is a very abridged version of the book, Look Me In the Eye. And here is the latest trailer of Temple:





Know that wisdom is thus for your soul; If you find it, then there will be a future, And your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:13-15

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:4-6


My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Psalm 139:14-16

If Genius is not Normal--What Is?

What do you say when you hear someone has autism? Hard to know anymore...is it good news, bad news, or just interesting news? One of the top ten reactions I used to hear when telling others about my son is something like this, "Oh, is he really good at math? Is he one of those savants?" Well, no I don't believe he is. Reid is not savant but he is smart and skilled and capable. I am not a genius either but God thinks I am a MonaLisa!

Stephen Wiltshire, featured in the video above, is an architectural artist with unbelievable talent and a mind which clearly puts him in the autistic savant category. His achievement is inspirational and unattainable to us. Like the miracles recorded in the Bible, stories of savant accomplishment strengthen our faith and hope by their superlative extreme. Seeing mountain tops can lift us up from the valley. Even if we don't climb to the top, our eyes are set higher by knowing someone else has.

When Temple Grandin speaks, she often shows a slide of Albert Einstein's brain scan to illustrate that his genius was in fact, abnormality. Can you embrace what that really means? Would you rather be normal or a genius? Would you rather have a genius child or a normal child? The very questions strike are absurd? Alternatively, why don't we eliminate "normal" from our vocabulary? Who among us is normal? Who strives for it? Who is satisfied with it? Not one of us is normal in the eyes of God.

Brittany Maier was born fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God with a sizable chunk (or maybe just a sliver) of His passion for music. She was also born blind, premature, and autistic. I think it is important to view savants not as freaks of nature or purely in amazement. We need to let them inspire greatness and mutual respect in us. The Wisconsin Medical Society has an awesome site devoted to savants. Perceiving others among us as talented changes their future, their self-perception, and our interactions. Try it!

"God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him." Genesis 1:27

"With your own eyes you saw those great trials, those miraculous signs and great wonders. But to this day the LORD has not given you a mind that understands or eyes that see or ears that hear." Deuteronomy 29:3


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Living with Brain Dysfunction

Some struggle to know what it is like to experience autism or any other neurological condition. Books like Temple Grandin's Thinking in Pictures articulate and assist us in walking a mile in someone else's shoes. This thought provoking video of the "singing scientist" describes her perception, orientation, and functioning during a stroke.  It is a rare glimpse into the reality some encounter daily. Her description of making a phone call mid-stroke reminds me of my son's struggle with handwriting. It also leads me to ponder our leaving this life and the promise of heaven.





Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.
Luke 23:46

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4