A Good Trade

He shot off the school bus forcing back tears. Running straight to his room, shutting the door he began an intense conversation with himself. "Mom, stay out I need privacy," may have been shown more clearly than it was said. I kept a distance while he brought a half dozen reusable shopping bags from the garage and filled them with the VCR tapes that line his desk. The self-talk was emotional and heart wrenching:

"Please don't take them away."

"You don't need those anymore."

"You can do it Reid. Just give me a bag."

"Allie I'm so sorry I've wasted your time." sobbing

"Will you forgive me?"

I sat on the stairs interceding, texting my prayer partner, and absorbing the significance of this cathartic scene. It was painful to sit and watch yet, promising. Wondering what had gone down at school that day, I was sure this must be a step in the progressive breakthrough we've been asking for. Victory is coming over the addictions and obsessions Reid battles. I knew for sure I hadn't prompted the video removal this time. It was entirely spontaneous and self-initiated.

As his tears and intensity subsided, I noticed the approaching dinner hour. In the drama, it completely slipped my mind that Tobias, Area Director of our newly launched Young Life Capernaum ministry, was coming at 5:00pm to hang out for their long anticipated "contact" time. Oh boy:/ Finally, now?! How would this possibly play out?

I spared Tobias the blow by blow and began the old spiel I give every first time caregiver and respite worker. Reciting the steps to structured success and doling out $5 for the ritual trip to Roberto's, I paused. Wait! The Spirit prompting me now, Let this be a new leaf. Let me show you the new thing I am doing.

I backed off, "I'll be upstairs if you need me, do whatever you want." Leaving them in the family room with the tv still on, I returned to my prayer stair. Before I knew it my tears started to flow.

Not only did Reid turn off the tv (an unheard of action usually requiring at least 10 minutes of negotiation and transition), but he promptly took the chord charts from Tobias' binder and broke into the purest form of worship this side of the pearly gates.

They continued for an hour through praise song after praise song about God's love. He Knows my Name...How He Loves Us...Mighty to Save...

Like a natural born worship leader, Reid called out lyrics to an invisible audience. Side by side they brought down the presence of the Lord to inhabit the praises of His people.

Those songs of deliverance perfectly timed, were the antidote to Reid's traumatic day, the encouragement of things to come, a replacement for what he laid down, and salve on the wounds of loss represented in those four shopping bags of dvd's.

All I could think of was how that day, that appointment--unbeknownsdt to us--had been ordained long before in order to answer our call for help and give him something better in return for the idols he was casting down.

Relating easily now, he and Tobias made a plan to sing every other Thursday leading others in worship. For such a time as this, Capernaum is in San Diego....and not just for Reid.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:13-15

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me...to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair. Isaiah 61

Finisher

Reid holds onto two photos of his baptism--really of the crowd who attended his baptism. They were in a frame on his desk that has long since folded, literally. Now they are loose leaf and so much easier to cherish. They float around the house and turn up wherever he leaves them.

When he holds them, he lovingly drawls out the names of the people he sees with legato musical phrasing, "Caaarla," Joshhhhhhhhh!" It's sweet.

Yesterday, it was more than just sweet. With new eyes to see what is happening in the unseen spiritual world, I grasped the symbolism and promise he holds in those photos.

They don't come out by accident when the cleaning lady organizes his dresser; they come out when he is searching for meaning in life or feeling weary, neglected, discouraged. They came out last Saturday.

There are 379 photos from that day, but the one that does it for him is of the throng of people applauding as he returned to the beach shivering with glee. They were present for a profound moment of belonging. Certainly now if not before, they belong to him and he to them. They love him and he loves them.

At breakfast, I was able to articulate, "Reid, I love remembering your baptism. God made a covenant with you that day. He began a new thing when you were baptized. You died and rose again out of the water with Christ , like Jesus did on the cross."

He was totally attentive with 8 hash browns left, so I went on, "And you know what, God is a finisher. He is the author and finisher of our faith. Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished." His Word says He will finish the good work He began in you." Those are promises and He is a God who always keeps His promises."

What's a momento that strengthens your spirit for the journey?

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. John 4:33-35

When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, With your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, God. Your love is eternal—don't quit on me now. Psalm 138:6-8

...we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. Hebrews 12:1-3 Amplified

Photo credit and thanks to Doug Miller.

Sing a New Song

I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:26-28

He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the LORD and put their trust in him. Psalm 40:2-4

Almost every Sunday morning as we coast the 2 miles downhill to church (coffee or smoothie in hand), Reid breaks spontaneously into a praise song. (His memory for lyrics is astounding, not to mention the artist who's recorded it and what track it is on which of their albums.)

Eight times out of 10, the song Reid picks en route ends up being on the church bulletin that very Sunday! It's uncanny. This didn't dawn on me at first but, it has happened enough now that I am quite sure of the correlation. (All of us learn through repetition.)

Last week, he and I drove alone so instead of the usual foursome belting out the prophetic pre-worship selection, I was able to ask him, "Reid, how do you think of what song to sing in the car?"

After the usual pregnant pause I offered, "Does the Lord tell you which song?"

Immediately, "Yes the Lord gives it to me."

Is anything too hard for the Lord? Even if we struggle to communicate with ones profoundly language delayed, the God who made us all in His image, has a way.

As Hans Christian Andersen said, when words fail, music speaks. Music is the language of the soul, as another blogger points out.

Karen Kingsbury's fictional book, Unlocked, gave me much food for thought. She portrays Holden, a teenager with autism, with a close friends who unlocks his potential as well as the meaning behind some of his self stims. When he rocks, he is interceding for classmates.

I wonder if we gave our guys more credit for having spiritual gifts and disciplines, if they would grow into maturity?

Might we too, as they teach us in the process?

Taking Notes

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:3-5

In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise— Psalm 56:9-11

I have written before about how and why Reid sits in the sanctuary with us Sunday mornings. Nothing thrills my soul more than watching him diligently pen the key words from the sermon into his bulletin outline each week.

In a single glance down the pew, a series of images flash before my mind's eye:

...vestiges of his chubby little toddler hand...countless squatty golf pencils we collected to force a pincer grasp...hours of seemingly futile occupational therapy to correct the prehensile grasp...the vanquished hope that he would ever write his name...the introduction of an AlphaSmart keyboard goal to teach him typing instead...the accepting other approach of his private teacher Becky who simply suggested "it might be easier to hold it this way..."

...not to mention the treasure chest of rewards amassed (actually Panera cinnamon rolls) to "pay-off" staying in the pew for 2, 5, 15, then 20 minutes.......all those milestones and more that perhaps only another mother could appreciate (not to name names, but here's one).

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:18-20

Victory comes in slow small strokes that, before you know it, spell a sentence.

Top 10 Tuesday

Top 10 Reasons to Volunteer at KidsGames

10. You can act like a 6 year old for an entire week

9. You will receive more hugs and high fives than you ever have in your life!

8. Adults mentoring young adults…young adults mentoring students…students mentoring children

7. You get that really amazing FARMER’S TAN!

6. You get to participate in an experience where kids experience Jesus

5. You will get to see a high ranking church official take a pie in the face!

4. You get to participate in the inwardly strong vision of our church family expressed tangibly in the outward focused mission

3. It’s the only time each year dancing is REQUIRED in a Presbyterian Church!

2. You will be part of changing a life forever

1. Yet, another Free T Shirt!

Alleluias after Easter!

Are there memories etched in your mind that would be establishing shots in a movie of your life? Have you ever wandered aimlessly alone through a bookstore and found a book that was written just for you?

I have. One cold, wintry night 9 years ago in a suburb of Chicago, I was encouraged by my husband to "just get out for awhile." As ever, I found myself inevitably combing the shelves of a bookstore in search of something very specific but nothing in particular. That night I found a little gem, Changed by A Child by Barbara Gill, that satisfied my craving.

If I were to go out tonight on that same hunt, I am sure I'd come home carrying Autism & Alleluias by Kathy Deyer Bolduc. This handheld, personal treasure is a godsend of hopeful, gutsy true grit that lets me know I am still not alone on this road through adolescent autism to glory.

My copy is already circled, starred, underlined and doggeared. I don't think there has ever been a book that scratched so many of my itches. Like a psalmist, Kathy tells it like it is in raw poetic honesty. In each of 39 vignettes, she captures God's intended purpose in real challenges and celebrates how her son, Joel, has shown her His grace.

She does not stifle the truth like a proverbial church lady, but writes candidly enough to have me welling up and ultimately sobbing at the beauty of almost every 2-page devotional.

She gets the daily calls from school; she knows the "anger that's been tamped down for months;" she "reads his moods like an investor watches the stock market;" "exhaustion is her constant companion." AND (not but), it has made her holy.

Her "body remains in the front pew of College Hill Presbyterian Church, but her spirit stands in the sacred presence of God." I love that line!

Thank you Kathy for being one of the saints who has gone before and written it done for our benefit. I would add you to the Hebrews 11 Hall of Fame after Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses and Rahab.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect. Hebrews 11:39-40

If you are free tomorrow at 2:00 EDT, tune into a webinar with the author. "A Place Called Acceptance" (click here to register) will also include Bill Gaventa, Editor of the Journal of Religion, Disability, and Health, and Ginny Thornbugh, program director for the Interfaith Initiative of the American Association of People with Disabilities.

Outside the Bubble

This is gonna be short and sweet. Day 3 was full.

I was on the road, away from my desk, which can be disorienting and tiring to someone with the spiritual gift of administration. Believe it or not, I actually like sitting at a computer tapping away--be it blogging or my current assignment of managing the minutia required to register 2,400 people for 116 service projects on our church's Community Serve Day. The deluge of interest in this huge undertaking is remarkable. People are driving from L.A. (2 + hours away) to volunteer with us!

Lately, I might be tempted to equate my "job" of serving the Lord with clearing my email inbox of change orders, cancellations, duplications, and other miscellaneous modifications to the Serve Day website. (I am proud of those logos.) Being on the run today--dropping Kat's car off for service, delivering breakfast to someone in crisis, reporting for my weekly library duty at Allie's school and then back for "College Night"--felt like shirking my responsibility.

Actually, I got my authentic Christian payoff when someone in my path midday said, "Wow, that was like divine intervention that you were here to hear that. Who else could I have told?" All I'd done was a little reflective listening and candid sharing of my own perceptions about something non-spiritual, I assure you. How gratifying to watch God show up for this person who I thoroughly enjoy, have actually come to love, and am nervous to offend with any holy roller vibe.

Being an authentic Christian rarely happens at church or on Sunday or even with other Christians. It can I suppose, but more often to really serve Him, we must follow Christ, trusting Him to lead us outside the bubble where authentic seekers seek. I might admit to preferring the safety of church ladies and comfort of cookie exchanges. Nobody loves a holy huddle more than I do. I'm not particularly outspoken and I prefer harmony to conflict. In a spiritual gift inventory, I think evangelism is 13th on my list.

Nonetheless, by showing up, being myself, and abiding in Him, others call out my faith and start using the very lingo I am trying to avoid to make sure they're comfortable!

Wild and crazy! And outside my own doing. I like that.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. John 15:3-5

Vision Accomplished

Life holds many ironies. Here's the latest I've noticed in our life.

When Reid reached about 3rd grade, Sunday school became a virtually impossibility. Worship time was engaging but breaking into small groups for discussion was Reid's cue to wander the campus. The entirely auditory exercise without visual support was beyond his ability to comprehend.

That year, I was serving as an Age-Level Coordinator, so that I could "float" and supervise, not teach, thereby be available to troubleshoot the classroom where Reid was. Sounds great in theory but one awkward Sunday morning it all came to a head. I never officially resigned, but they knew I was done. With one desperate glance and a furtive sigh, I looked up harriedly at the interim director of Children's Ministry and said, "I can't do this!" We haven't spoken since, beyond a polite "hello," nor have I been solicited to volunteer again.

The most expedient way for us to "do church" from that point on, was to have Reid join us in the sanctuary. Although we did it under duress and stubborn refusal to skip church, let me itemize the reasons why this might be preferable in the grander scheme. I realize them only in hindsight.

1. Reid practices the adult life skill of attending in a large group

2. The service is predictable and structured, therefore "safe"

3. Leaders from the pulpit are more consistent than the Sunday school volunteers

4. He experiences worship and more music--his best comprehension channel

5. The pastors recognize Reid

6. Reid knows his pastors

7. Our church family participates in Reid's progress

8. Friends are reminded of "the least of these" Jesus came to save

9. Friends around us are blessed by Reid's uninhibited singing

10. Reid is around people with typical language and behavior to model

Any others come to mind?

Here's the irony: Our church has recently embraced a shift in perspective on Next Generation ministry. Junior and Senior High students are being included in worship once a month and there is an expressed goal of flipping the ratio commonly associated with Children's Ministry and childcare settings. 1 adult to 5 children seems a safe and nurturing ratio. The church is aiming to reverse that so that 5 adults know every 1 student by name, care about them, even pray for them as they leave for college.

For once, (or as usual?) Reid is ahead of the game. Practically everyone knows his name! Even the Panera clerk where we religiously head afterwards. She has his "usual" bear claw and lemonade plated up before we reach the front of the line.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways. And My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:7-9

Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there. Genesis 32:28-30

Introducing.....Top 10 Tuesday!

Reid has a precious few friends. One of them is the youth pastor at our church. He'd like to have a playdate with Billy Jack, or a sleepover. I am hard pressed almost every Sunday to explain, "we can't really do that." "But, why not?" he implores." "Billy Jack is a good man." Social mores, fooey?!!?! You try to explain the invisible hidden fabric of our society.

Perhaps one reason Reid is so enamored with this pastor in particular, is a command performance he gives every May. Billy Jack runs up the center aisle of our church as if into the end zone to deliver the "Top 10 Reasons to Volunteer at Kids Games."

KidsGames, is a much modernized version of Vacation Bible School, requiring record numbers of adults to staff. In order to pull it off, Billy Jack must start early, make a big splash, and get everyone's attention. Reid absolutely LOVES the fanfare! (The actual week of KidsGames has long been too much commotion for his central nervous system, but he eagerly awaits the 2 minute simulation of its rollicking antics.)

It can be the middle of December and he will ask an unsuspecting Billy Jack on the patio, "when will you do the announcement?" He doesn't want to miss that Sunday...nor does he want to be caught off guard.

Maybe this is why his arrival routine (after high fiving Billy Jack) is to rush up the stairs to the ushers' pew, grab a program and immediately check who's on the docket. Is he checking who's preaching? What songs we'll sing? Or whether it is time for the Top Ten List? All of the above, I'm sure.

In that spirit of anticipation, I am instituting "Top 10 Tuesday" as a place to vent some items that have been accumulating in my mind. Jim reminds me that means 52 lists a year. I may have to ask for a little help along the way.

Tune in next Tuesday for "Top 10 Reasons to Look for a New Doctor"

OR

Leave me a comment suggesting a "Top 10 List" you'd like to see.

How Do You Do It (with a smile)? Entry 4

The first family I pictured when we learned Reid had autism was the Hooker's. They sat right in front of us (in practically assigned seating) at church every Sunday. At the time, they were the only ones I knew who had a child with a disability.  Not bad role models, as you'll know after you read this guest post from Kristi Hooker.

Twelve years later, after alot of reading, training, and experience, Kristi and her husband John remain primary role models to us of how to joyfully serve your spouse and your family. We've moved back a few pews from our old spot, so their consistent presence, often arms around each other, continues to inspire and convince us that "all things are possible through Christ who strengthens us." (Philippians 4:13)

How do I “do life” with a severely-handicapped child?  Sometimes I do it well, sometimes not…but I always have the assurance that I do not walk this difficult path alone. 

Katie Jo was our firstborn on Thanksgiving Day in 1977, three years into our marriage.  She will be 32 in November.  Our sons are 29 and 27.  Katie Jo (KJ) is severely handicapped with cerebral palsy (from birth), unable to speak (with words), sit or walk.  She has a seizure disorder, a feeding tube and is microcephalic.  Her sleeping for the first 27 years was sporadic at best.  

This probably sounds pretty overwhelming but let me fill you in on what KJ has going for her: Since April of 2005, after being on whey protein for several months, KJ began sleeping through the night.  Now it is rare if she doesn’t sleep through the night!  What a huge blessing this has been!!  Katie Jo also has the best smile (and giggles) in the world (okay, I’m a bit biased!); she has a very sweet nature, taking in everything going on, maintaining eye contact with her bright eyes, responsive to everything around her at (we believe) at least a 6-year-old level.  

God graciously provided a ceiling lift in our home in October of 2001 so we can move our sweet 70 pound bundle from wheelchair to couch to mat on floor to bathtub.  This is just one example of the numerous ways our amazing God has provided for our needs over all of these years.  I cannot imagine doing any of this without God’s help, through various doctors, nurses, family, friends and even sometimes through people we didn’t even know!  Jesus has walked with us every step of the way, whether we always acknowledged that or felt it.  He is always trustworthy…and full of grace.  And He keeps teaching me things about my mothering.  

You see, I didn’t struggle that much with KJ’s cerebral palsy as a mom because it gave me more opportunities to nurture, to care for…but this wasn’t as true for our boys, who have suffered from intense worry and fear, as they were processing things from a child’s perspective.  Wow!  God opened my eyes through a book I was reading, then through Bible study questions in CBS, then through a trusted Christian counselor, who helped me write a letter to our grown sons in which I asked for forgiveness for ignoring or not seeing or discounting their fears in those early years, which led them into such pain as young men.  With the Holy Spirit’s help, we have all experienced a lot of healing, which continues to this day.  God has taught me that “stuffed, unexpressed feelings” do not go away (no matter how strong your faith)…they must be dealt with, which involves work and pain and tears.

As for Katie Jo, she is pure delight!  We believe she is the most spiritual among us.  God has shown us in various ways how He is ministering to her, which gives us such comfort.  Her smiles light up our darkest days!  I often talk with her about the ministry that she has…a ministry of smiles and joy and prayer.  KJ knows that Jesus hears every prayer she voices (inside).  I tell her that Jesus made her beautiful on the outside and on the inside (in her heart).  My husband, John, is amazing with KJ; he is totally involved in her care, which is a huge help to me.

One thing I (we) have learned over the years is to ask for help…and to graciously accept it.  That’s what the Body of Christ is all about…whether helping or being helped, both experience the blessing of God.  If we had not accepted help, I tell people I would probably be sitting in a corner somewhere in tears.  God never intended for us to go it alone; we need each other.

My best lifeline for “doing life with a severely-handicapped child” is being involved in Bible Study on a regular basis.  I have been involved with Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) or Community Bible Study (CBS), both of which involve reading the Bible, answering questions, sharing your answers in a small group and listening to a lecture on the material.  What a lifesaver to have the prayer support of the wonderful women in my group!!  

It is important not to neglect your spouse, either.  It’s good to “play together” as well as to “pray together.”  John and I have found that it is hard to stay mad at each other when we pray together! We are also involved in a small group at church which has been a place to be real, transparent and safe…truly a treasure.

Life is complicated…and more so with KJ’s special needs. I’m not saying it’s easy (at all) but we have found our life to be rich in God’s grace and full of joy amidst the sorrow.

Kristi Hooker           

Hide or See?

It's the morning after...World Autism Awareness Day. Yesterday, I was betwixt and beholden to post something, anything....but not knowing quite what?

I actually struggled all week with procrastination. My husband's absence on a two week surfari and several extra writing projects (Form 1023 for a 501 C3, brochure copy, and website for Banding Together) have combined to erect a sizable writer's blockade in my mind. My expressive language may be delayed but the receptive is graciously intact; I am still reading my RSS feed! Listening to this talk by Jess Wilson's at the Greater Hartford Autism Speaks Walk Kickoff released the floodgates for me:




So, I pray this morning after and all month (since April is Autism Awareness Month), that people will take that momentous first step and be more aware. As Jess says, "awareness is not the end goal but the first step." Like a parent witnessing a toddler take her first wobbly steps, I audibly gasped to open a post yesterday on the Living Proof Ministry blog. To my surprised delight, Beth Moore, the mega-Bible teacher, acknowledged World Autism Awareness Day by sharing the testimony of a mom and a call for prayers in the comment field for others experiencing autism. I love it when worlds collide like that and I hear about autism (my one planet) in an evangelical faith blog (my other zone) or in my husband's surfing environmentalism sphere. Truly, that cross pollination is evidence of growing awareness.

I spoke a couple weeks ago to the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group that meets at our church. The topic they gave me was "Raising a Special Needs Child." Knowing there'd only be a few in the audience who'd consider themselves in that category (in those tender years), I tried to generalize my points to make them more widely applicable. At the outset, I asked for a show of hands, "how many of you know a child with autism...be it neighbor, cousin, nephew, or classmate?" I was stunned when 80% of the hands went up. Had I known, I might have prepared differently and shared our story with an emphasis on "ways to help a child with autism." Next time:)

As Jess Wilson mentions, this is why we tell our stories, it is why we blog, and why we don't hide in our houses. Our transparency and willingness to be vulnerable in our own circles of influence, are how awareness happens. If the world is ever going to be a hospitable place for our kids to live independently, we need to educate. If awareness is the first step, then the ultimate goal is full inclusion.

I've been convicted lately within our church of ways that I have chosen to cop out and take the easier path of hiding, rather than doing the instruction that must precede inclusion. We practice our own avoidance strategies don't we? First for survival, and then out of habit. For example, my family has not been to an All Church Retreat in 11 years. Reid has not been included with his same age peers in Sunday school since 3rd grade. At that point it seemed easier to keep him with us in the sanctuary, under the shelter of our wings, so to speak. To side-step the unstructured, choatic coffee hour, we've taken the liberty of letting him watch a video in an empty upper room. Not too many people are "aware" of this arrangement; Reid is truly out of sight out of mind, for them.

Granted, it is emotionally draining to be exposed all the time. And educators have a high burn out rate. Lately though I am feeling that in our family, we've reached a tipping point where our "hiding" is doing a disservice to Reid and to others. In the name of self-preservation, I have robbed our friends and community of powerful, life-changing interactions that God may have intended for their personal growth.

Biblically speaking, my son (and everyone of us) is indispensable to the body of Christ. For a time-- in my exhaustion, isolation, and vulnerability to the Enemy--I bought the lie that it was selfish for me to ask for extra staff, a buddy, or modifications in order for Reid to participate in church events. I am beginning to see that without realizing it, I may have denied others the opportunity "to receive the gift of Reid" in the words of our senior high youth director. The truth is: it is actually prideful of me to take care of it myself.

It's the morning after...what have you learned?



The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. 1 Corinthians 12:21-23


God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. 2 Samuel 22:20-22 and Psalm 18:19-21 The Message


So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done for you. " I assure you: A slave is not greater than his master, and a messenger is not greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. John 13:15-17

A happening in my neck of the woods

Last month, an unprecedented gathering of the special needs community of faith took place at Mission Hills Church in San Marcos. The Concert of Prayer was born as a burden on the heart of one pastor's wife to be praying for those who experience special needs. A moving and shaking mother advocate pulled together several others who embraced the conviction as parents or professionals and our committee was born.

Our aim was to include everyone who is touched by special needs --from parents, to therapists, to bus drivers, to pastors, to intercessors--and unite our hearts in prayer. That night, the most exciting thing was being all together under one roof. The 85 who came shared many emotions and life circumstances as well as a pursuit of the same Shepherd. The diversity, and the unity, in one room was remarkable--a little slice of God's kingdom come.

The background song on the slideshow, "Fellow Traveler" by Ginny Owens, is one I sing at the top of my lungs in traffic cruising up and down Highway 5. The lyrics describe our pilgrimage here and the antidote to the all-to-common loneliness that resonates in the disability experience. It can feel like we're alone--the only one with this or that reality--and no one understands. The Concert of Prayer is a visual reminder that that is simply not true! We are in this together.

The song is made all the more special because Ginny Owens became a friend when she sang at our church Christmas Eve a couple years ago. She is a living testament of walking by faith not by sight. Comfortable in her own skin and blindness, she inspires and jokes and relates the guts of the gospel to me. I appreciate her musical bread crumbs that often lead this "fellow beggar" to a place where there is "rest...and true happiness"...as the lyrics go...

The beat rolls on; The enthusiasm was such that we have already begun planning for another Concert of Prayer soon. An inter-church council of churches with special needs ministries is emerging as well from the drawing board. I love when the Lord leads and answers prayer in bigger and better ways than we could have imagined!


"...always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, Philippians 1:3-5



Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. Psalm 84:4-6


"What is the outcome then? I will pray with the spirit and I will pray with the mind also; I will sing with the spirit and I will sing with the mind also." 1 Corinthians 14:14-16

Praying with Lior

Praying with Lior, is an awesome film about the Bar Mitzvah and life ministry of a young man with Down Syndrome. His full inclusion at a Jewish day school, the importance of his community, and his charisma are powerful examples to me of God's kingdom come, God's will being done on earth.

Lior's honest candor and sense of humor warm my heart and draw me to a God in whose image He is surely made. As his Dad says, "he's not stupid; retarded, but not stupid. There's a difference." Ilana Trachtman interviews Lior here, fielding questions about the production and their first meeting.

What a thoughful disability awareness curriculum this study guide of questions and verses from the Old Testament would be for teens coming of age in either the Old or New Testament tradition. Lior has an undeniable spiritual gift of wisdom. What strikes me anew, as it did during Reid's preparation for baptism, is how marvelous it is that the Bible is at once complex and simple. Reid, through the purity of his testimony song and Lior, through his innate preaching distill it to the fundamentals.

As much as I wrote about Reid's baptism, I do not think I ever posted the resulting video. To our immense gratitude, one of the pastors at the beach that day said, "the whole congregation must see this." He arranged for the professional recording of Reid in our family room so this slideshow was shown on New Member Sunday. The ironic twist for me was that after many years of whining and complaining for programs at church that would serve Reid, now as he comes of age, he is in fact, ministering to the church body. God turned upside down and inside out, what I thought I wanted or we deserved. A kind of ministry was born in which he was serving rather than being served.





And he stood and blessed all the assembly of Israel with a loud voice, saying... 1 Kings 8:54-56


The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. Psalm 19:6-8




...but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, 1 Corinthians 1:26-28

Elf on the Spectrum

Elf is a favorite movie of ours this time of year. It's not about the real reason for Christmas--which I usually prefer--but it does tap into two of my special interests: adoption and autism.

Buddy crawls into Santa's bag at an orphanage and ends up being raised by a very fatherly elf played by Bob Newhart. His dad honorably encourages when he wants to search for his birthparents in New York City...and is there for him when he returns.

I get a kick out of Buddy, the elf, who has to learn the ways of what seems like a different planet. When he arrives in New York City, he has much to learn. Despite the warnings from his adoptive father that gum on the street is not free candy, he enjoys it all. How is he to know that waving people are hailing cabs not being friendly and the "world's best cup of coffee" is merely an overused idiom. Oh, how Carol Gray's Social Stories would help him or Michelle Garcia Winner's You are a Social Detective book or a book on idioms!

Like those articulate adults on the autism spectrum who liken their experience to being anthropologists from Mars or citizens on the Wrong Planet, Buddy will have to study hard and have many tutors before he can even pretend to be "normal" or fit in. Innately, he is not at all bad though. Actually, his honesty and sweetness are refreshing to some. His idiosyncracies makes him vulnerable though, to others and are a social obstacle to overcome.

Countless moments come to mind when Reid has done quirky and "socially inappropriate things" (that's how you get the diagnosis, after all). Depending on your prerogative the things on that list can range from being appalling to endearing. I am the first to correct him, sometimes. Other times, I like to enjoy the luxury and gift of sitting back and purely accepting, appreciating the unique creation that he is, his magnificent mind, and his own perspective on the world.

I recall once during a church service when he was giggling, flirting, and practically dancing with the woman behind us. She is now a friend who I know, trust, and love but, at the time I hadn't met her. Feeling responsible to uphold his "program goals" and maintain the decorum of the service, I kept shushing him and using those not-so-magic words like, "quiet voice," "eyes in front," and who knows what else. Their shenanigans continued. Clearly, both were enjoying the interaction. This animated woman was instigating him not to mention distracting from my effort. I was torn between the two sides of my love. The soft side wanting to encourage their soul connection and get her phone number; the hard side towing the line on behavioral reinforcement.

These are the kind of internal dilemmas that give me neck pain. He really wasn't doing anything morally wrong. In fact, one could argue he was setting a better example than others of hospitality and worship by giving his whole self in the moment. What's a mom to do? Love unconditionally or train toward independence? Both, in turns I suppose.

Maybe this Christmas for just a day or even a hour, while school is out and no one's looking, let's let our kids be who they are without any correction. Let them refresh our perspective on the planet and the kingdom.



I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Mark 10:14-16


Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13:1-3



They are focused on earthly things, but our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20

Kingsmen Rock!

The Kingsmen recorded a debut CD last month. I hardly know where to begin to itemize the cornucopia of blessings it holds.

It is beautiful from so many angles. Takes me back to a sculpture class I took for my art history degree. There was something so obvious, yet eye-opening about walking around a work of art to appreciate it, as opposed to standing in one spot in front of a painting.

Music, even more than sculpture, is multi-dimensional, changing with each hearing, venue, and circumstance of the listener. 

The Kingsmen is a band of four guys who are all clients of the Music Therapy Center of California. They range in age from 10-15 and rehearse weekly with Rachel Gant as a facilitator. Charlie, Conor, Kenton and Reid hone many skills in order to make music together. They interact as a team, read each other's body language, listen intently for cues, tolerate diverse senses of humor, exercise patience, and encourage each other to new milestones. Their commitment and willingness to perform have yielded an incredible sense of confidence and achievement in each of them.

Without any precedent of what to expect, the Kingsmen pulled out all the stops to capture their current repertoire of hits including Three Little Birds by Bob Marley, Meant to Live by Switchfoot, and the live crowd pleaser, Hang On Sloopy. Each of the band members have a solo on the CD which rounds out the project. During the 3-hour recording session there were many smiles, and a definite mix of jubilation, fatigue, and concentration. Working toward a common goal, the boys now have something concrete to show for their efforts and share with the world. They are proud of the outcome!

I am proud of Ted Vaughn and Chris Hobson who made the recording session a reality at our church, Solana Beach Presbyterian Church. Ted has an interest in all things musical. More than that, he has caught the gestalt of the Kingsmen. Like a quarterback clutching a pigskin and driving toward the end zone, he has philosophically embraced what the band has to offer others in our community.  Everybody scores when they enter the spotlight and do their thing, rather than be relegated to the sidelines. Chris defies description. With the mystery of a kid-whisperer and his impeccable ears for sonic integrity, he is silently impressive. The interaction between these minds was something to behold.

At my first hearing of the recording, I used the word, "sweet" (of course, I am the Mom). The second time, "heartwarming" came to mind. I've landed on "endearing." Others say it has "raw honesty" and "tells the story of these guys." Kenton's rendition of Ingrid Michaelson's "The Way I Am" brings tears to your eyes. 

These boys are fast becoming young men; they have come a long way from "early intervention." Now they are finding a niche in society. In an effort to stay age-appropriate, their music therapy has morphed from one-on-one sessions to this more demanding and normalizing social experience of being in a band. Music is a bridge that can catapult them into "real world" encounters.

They played last year at a local Border's bookstore, Christmas on the Promenade, and several Walk Now for Autism events. What we find at these gigs is that despite their emerging musicianship and irregardless of their performance any given night, the boys have a message of struggle, promise, and victory that is universally relevant and inspiring. The manager at Border's commented that they were better than any in-store event he'd ever booked. Mind you, I know they weren't better technically, but their effort was greater and as a result the experience seems richer to the audience. Like the widow who gave her last mite, these guys are walking parables. Many life lessons are magnified by their example. Oddly, (and fortunately, for the moms listening in trepidation in the wings) not much explanation is needed for the audience to "get it." The boys can't hide their struggle or their success. People are moved for reasons that are hard to deny and don't need to be explained.

They will play at our church during December. I am both nervous and excited about this.  I can't help but hear countless Biblical foundations through The Kingsmen. Perhaps they are able to convey these truths more profoundly than the professional worship leaders we are used to hearing up front. Precepts from the Bible jump off the pages when they deliver culturally relevant lyrics like "you know you gotta help me out...." from the Killers "All These Things that We've Done" or "we were meant to live for so much more..."from Switchfoot or "don't worry about a thing..." from Bob Marley.  Are those not doctrinal sound bites that resonate with God's Word? No wonder they're so full of hope!

Now, I must figure out how to load MP3's on a blog.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Ecclesiastes 4:9-11


Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:33-34


What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?  Matthew 16:25-27

"I tell you the truth," he said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others." 

Luke 21:2-4